Me: Well, I made it to 40, but my body feels closer to 60. I eat too much junk and drink way too much beer. I can’t help it, it’s so wonderful and makes the pain go away until morning. I’m a functional jackass doing the best I can with the gifts God gave me.
Wife: This gal rocks! She’s still smokin’ hot and keeps this clan from devolving too far back towards chimp-like behavior by staying on top of shit! We’ve been together a long time…like 17 years now. She’s super lucky to have me, of course. She follows my blog, but I think she only reads it from time to time to make sure I haven’t gone too far. Good luck, dear! She’s living the dream!
Ace: She’s 9 and totally awesome. She is really an unbelievably low maintenance kid. I am super proud of the little lady she’s become, but she has a lot of me in her personality, so she can get lippy.
Cool: Formerly known as Cdawg, he’s informed me that he doesn’t like being called Cdawg. Fine, what if I call you Cool? He liked that, so we’re good with Cool. He’s 4 now and is the clown of the group, even though he’s sharp as a tack. He’s just one of those kids people like. He’s soooo good hearted it’s sickening, and he looks EXACTLY like me. It’s a little creepy.
G$: Well, wow! Yes, we love him very much. He’s…busy? Yes, busy. He’s unlike his older siblings in all respects. They were easy kids and he’s making us earn our stripes. He’s starred in several posts alone already; he’s just that, uh entertaining!
Jojo: She’s 12. She’s our dog. Yellow lab. She was with me when I was single and childless so she’s seen a lot. She likes to reminisce about those days, but wouldn’t trade anything for the way things are.
The public: Oh, God Bless you people out there! There’s so much entertainment to be had by just observing you. You are the chimps to my Jane Goodall. I couldn’t make half the crap up that real life puts right in font of my face to write about. Thank you for being you. Stay classy.
Well, we weren’t dysfunctional enough already, so we decided to do something about that. Since I’m fixed and we’re out of bedrooms, more kids are out of the question. Since the neighborhood won’t let us have a pet spider monkey, we settled on another puppy. She was just a baby when we got her, and she’s been with us for a couple of months now. She’s the reason I’m up at 7am typing on a Sunday morning so I’m not loving her that much right this second. She had a zillion ticks all over her body when we got her, but she’s doing fine now. The kids named her Carly with a Y.