Christmas lights and other crap…yeah, it’s one of my pointless posts…

I took off from work today for no particular reason.

Ace had a strings recital (she takes violin in school though I’ve heard her practice it at home exactly twice in the two years she’s had it) in the cafeteria and has a half day, so I guess those are semi-particular reasons. Plus I had days to burn anyway before the end of the year, which is fast approaching.

Are you bored reading this post yet? I’m sort of bored typing it already for God’s sake.

I haven’t posted in a week (not that anybody notices or cares) and I get itchy to post when it’s been that long.

Sometimes, like right now, I just start typing whatever pops into my head and see where it goes.

I looked in my drafts folder and noticed that I have 70 drafts that I started at some point and then abandoned for various reasons. If the few that I read for inspiration are any indication, they were abandoned because they are awful pieces of crap, much like this post is turning into very quickly.

My housemates aren’t helping me either. Cool doesn’t have school on Thursdays, so instead of spending the $50 to ship them to the sitters all day, I have the Wii doing it for free. He loves this Wii machine. He loves all things electronic, really. It’s sort of creepy how good he’s always been with games and devices. I guess it comes more naturally to some than others.

Wii Wii Wii...always with the Wii...

Wii Wii Wii…always with the Wii…

The other one is butting heads with Carly (pup) as usual.

They kind of hate each other...

They kind of hate each other…

While Jojo lays around waiting for the angel of death. It’s either that or she’s waiting for somebody to feed her some sausage or ham, it’s hard to tell.

Feed me...

Feed me…

If you’re counting, that’s five of us all in a 10 foot area of each other, even though we live in a 1700 square foot house. There’s a lot of space to spread out, people!

Anyway, I think I’ll quit now. We have yet to put a Christmas tree up, so I may at least drag it inside, even if I don’t connect the three parts. We go with a plastic, fake tree all the way.

Maybe I’ll even add to the lights outside.

Speaking of lights, every year, there are one or two exceptionally nice, warm weekend days that suddenly appear a few weeks before Christmas.

Inevitably, my neighbors will climb onto their ladders and roofs in order to throw gaudy Christmas lights and inflatable Santa Clauses all over their houses and yards as I stand watch in my own yard with a cold beer in hand shaking my head at them in disgust.

“You’re wasting a beautiful day!” I shout to all of them, master of the obvious.

Sometimes, these warm days come before Thanksgiving, and that’s just way too early to put Christmas decorations on display.

No matter if they come before or shortly after Thanksgiving, the point is that it’s a nice day in late November or December, and nice days are in short supply so I’ll not waste them on a ladder. In fact, I think to myself, this year we will maybe do without Christmas decorations altogether. That sounds like a great idea in my head. I’m sure Wife will be on board with this because she hates wrestling with our piece of shit prelit tree that stopped prelighting, lighting or post lighting three or four years ago.

That plan sounds most excellent as I sit in my lawn chair eight beers into the warm for winter day. Alas, the next day, or the next week, or sometime thereafter, the guilt will be too much for me. All the neighbors’ pretty lights blink and glow and whisper, “Don, you’re an asshole. Your kids want lights. Put lights on your house.”

Fuck.

I know that I’m going to do it every year, but I always wait beyond those last couple of nice days and end up on my ladder and roof in the freezing cold, fumbling helplessly with clips and lights and duct tape and my beer.

This year is no exception. Ace was home sick last Monday, so I stayed home with her and got my fat ass out in the cold to toss some lights on the house. Sam’s Club had lights on sale the day before, so I bought a bunch of them so I’d not have to worry about the old strands not working.

Thankfully, it snowed and the roof was covered in ice so whatever couldn’t be reached with a ladder wasn’t going to happen. Unfortunately, today is a nice day and the snow and ice is gone from the roof. I have two spools of new lights taunting me, so I’m going to go climb onto the roof now and finish the job.

In case I don’t get around to posting before then or I fall from the roof and break my neck, Merry Christmas from the DOAT clan. Oh, sorry, Happy Holidays, in case Christmas offends you. You’re a douche if it does, but I’m still obliging because I’m the better person.

Cheers to you and yours!

It's actually freezing cold in this picture.

It’s actually freezing cold in this picture.

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93 Responses to Christmas lights and other crap…yeah, it’s one of my pointless posts…

  1. Super cute family pic.

  2. FABULOUS family photo! And yes, when you don’t post, you are missed. Now quit drinking BLL and go get your ass on that ladder. STAT!

  3. The Cutter says:

    I’ve also tried to hit up the drafts folder for inspiration, and I always end up realizing why I never finished those posts in the first place.

    • Yeah, it really is a whole lot of garbage in my draft folder. If I don’t knock a post out in one sitting, it normally goes to waste. God bless people who can revisit what they started and make it work though.

  4. Sarah Almond says:

    My husband applies the redneck technique for displaying Christmas lights-just don’t take them down after Christmas…

  5. Christina says:

    Ladder, lights, and a cold beer. Sigh… Have a Merry Christmas : )

  6. Merry Christmas! Cute family photo. Your family is beautiful. Are you in front of a barn? I want to see a pic of your house after you put the lights on.

  7. Katie says:

    Cute family photo!

  8. Laura Lynn says:

    Dang your wife is beautiful! How did you…never mind. I put up our Christmas lights last year on a rainy, windy cold night and I never took them down. It would have been a waste of a grand effort if I had. I added to our repertoire this year. I bought a pair of those reindeer that light up from the Rotary Auction in the summer. Turns out one of them has broken back legs so he kind of sit on his haunches with his head hanging down-the EXACT pose of my cat coughing up a hair ball. Very festive. Also I threw lights on the trees near the front door that no one uses. And I mean threw. It was too much trouble to fasten them to anything.
    Merry Christmas Doats Family! And don’t be all ‘no one notices if I don’t post’…dang, I was resorting to reading your old posts. And that’s sad at Christmas.

    • Thanks Laura, she used to, no, I used to be…hell, I don’t know but let’s not jinx it! I think illuminated reindeer in funny positions should totally be a holiday thing! You didn’t mention that you were eating or drinking anything, so I hope all is well with you. Have a great Christmas, ma’am! Thank you so much for reading and commenting. You’re one of my faves..shhhhhhh!

      • Laura Lynn says:

        I went out to take a photo of the hairball reindeer and found the other one on it’s side, passed out cold. We have to assume it was the Meyers Rum. Liza was wondering WHY it was half gone. I pointed to the reindeer. Blasted reindeer…
        I haven’t been eating delicious nom noms because I have some retarded virus that has me bedridden for the past week. I’ll take the sympathy as read. It’ll be gone by the Big Day and I’ll be back to standing in front of the fridge with the cookie tin under my arm trying to decide what to eat and behaving badly. Yay? (Have you heard that hot rum toddy’s are good for the common cold? It’s true, right? Cuz I feel GREAT right now!)
        Merry Christmas Don and Family.

  9. Merry Christmas to you and your handsome family, Don. I really do mean that, even though it probably looks like I’m just trying to prove I’m not a douche. Two birds, meet one stone.

    • Hahaha, indeed! Thanks, buddy. Merry Christmas to you and yours as well, and I truly do mean that. What did you gain by saying that you “really” mean that? You could have just said that you mean that and been…bah, nevermind! Have a great one. I can’t wait to read about your boys and their presents.

  10. What a cute family pic!! I can tell those boys are fun (as in lots of trouble). Thanks for sharing it with us!! At least it’s not snowing!! We’re getting another storm here, so I refuse to go anywhere because then I would have to shovel my driveway! :)
    And, I think you should take all those drafts, and compile them into one nonsensical long post! I would read it.

    • Thank you, Mormon; you rock. Those drafts are mostly a heaping pile of dog crap, and at this point I don’t recall where I was going with most of them! Lol. Enjoy the snow! Go get some pics of the kids frolicking or whatever it is that little Mormon kids do in the snow. Have an awesome holiday season. Don’t work to hard.

  11. Ned's Blog says:

    I feel your shame/pain/beer, Don — Or at least I used to (although I still feel the beer part). I solved the problem of dealing with my shame of not putting up Christmas lights until the last minute a few years ago. I did this by hanging white lights, attached with white cord, to the white trim around the roof. You can’t see them unless I turn them on, which means I never have to take them down. In short: I am now ALWAYS the first person in our neighborhood to have Christmas lights lit once I plug them in the day after Thanksgiving.

    • I’m glad you wait until after Thanksgiving instead of being a total showoff and lighting up before Thanksgiving has been paid its proper respects. White on white on white? If only I could get on board with the white lights, I’d try that. Alas, the colored ones seem so much more gaudy. And by gaudy I mean festive! Merry Christmas Ned! Have a great one!

  12. rynolexson says:

    Christmas Lights and Decorations=overrated. More work than they are worth. Drink your beer and continue sitting on the couch; it’s a better way to spend the day. Cute family you guys have…I still would like to adopt G$ so whenever you and the wife are ready, I will come pick him up.

  13. Rhonda says:

    You truly are the better person and if people can’t see that, they are a total douche!

  14. markbialczak says:

    Funny what guilt can make you do. Ladder, lights, ice and beer. That reminds me, remember when ice beer was all the rage? They used to say it had an itty-bitty more alcohol in it, or else the placebo effect worked great on me. In any case, I do miss your posts when you’re too busy creating drafts, and I 12th the opinion that your family looks very swell in this shot. Merry Christmas, Don and all the DOATS.

    • I totally remember ice beer! When I worked for Anheuser Busch they introduced “Ice Beer from Budweiser” but everyone just called it Bud Ice. I could never decide if I liked it or not. It was ok and did have a little extra punch, but it was very little. We used to drag Dallas Star hockey players out on the town to promote it. Unfortunately, if you weren’t Troy Aikman at the time, nobody in Dallas cared. Thanks, Mark! Have a great Christmas yourself!

      • markbialczak says:

        I did like me some Bud Ice, Don, but I don’t think quite as much as I’ve taken to Bud Light Lime now, like you are. That sounds like it was a fun gig, bringing Dallas Stars players out on the town. I bet some fans were into it, even if they were just hockey players.

  15. ardenrr says:

    Those kids can’t be yours, right? They’re way too cute….

    MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

  16. I noticed. I care. I spent the morning wrapping presents that I spent time choosing. If they are returned, I will seriously loose my… Oh my. Have a great Christmas. Gorgeous photo. So normal looking. If only I will be able to get my clan be normal for one shot! :)

  17. bethteliho says:

    That reminds me….I should be wrapping presents. I don’t want to have to wrap like 1,000 on Christmas Eve. That SUCKS. Anyway, adore your family photo. Gorgeous. Merry Christmas to you all as well. And I happen to enjoy your seemingly pointless, rambling posts. Which are neither of those two things in the slightest.

    • Yeah, I should start assembling crap and figuring out what needs which sort of batteries, but the last minute ain’t so bad when you have beer on hand, right? Thank you, Beth! I’m glad to have made your recent acquaintance in this here blogosphere. You ain’t such bad people.

  18. No one cares what you wrote, because the picture of your family is so cute! :)

  19. What a beautiful family picture! The facial expressions on the two little guys in front are priceless.
    We never decorated the outside of our house. We drove our kid around to look at everybody else’s. Our tree evolved over the years from a real seven-foot tree – to a four-foot artificial on a coffee table, and it’s now a two-foot artificial on a table in the corner. As long as there is something with a few blinking lights, it’s Christmas. Everybody just wants the presents around the pathetic tree anyway. You’re a good man for doing all the lights. :-)

    • I was raised in a fake tree house and that’s how i still roll! I was totally sold on being unique by not putting the lights up on the house, but I caved. thank you, Maddie.

  20. Daile says:

    Cool is so sassy! I love it. Please send me G$ for Christmas. I love him

  21. gimpet says:

    You are one of the few who can make me laugh over nothing at all. A Seinfeld on paper! That, and when I think of you, the Grinchy version of the 12 days of Christmas (from hell) is inevitably linked in my head…..

  22. mamamlk says:

    The thing about the nice day set up is you can be outside hanging up Christmas lights having man time. Sorry hunny but I can’t watch the kids while you go shopping. I have to hang Christmas lights. Meanwhile you and a 6-pack kick it on the roof. Sorry hunny…. Having issues with this strand. I’m going to be a little longer…..
    :)

    • Hmmmm, your logic is so sound on paper. Could i pull this off without screwing it up??

      • Anonymous says:

        With enough tact and finesse…..sure! Hide the need behind the chimney if she comes out to look OR put it in a box labeled Christmas lights. There’s even a way online to stick a beer in a soda can/soda cup from mcds.

        Worse comes to worse offer to come down to snuggle on the couch for a bit and maybe warm your toes on her. That thought makes me cringe every time!

  23. 1jaded1 says:

    Very cute picture! Careful on the roof. Merry Christmas.to you and your clan!

  24. Nadia says:

    Beautiful pic of the fam, Don. Merry xmas!

  25. The Dose of Reality says:

    Aw!! What a great picture of the family! My husband finally gave in yesterday and put up lights. I think the neighbors displays were mocking him as well. Merry Christmas!!! –Lisa

  26. Blogdramedy says:

    Love the color coordination. *grin*

    Happy Christmas!

  27. findingninee says:

    Your family photo is awesome! You can’t even tell anybody in it is an ass, or anything. I’d totally read your lame posts, because even this one is awesome. Look how skinny you are too, dude! Merry Christmas, to the whole DOAT fam. Did you get your drunken ass on the ladder yet?

  28. Cheers to you and yours. I am glad I am not the only one who a. has a child who is in a recital for a flute she never has once practiced and b. that I think predrinking should be acceptable in this case.

  29. I’m picturing a bunch of presents on Christmas morning piled around the three parts of the tree. I didn’t bother with a tree this year either- I live alone and it just didn’t seem worth the hassle. Hope you enjoyed your mental health day off yesterday!

  30. Dana says:

    What a pleasant surprise to see a photo of you without a beer bottle attached to your face! Your kids are adorable – look just like your wife ;) Merry Christmas, Don!

    • hahahaha, you got me, Dana! I’m cutting back on the beer a little bit. It was really cold that day so they stood still better than usual. My wife says thank you by the way.

  31. Maggie O'C says:

    You are all adorable. You’re running is paying off, huh?
    Last night I had to sit in my car and wait for Annie to finish making the life of a cell biology movie at some kid’s house and they had silver lights that were shaped like icicles and went across the top of the garage. The were silver headlight bright and flashed on and off. I may have had a seizure. Don’t put those ones up.

    Merry Christmas Douchebag, I mean Don.

  32. Nice family pic… Good looking bunch! I’m kind of like you, no lights until the last minute. Of course we are out in the country so don’t have the pressure of neighbors. This year none are up yet and it’s Saturday. Oh well! Merry Christmas to you and your family too!

  33. Pleun says:

    Super cool family picture. And your kids look old enough to help with the lights…? Thankfully that was never a tradition in my parent’s house and I haven’t made it a tradition in mine either. I think it’s really an American tradition, so maybe you should go European? Just trying to help out here. Either way, have a very merry Xmas as well!

    • Oh, I could live in Italy and never put lights on my house again?? My parents weren’t light people either, so I must be making up for something. Thank you! Sorry for the tardy response.

  34. That’s a super cute family pic! Good to see someone has waaaaaaaaay more drafts in the draft folder than me!!!

  35. flyingplatypi says:

    Adorable picture!

    I can’t stand decorating… I’m just too lazy for it. And it’s even worse with taking it down!!

    Hugs!

    Valerie

  36. no lights here – barely any decorations. Going to St. Thomas in t-minus 7 days, kids are lucky we even put up the damn tree. Merry Christmas.

  37. Aussa Lorens says:

    Your family photo is adorable and possibly not real. No one ever succeeds at those things, especially with young children and yet… adorable. Love the caption.
    Thanks for the ramble, you’ve convinced me to get off the internet and go to bed ;)

  38. Go Jules Go says:

    Oh my gosh that is a GORGEOUS picture/family!!! Did the Wife pick out the outfits, because I’m loving the whole green/blue color scheme. And you look great, Don!

    Merry Christmas; I hope you’re not dead or paralyzed (I’m putting that on all of next year’s cards). After all, there’s still some beer left! (But you’d better hurry. Wait. Never mind. It’s good beer, not the kind you like. ;))

    • Bah to your lime beer bashing!

      I’m alive and fairly well, thank you, ma’am. Thank you, yes, of course the wife picked out the outfits. They’re not wearing shorts and tank tops, right?

  39. Katy says:

    Love your family pic, Don! All the kiddos are getting so big! It’s so sad how quickly that happens. Have a great Christmas and a healthy and happy New Year

  40. markbialczak says:

    A nomination for the spanking new Inventive Blogger Award to prove my loyalty to my fellow Bud Light Lime drinker (and a writer of always entertaining posts).

    http://markbialczak.com/2013/12/24/i-add-the-inventive-blogger-award-to-my-trophy-case/

  41. The Hook says:

    “I took off from work today for no particular reason.”
    So you’re playing hooky?
    Cool!
    By the way, I can’t comment on your next post. What’s up with that?

    • Thanks for the head’s up, Hook! WordPress has decided for whatever reason that my posts will default to no comments and I always forget to allow them before I post. It sucks. Happy Holidays, sir! Looking forward to the book.

  42. mollytopia says:

    Haha master of the obvious – I love it! And I think those inflatable thingies in yards are dumb also, which is just one more reason why we’re friends. You’re definitely the better person for calling someone a douche haha. That’s an awesome photo – great looking family Don! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

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