As I am the bitch of the house, cooking is one of my duties. I don’t mind doing it, but I suck at not following a recipe. I like the explicit ingredient list followed by the comforting instructions that I assume were written by somebody who knows what they’re talking about and has made the recipe many times before.
This pisses my wife off at times, because when I’m missing even a single little ingredient, she has to stop at the store on her way home from work to bring it to me. She seems to think you can substitute ingredients, but I say NAY NAY to that!
I understand that we all have different tastes, some better than others. I am no snobby gourmet, but there are people in the world who eat at the Olive Garden on purpose and think it’s wonderful. I’m not one of those folks either! Those people have no class or taste and their recipes are to be avoided. When you have terrible food and service, you give the people all they can eat of something so they don’t care about the terrible food and service!
I’ve had more luck with recipes that have both good ratings and lots of reviews. When hundreds of people have reviewed it, it’s generally a good sign that the recipe is pretty ok.
One of the things I’ve noticed about reviewers that drives me bonkers though is that there are fucktards who give the recipe 4 or 5 stars and then explain how they’ve substituted 98% of the ingredients for something else and then cooked it a completely different way than the original recipe said to do it! That’s not the same recipe, asshole!
I understand that some people are diabetic or whatever and need to substitute an ingredient or two for something similar in taste, or that some people are health conscious (God I hate you people) and insist on using low fat whatever in their dishes instead of what tastes good so that they’ll live to be 85 instead of only 83. Those two years crapping your adult diaper in a nursing home are surely worth a lifetime of depriving yourself of delicious food!
Those people are fine. It’s people who go overboard that I want to kick in the vagina.
For example, were I wanting to cook my family a nice lasagna and checked the reviews of a lasagna recipe for suggestions, it would not surprise me one bit to find that Jane from Omaha, Nebraska has written the following:
My family and I just love love love this lasagna recipe! We live in the middle of nowhere, so we can’t get our hands on ricotta cheese (even though Jane apparently has internet
access?) or some of the other ingredients, so I made some substitutions. I was all out of Italian sausage, so I doubled the beef. My family likes the meat not to be all crumbled up, so I packed the meat into patties and used American cheese in place of the exotic cheeses I couldn’t find at the Wally’s IGA up the street. I realized that I was also out of lasagna noodles and sauce, so I used ketchup and bread because carbs are carbs, right? We like our buns room temperature, so I added those at the last minute. So I took the meat and cheese and cooked it for 30 minutes and then added more cheese after cooking. I didn’t have parsley to put on the lasagna, so I used lettuce instead. I put the patties between the buns to complete the lasagna and served it with french fries. It was delicious. Thanks for sharing this lasagna recipe!
No, thank you, Jane, for being an unhelpful dumbass and wasting 4 minutes of my life!