So on Friday, Baby Gage had to get tubes put in his ears. It’s always a semi-worrisome situation when your toddler is put under anesthesia, but in the great scheme of things, we’re aware that getting tubes put in the ears takes about 8 minutes and isn’t a big deal. The three year old has already had it done a couple of times, so we know the drill.
On Wednesday, the wife pre-registered Gage with the surgery center at St. Anthony’s in South County. We were told to bring the boy in at 8 am. This would work out just fine since it gave us time to get the three year old to the sitters and Gage would be up well before 8 anyway. This phone conversation took place around 1 pm.
At 3 pm, or just two short hours after we made arrangements to have Gage ready to go in South County at 8 am, we got a phone call telling us that the surgery had been rescheduled to a different location and time. We were now to bring Gage to Cardinal Glennon Children’s Hospital, oh and he has to be there at 5:30 am. 5:30 AM!!!?? WTF is this all about?? Sorry for the inconvenience. Yeah, I’m sure you are.
Anyway, we had to scramble to find somebody to take Colton that early since he wouldn’t be allowed in the surgery recovery area or whatever. Fortunately, his regular sitter is a fine woman and a very early riser, so she let us bring him over in his jammies at 5 am and drop him off on her couch. Thank you Joann!
We got to the hospital when we were told to and of course had to go to a waiting area filled with other people who look like they don’t work for a living, many of who didn’t even have the decency to change out of their pajama bottoms to be seen in public. That’s a topic for another day though! Upon registering, we were told that our copay/coinsurnance was going to cost $500. $500 at 5:30 am!!!?? WTF is this all about once again!!!??? I’m quite sure that most of these other people in this room didn’t just fork over $500!! Well, your insurance sucks, sir and Gage hasn’t reached his deductible and all that nonsense. That’s fine, we paid the amount in full and went to another holding area with more unemployed looking people with fancy smartphones. We were there after two other patients so that there were three of us patients in the waiting area. Broomhilda the tech was calling patients in to be weighed and checked before surgery and sent on their way. She bypassed us about 15 times before I finally got suspicious that something was amiss. Keeping Gage mellow when he hasn’t been up for 3 hours since 4:30 am, unfed, is a challenge in itself, so to say we were losing him is an understatement, so I asked Ms. B what was up. She was all ready to throw it in my face that I was an impatient patient when her computer indicated to her that we had indeed been bypassed many times over for no good reason. So, to her credit, she swallowed some crow and hurried us on our way. The rest of the experience was nothing spectacular either, except for the most aggravating part.
We were at Cardinal Glennon because at sometime between the 1 pm and 3 pm phone calls about registration, SSM decided that they were going to go ahead and just close the outpatient surgery, even though there were many surgeries still being scheduled. Oh and they went and fired all those employees. Why they couldn’t wait until after the Friday surgery day (that’s when they’re all scheduled!) or even better for the employees, after Thanksgiving, is a mystery. Clearly there was much fuss made by someone, because we were greeted at Glennon by some dude who was the vice president of something or other at SSM. He escorted us up the elevator even. Had it dawned on me what was going on, I’d have told him I hope his illegal nanny chokes on a roll and nearly dies in front of his children, causing much emotional trauma to them. Alas, it was early and I was not sharp with wit.