G$ has a little fetish…N

What a glorious day to be alive.

I nearly spilled coffee all over my shirt because a woman ran down the hallway frantically repeating that shots had been fired in the lobby of our six floor building. My “office” (it’s really the break room) is on the sixth floor.

“Get in your office and lock your doors!” She was imploring people.

It’s normally semi-peaceful first thing in the morning, so the commotion startled me and I nearly spilled my coffee. Thankfully, I did not spill my coffee.

While I am the police, my gun is currently resting 30 miles away in the comfort of my house, probably on the couch next to the dog, EVEN THOUGH SHE KNOWS SHE SHOULDN’T BE ON THE COUCH. GET OFF THE DAMN COUCH, JOJO!!!!!!

Anyway, the shots were fired outside the building and down the street a little ways. Pinpoint communication in the police headquarters building, as usual. I don’t understand what it takes for one person to get enough gumption to shoot another human being, but it happens a lot, even at nine o’clock in the morning. It’s sad how angry so many people are nowadays.

But, I’m not interested in angry this morning, I’m interested in G$. The little man has a bad rep as a trouble making bulldog of a toddler, but that’s not fair.

He’s a good, sweet boy for the most part.

I'm TOTALLY a good boy!

I’m TOTALLY a good boy!

He’s also fond of magazines.

Yeah, magazines.

While his brother and sister read books, G$ is more likely to check out what’s going on in Good Housekeeping, or last night, he fell asleep apparently after trying to figure out how to make enough money to get out of my house faster.

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This isn’t really a new thing for him either.

This summer, he passed the time driving to the beach by reading Shape.

Only reads it for the articles he says...

Only reads it for the articles he says…

It’s really quite funny to me that he can be made happy with a magazine. Any magazine will do. I don’t know if it’s the pictures or what, but he prefers them to books and even to the iPad (which the other two can never resist).

What about your little cretins? Do they enjoy anything that you find odd?

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29 Responses to G$ has a little fetish…N

  1. Magazines are shinier.

  2. Anonymous says:

    My child enjoys taking selfies with my IPhone. Not that it’s weird, a lot of people enjoy taking selfies, but for a 3 year old to sit and take selfies for 2 hours at a time…that is weird.

    • Lol, thank you, Someone. Maybe your 3 year old’s mother is an under 25 me me me vain pain in the ass and she’s just mimicking behavior that she sees in the home? 2 hours is a long time though.

  3. Aussa Lorens says:

    That’s hilarious that he reads magazines… Not sure I’ve heard of a kid doing that before! Also: the shots fired thing is scary… though six floors is a lot to cover if you start firing in the lobby… I’d be winded halfway up the second floor.
    We just had a meeting about “active shooter protocol” a week or so ago… It gave me a whole new set of paranoias ;)

  4. bethteliho says:

    Forbes…hahaha! I love it. My husband taught my sons to read on the can (I was going to say shitter but that sounded so….crass, but I’m putting it anyway so you know what kind of lady you’re really dealing with. One that grew up around men….and is still in a house of penises. Or peni. What is the plural of penis? Anyhoo). Now they seriously take magazines in with them! If there aren’t magazines available they try to take the iPad, but that grosses me out. I have a strict NO iPad in the bathroom rule. Ew.

    My oldest has no interest in magazines (unless in the bathroom) but my 6yo will read them anywhere. He is looking for boobs. Admittedly. No joke.

  5. mistyslaws says:

    Nope, my kids are totally normal. They want the iPad and Kindle and books. I’ve never seen them look through a magazine, ever. But here’s my question . . . why is your gun at HOME if you are on duty? And why did you leave it sitting on the couch? Damn, Don . . . the dog might have EATEN it by now!

  6. Are you sure he’s not just into money and women?

  7. That picture of him next to Forbes is priceless!! And, I love how nonchalant you are about the shooting….did anyone get hurt, or were shots just fired?

  8. As a very young child, our son was never captivated by anything. Our granddaughter was spellbound by anything video. We have a new niece who loves … are you ready for it? Magazines! Her favorite is Sports Illustrated. Kids are funny. G$ is smart. :-)

  9. well, there’s the bad and the good, all wrapped up in one post.

  10. barbtaub says:

    I thought I was being a good mother because we didn’t have a TV. Instead, my kids were physically incapable of walking past a cat food commercial. As they got older, it did inspire enough creativity that they built a contraption to captured satellite signals on our little (non-cable) TV we used to watch videos. They only got it out when the parental-units were out, so they never knew we deliberately left electronics components around. Now their main engineer works for a satellite TV company… My kids are completely frustrated every Christmas when they visit and have to watch Dr. Who Holiday Special projected on the wall because we still have no TV.

    I’m probably going to mother-hell.

  11. Maggie O'C says:

    One of my kids used to read the paper and the New Yorker when she was under 2. It just means they’re brilliant.

  12. paulheels says:

    That’s awesome! Baby Gurr doesn’t like food. Except Rice Krispies and cheese and prune juice.

    Been a while Don! Hope you’re good hoss.

  13. Laura Lynn says:

    Love the Forbes shot! He’s going to be a genius. I had my nephew over for the weekend and he brought along a friend -fine by me- who was ‘a really picky eater’ nephews definition, right? He ate 2 two chili dogs, 1/2 a pizza, french toast, a 1/2 dozen Dr. Pepper, 12+cookies and a gallon of milk. And he hates food, right? hmmmm….and yes, I usually have something delicious to eat when I’m posting. Tonight? Pot roast and gravy. mmmmmm gravy.

  14. Shhhh but, I love you. Lol. Your little friend has anal retentive parents. You may have saved him from becoming a serial killer.

  15. You better make sure to hide your Playboy & Hustler magazines before he gets interested in how “shiny” those are!

  16. I love that he reads magazines over the iPad. I love that he reads ANYTHING over the iPad because I have this humble little theory that iPads are making little monsters out of our little people. Your story was a great pick me up after a (and I mean this literally) shitty morning with my own 3 year old. Thanks for that!

  17. MojosWork says:

    Parenthood is a 3 month old habit for me, but my little Bean only falls asleep when she’s listening to Queen – her particular faves are “Radio Gaga” and “You’re My Best Friend” – or Warren Zevon’s “Werewolves of London.”

  18. That’s so cute! And lucky you – pretty cheap entertainment for a kid nowadays. My little Ted is entertained by plastic grocery bags. I just throw them on the floor and he plays in them for hours and hours. And they say cats aren’t as smart as dogs.

  19. findingninee says:

    He is soooo cute! Is Santa bringing Playboy?

  20. My twin lil cretins love my food network magazines. I have no idea why they both hate to eat.

  21. Pleun says:

    I used to read the newspaper when I was 2. Way before I could actually read, once I could I never read a newspaper again. It’s just bad news anyway, what was I thinking…

  22. Hahaha, totally awesome! Doesn’t sound like a very temporary thing. Makes it even more awesome. =)

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