Amazon customer support…

 

What is going on with Amazon Prime? We had a Prime account and were able to share it with people we liked and not just our family. When the Wife accidentally revoked her dad’s shared account, she tried to reinstate him and couldn’t. Come to find out that Amazon dicked around with their Prime and now we couldn’t do what we were doing even though Amazon never said anything about changing the policy.

When she chatted online with them to get it taken care of, she told the chat guy to cancel the account altogether and he did! We were bluffing in the hopes that he would fix the problem, but instead, he showed us.

Anyway, I went online after that to fix the mess and the following (copied and pasted from the chat) happened between me and my new friend from the Philippines, Macy or Andrea or whoever:

——————–

You are now connected to Andrea from Amazon.com

Me: You cancelled our Prime Membership! I would like to speak with a manager.

A Customer Service Associate will be with you in a moment.

You are now connected to Amazon from Amazon.com

Amazon: Hi, this is Macy and i’ll be more than happy to assist you.

Hi, this is Macy, I’m one of the supervisor here on Amazon customer service.

Me: My wife and i had prime and she accidentally deleted her dads shared membership.

Amazon: I’m sorry to hear that your Prime membership was cancelled.

Me: Then they wouldn’t reinstate it for some reason.

It sounds like some shady trickery to me. What’s up with the shady trickery?

Amazon: No worries, let me just check what would be the best thing that i can do for you.

Me: thank you.

Amazon: Your very much welcome. Hold on just a minute.

Me: My wife is very much sad about this. She was wishing to purchase some jean shorts and pink flamingo yard decor, but now, without the 2 days free shipping, she can’t.

Amazon: Here’s what she can place the order and i will remove the shipping charge for the order.

Me: But what about the membership that we had? She wants it back and is mad at me that it got cancelled. She blames me for the cancellation even though I am innocent.

She misses her Prime.

Amazon: I’m still checking what would be the best thing that we can do.

Me: Are you able to see our old Prime Membership?

Amazon: Can i have her email address.

Me: [email address given]

Amazon: Thank you. Let me verify it.

Can i have the name followed by her billing address on her account.

Me: Her name is Wife – [address given here]

Amazon: Great. Thank you.

Since it was deactivated on her account and the refund has already been processed. Would you like me to reactivate her Prime Membership?

Me: Would it be reactivated to the way it was this morning? with the same shared people?

Please help us. If we don’t have Prime tonight then we won’t have anything to watch on television. If we can’t watch television then she’ll drink and want to fornicate. She’s a large woman, so that is very unpleasant for me, and I’m no looker, so she’s not a fan of it either.

It’s Friday here where I live in the St. Louis, MO area. Are you in the United States too? Making small talk while we wait for you to fix my mistake. Is it your Friday as well?

Amazon: I don’t have any information right now if you shared again your prime to your Family Members.

Me: We were able to share our Prime with 4 people before.

Amazon: Can you subscribe again instead of reactivating it on our account.

Me: We shared it with our elderly parents because they enjoyed the free shipping.

Amazon: I understand. Can you subscribe again and lets see if you can share it with other benefits.

Me: Are we able to share a new benefit with other people?

Amazon: Only with Family members only.

Me: They won’t pay to have their senility pills and erectile dysfunction pills shipped. Good Lord, if we screwed this up they’ll be calling us all the time! Do you have parents too? So awful on the phone!

That’s not how it used to be. That’s what I’m telling you is trickery!

You tricked us!

Amazon: This is not a trick.

Me: It was. You changed the Amazon Prime sharing benefits and didn’t tell anybody about it. That’s trickery.

And right before Christmas too. Shame on your employer. Amazon used to be customer friendly.

Amazon: Give me just one moment to check it.

Me: Maybe not you personally, but somebody who makes a paycheck with a bunch of zeros in it made that decision.

Were you not told about this new policy?

Amazon: We can only share our Prime Membership for adults and children.

In the family members.

Me: Well, that’s how it used to be as well. We could share it with any adult or children, and that was a good policy because we shared it with our dog, Carly, and she kept ordering biscuits without asking. But now, you will only let us share with family members and that’s not fair. that’s not what the policy was!!! We don’t get to pick our family members, because we’re born or they’re born to us and it’s not our choice. Family can be the worst. That’s why the old way of getting to share with anybody was great. We don’t have a lot going for us, so sharing our Amazon Prime was a great way to make friends with people at the mall or the couple across the street who we think are swingers. YOU CHANGED THE POLICY AND DIDN’T TELL ANYONE! THAT’S TRICKY!

If you can’t help me or just don’t want to because you don’t like me or think I’m ugly, then can I please speak to YOUR supervisor? Who’s running the show there tonight?

Amazon: I’m sorry but we cannot control our policy.

Me: But who can?

If you can’t control it, who can?

Somebody changed it. Let me talk to him or her. I bet it’s a guy named Luke or a woman named Carla because Luke and Carlas are always the worst.

Except for my godson, Luke. He’s okay people.

Let me speak to Luke or Carla.

Amazon: I understand that you wanted to share the benefits with other people. But no one can control of it.

Me: But just this morning we were able to do that! What changed in the past 12 hours?

LET ME SPEAK TO ANOTHER! I can’t believe that there’s NOBODY there who can help me resolve this.

This is resolvable, Macy.

Crap sorry. I mean Andrea! Let’s fix this!

Amazon: How i wish i do have the option to break our policy or manipulate our system so that i could help you.

Me: When did this new policy take affect? Do you know?

Do you remember when I was able to share with non family members, Andrea? Do you remember yesterday when I could do that?

Amazon: When was the last time?

Me: When we woke up this morning my mom and my mother in law had the benefit of our shared account.

Then my wife accidentally revoked her dad because she’s jittery with a mouse because it reminds her of my penis. Don’t ask. Anyway, she accidentally revoked her dad and when she went to reinstate him, Amazon told her that she couldn’t because of a new policy. A new WTF policy?

So when she couldn’t reinstate her dad, she told some guy named Nomar or something to just cancel the whole thing and he did! He called her bluff real good and cancelled it.

Well, somehow, that was my fault and now we’re here.

Having this conversation in the hopes that you will make things right for Christmas.

Do you believe in Christmas, Andrea?

Or any other of the nearby dated holidays like Kwanza or the Jewish one I can’t spell? Chanukah? Whatever.

Amazon: That is why , if you want to continue your prime sharing. you could just subscribe again and try it if you could share it with your family members.

Me: But can my mom, for example, use her own account to order stuff? Or is she going to have to be under our account to do that?

She doesn’t live in the same house with us.

Not yet anyway, and we’re hoping that never happens, if I’m being honest.

Amazon: Who is exactly the owner of the Prime?

Me: It’s my wife and i. We are the Prime owners.

Under her email that I gave you before.

Amazon: Your mom can use her account to order her stuff.

Me: and get the 2 day shipping for free under the Prime whatever?

Amazon: Yes it is.

Me: Why did they tell us we had to be under the same account and share credit card numbers?

It sounded very cultish.

Are you currently in the United States, Andrea? I feel like you avoided that question for some reason. It’s just small talk while we wait for this to be resolved.

Amazon: What i mean is, right now. she could use her account to buy stuff that she wanted.

I’m from the Philippines.

Me: She can’t use Prime right now though because it was cancelled!

Is the Philippines nice? I’ve heard it was.

Amazon: Yes it is. It is very nice.

Me: Do you know what’s sad though? It would take me a while to find it on a map because Americans are really dumb.

Do you guys think Americans are imbeciles over there?

We really are, and i’m not even talking about Trump and his people.

Amazon: If the order is eligible for free shipping then she will not be paying for the shipping charge.

Me: But we don’t have prime right now. My account says so. My wife shared her Prime with me but now it’s gone.

Your name isn’t really Andrea either, is it!?

Amazon: That is why , you ca subscribe again so that you can share it.

My name is Macy.

I am advising you to subscribe again with your Prime so that you can share it.

Me: Okay, Macy, I’m going to trust you when you say that I can share my account with people who don’t live in my house but are my relatives. Are we on the same page?

Amazon: It was refunded back into full amount anayways.

Me: So I can subscribe again and share with people who don’t live with me and have their own accounts like before?

I’m going to trust you because I just read that the Philippines is the 7th most populous country in Asia. Is that true as well?

Amazon: Let me just check if could transfer you to the right department.

I think i’ll be needing to transfer you over to kindle support so that they could discuss this better for you.

Me: Kindle!??

No no no!!

This is a prime issue, not a Kindle issue.

Optimus Prime! Let me speak to Optimus!

Amazon: But they do handle Prime Household issues.

Me: Oh, okay. Are you married?

Amazon: Are you going to create again a Prime Household?

Me: I was waiting for my questions to be answered first. You know that $99 is a lot of money, right? A LOT!

Amazon: If that’s the case then i will be transferring you over to Kindle Department.

Me: Will they be able to activate our account?

Amazon: We’ve process refund of your prime. you need to subscribe so that you could create Amazon Household.

Me: Right, see there? Amazon Household sounds like something different. I just told you that my mother and mother in law don’t live in my household.

But you said that they could use our Prime under their accounts using their credit cards, right?

I think you said that before, when you weren’t answering my question about whether or not you were married.

Amazon: I am not a married person.

Me: Well you should be. You’re obviously very patient and sound like an intelligent and wonderful woman!

You are a woman, right?

Amazon: Are you going to create again Amazon Household?

Me: I didn’t have Amazon Household before, I had Amazon Prime and was able to share that. Is it the same thing?

Amazon: Thanks for that compliment.

Me: Do you get a commission if I do sign up?

Amazon: You can share your prime membership by creating amazon household.

Me: See, you avoided the question again.

Amazon: What commission are talking about here?

Me: Do you get some extra pay, if I sign up with you?

Amazon: No.

Me: Oh, well that stinks.

Amazon: Do you want to create Amazon Household to share your Prime benefits?

Me: Is it morning where you are?

Do you live near Manila?

Amazon: Yes it is.

Me: Oh, it’s night here.

Amazon: Is there anything else that i can assist you with today?

Me: Are you enjoying some coffee and banter with your coworkers, or is Amazon a bunch of hard asses?

Well, there is this whole thing with our Prime account.

Are you in charge of the whole building there?

Amazon: I’m sorry i’m not comfortable with this kind of conversation.

Me: Lol. Wink wink. Ok. I get that. Hard asses it is.

Amazon: Would there be anything else that i can assist you with?

Me: Okay, well i guess reinstate our crap and if it doesn’t work like you said the we can cancel again, right?

Amazon: As it was mentioned. you have been refunded back back and all you have to do is subscribe again.

Me: So we should do that under the same email account?

or does that matter?

Amazon: You can subscribe again your Prime. And create Amazon Household to share your prime membership.

There is only one who will own the prime membership so that you can share it.

Me: Okay, well clearly this isn’t going to go as I hoped, but I do appreciate your time and attempt to satisfy me. I know a guy who is a ninja. We will get into Amazon HQ and speak with the bastard in charge. Me and ninja will get this done. Thanks!

Amazon: I’m going to ask again, Would you like to create an Amazon household so that you can share it.

Okay/

Me: Sure.

Amazon: Thanks for contacting.

Me: Are you going to do it for me?

It sounded like i had to go do it myself.

Amazon: I’ll be transferring you to Kindle Department so that they could better assist you.

Kindly stay for a moment.

Me: Ok. Thank you again, Macy!

A Customer Service Associate will be with you in a moment.

 

A Customer Service Associate will be with you in a moment.

 

Amazon: One moment please

Me: It’s been two moments now, wtf?

A Customer Service Associate will be with you in a moment.

 

Amazon: As musch as i would love you to transfer to the right department. Can you contact us again through phone so that we could transfer you over.

Me: Amazon is a billion dollar internet/technology related company. You can’t transfer me online?

A Customer Service Associate will be with you in a moment.

 

A Customer Service Associate will be with you in a moment.

 

Amazon: Can you contact us through phone?

They will be able yo transfer you over.

Me: We don’t have a phone at home because we’re very poor for Americans, but if you give us your phone number, I can try to call you from work on Monday, as long as it’s local.

Amazon: This is out hotline number.

Me: Hotline? Is that like emergency?

I don’t want to busy the emergency number.

Amazon: I’m sorry. Phone number.

Me: Oh, thank you. Well, it’s been a pleasure. I’ll talk to you on Monday, I guess.

Amazon: Thanks for ocntactin.

Have a great day.

Im going now ti disconnect the chat.

Amazon from Amazon.com has left the conversation.

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28 Responses to Amazon customer support…

  1. jgroeber says:

    No you didn’t. (Oh, yes. Yes, you apparently did.)
    Bravo, brave Amazonian.

  2. 1jaded1 says:

    NFW. You have the patience of a saint, not Macy or Mandy or Amanda. Ugh for customer service.

  3. Kate Hall says:

    Omg. That was pretty funny. At least you entertained yourself.

  4. kc says:

    That was AMAZING!!!!! Thank you for the laughs. Best customer service convo ever.

    • Thank you! It was more entertaining in real life, but in my defense, I was drinking beer too. My wife was belly laughing, so that was worth the headache, even though they never did give us what we wanted. Jerks.

  5. Don, I don’t know how all that stuff ended up with my message. Will you please delete it and I’ll try again? *LOL*

  6. Lol! I try my hardest to avoid customer support hotlines. I get so frustrated. I think that’s the goal for a rep, to get the caller so riled up they curse or say something mean and then are allowed to hang up on us.

    • I like to chat rather than call, but it’s infuriating to know they’re following a script and doing more to just stall so you’ll give up rather than to fix what is so easily fixable. Grrrr!

  7. The Cutter says:

    When you rule the world like Amazon does, you can make your own rules!

  8. I want to say that was incredibly MEAN. But, damn, I laughed and laughed. Way to remind me I am a bad person!

    • What was mean about it, sir? I think some of the hilarity was lost in translation. The real time chat was way more entertaining. She was a good sport, but at the end of the day, they still fucked us on the Prime account thingy.

  9. sweetsound says:

    Does dad live close enough that you could just *say* you share a household and he can come pick up his stuff? Not that I’m advocating breaking the rules or anything eh hem…

  10. Julie says:

    Wow! I hate wasting time on customer service phone calls (chats) that are usually so very frustrating! I sure enjoyed your exchange, though. Read every, single word. Man, you have a way with words! Thanks for the laugh today. Sorry you didn’t get what you needed, but what you got was a great story to tell!

  11. Kristi Campbell - findingninee says:

    Read this from my phone the other night waiting for kid to fall asleep and had to pause because I was laughing too much for him to actually fall asleep. LOL

  12. OneBusyMama says:

    Oh….my….god. I was laughing hysterically while reading this. As in coffee just about came out my nose…tears running down my face…husband giving me the “what the hell is the matter with you” look from across the table hysterically laughing.

    Thanks! I needed this this am!

  13. beth teliho says:

    You. Are. Insane.
    and you should send poor Macy some chocolates.

  14. Trickery and witchcraft – that’s all it is. All the way down the line!

  15. Samara says:

    This is too funny!
    Were you drunk? Or is that just you?

  16. Anonymous says:

    I feel sorry for the poor amazon person – you were obnoxious.

    Amazon did change their policy about what constitutes a household back in AUGUST – and it was widely broadcasted – it was on every news page for a few days as people bitched and moaned.

    http://time.com/money/3983607/amazon-prime-sharing-account-household/

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