Carly doesn’t get much love around here so the Daily Prompt for the day was the perfect time to write a pretty stupid post about a pretty stupid dog. Well, she’s stupid like a fox, I guess.
I’m much bigger nowadays…
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“Woof! Woof!!!” C’mon people, I’m tired of being in this crate! It’s 7:15 A.M on a Saturday, let’s get a move on!
“Woof!”
“Carly, shut up!”
Awe, that’s bogus. What the fuck? I’m ready to start my day!
Hey, who’s that?
Jojo? Yes, Jojo, come here! Bring your old yellow lab ass over here and let me out of this crate!
Come on! What? What are you doing? No, Jojo, don’t just lie down on the floor! What the fuck?! Why aren’t you in a crate too, anyway?!! You bitch!
“Woof!”
“Carly, NO!! Shut the fuck up!”
Awe, man! I guess I’ll lay back down for a bit.
Shhh, what’s that? Oh, it’s that G$ creature crying! He’s awake!
Hey, why don’t you yell at him to shut up, Don!!??
“Woof!”
“Shut up, Carly! I’ll be down for you in a minute.”
Hmmph! Jerk!
Ok, here he comes down the steps carrying G$. Alright, let me out now! Let me out!
“Carly, you wanna go potty?”
Fuck yeah! I’ve been in this crate all damn night! Let me out!
“Ok girl, come on, let’s go pee.”
Whooooo! Freedom!!! Whooo!!!! I’m running! I’m running! I’m running around the house full speed!!! Whooooo!!!!
“CARLY!!! Settle down!!”
Awe…
“Come here.”
Pffffft! Fine, I’ll go outside this time. Hey what’s with the cord attached to my collar? I won’t go anywhere but the immediate, oh LOOK, a squirrel!
I’m running! I’m running! I’m running!!! AAAAck! My neck! Dog down! Dog down! What the fuck? Oh right, the cord! Dammit.
“Stupid ass dog.”
Shut up, Don! Stupid human!
“Woof!!” Next time, squirrel!!
Alright, back inside! What’s going on here. Oh my God, Jojo is eating! Jojo is eating and I’m not! Ahhh! I’m running! I’m running! I’m running around the house full speed!!!
“CARLY!!!”
Sorry! Sorry about that!
Oh my gawd, I want to eat! I want to eat!!! Feed me!!
“Here, I have some food for you right here, dog.”
OH MY GOD, YES!!!!
Is it?
Is it?
Yes! It’s the same food I’ve eaten twice a day for the seven months I’ve been alive!! I Love it!! I’m jumping! I’m Jumping! I’m jumping!!!
“Carly, stop jumping!!”
Sorry dude! Nomnomnomnom, oh, this is so good! Watch me eat this in four seconds! Whooo! Fuck you, JoJo I beat you eating our food!
Sweet, now I’m going to walk around and sniff everything and everywhere. What’s this? What’s that? Oh a ball!
“Carly, no!”
Oh, that’s not one of my balls I guess.
Oh my God, the leash! Don’s got the leash!! Whooo! We’re going for a walk!!! And I’m running! I’m running! I’m running around the house!!
“Carly! Fuck!! Settle down!”
Sorry! Sorry ’bout that! My bad.
Oh boy, what are we doing? The car? The car? No, not the car! I hate the car! NO!!!!!!
“Carly, come here! Dammit, I can’t pick your big ass up like this all the time!”
I’m running! I’m running! I’m runn…ow, the leash! That’s right. I’m not running.
Oh my Lord, I don’t feel so good…Driving sucks. Oh, look at that other dog out the window!!
“Woof!” Hi other dog!! Oh no, here it comes…bleeeeagh!!!
“Awe, Carly!! NO!! DAMMIT!”
Sorry about that! Didn’t mean to puke all over your floor boards, but you know I hate car rides! I’ve told you that 100 times!!
The park? Yay, we’re at the park!! I love the park!!! We’re going to run!!!
I’m out of the car! I’m running! I’m running! I’m running!
“Carly!! Come here!”
We’re jogging!
What’s that a frog? Sniff!
Oh, what’s that a tree? Sniff!
Oh my God, is that grass, sniff sniff!
AIR! AIR IS BLOWING!!!! Sniff!!
“Carly, come on! Let’s get this over with!”
Sorry! That was air I smelled, Don!! Air!!!
Finally back home after that great jog. I’m beat. Awe, come on, the crate again!!? What the fuck!? Where are you people going now?? Where do you all go together without me all the time!!???
Fuck you all!! I hate you!!!
BYE!! BYE! I love you!! I’ll miss you!!! Dammit, they left.
Where do they go, Jojo?!! Where do they go without us all the time and why are you not in a crate too!!??
Oh look, they left me a bone!! I have a bone!! I’m chewing my bone!!!
Sigh….
This sucks.
What’s that? Hello?
Who’s there?
Are you people home?
“Carly and Jojo, we’re home!”
Oh my God, my people are back!!!!
“Come on out, Carly!”
Oh my God, I’m free!! I’m running, I’m running, I’m running!
“Carly!”
Sorry! Sorry ’bout that!
Oh boy, we’re all going to watch tv now!
I’m going to sneak off over here now and oh, what’s that smell? I’m going to pee right here on this nice carpet and just…
“Carly, no!!!!! FUUUUUUCK!”
I’m running! I’m running! I’m running!!!!!
“Carly, come here!”
No way, man!!! I’m running! I’m running! I’m running!
“Carly?! COME!”
NO! You’re going to yell at me.
“Carly, come here.”
Mmmmmm, fine…
“Get your butt outside!”
Boy, everytime I piss on the carpet I end up out here. I love it out here, so I guess I should keep pissing on the carpet then, right? Right? Hey rabbit, I’m talking to you! I’m running! I’m running! I’m running after a rabbit!!!
“Woof!” Next time rabbit!
“Carly! Come on in.”
Oh boy, more of that dog food I love and it’s time to lay down next to Jojo to rest finally!
What a great way to end the best day I’ve had since yesterday!!
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LOVE IT!!!! you put my post to shame!!!
Ha! I must have been reading yours at the same time.
haha…how funny! Carly is adorable!!
Otis got stung by wasps two years ago at our old house. Now he thinks any house that I am in is going to have wasps flying around. So he lives under a bed. 24/7 if we’d let him. I rescued him from the wasps! I got stung! You don’t see ME living under the bed! (although this last year it’s been tempting) His name used to be Otis. Now it’s Poor Old Otis.
You should call him POO for short!!
GAH! How do you come up with this shit?! Too funny, I almost choked on my horrible sweet potato that is my dinner. Poo, indeed.
Yep, sounds about right. This is precisely the reason I do not want to get another puppy. You forgot about the random destruction of every fucking thing in your house, which will suspiciously have bite marks and dog drool all over it. I want a JoJo. Old and over it.
Yay old fat dogs!! And husbands!
I teach 2 1/2 year old children…this is my life every day for 4 hours. Great post! Made me laugh all the way through.
While I’m stoked that you got a laugh, I’m exhausted just thinking about your life for those 4 hours. God bless you for doing it though, somebody has to I guess.
I guess.. 😉
I’m express shipping Carly a bar of LifeBoy.
Hahaha, LifeBoy, wait…what is that?
Soap. To wash out her potty mouth.
I read this post to my Mister and he laughed so hard he hurt something. He suggested you guest post on Blogdramedy. I agreed. Interested?
Lol. Maybe. What are you proposing?
I’m thinking of running four posts the week of Halloween. Yours could be based on your own experience, one of your kids, all of your kids…whatever you want. We can chat more off-blog. My email is blogdramedy@gmail.com.
Love it. One of our last dogs was a lunatic for ten years. Yes ten feckin long years!!! We had to by a new table and chairs because she ate the old ones.
This time we hit the jackpot. “Sit”, she sits, “Stay” she stays. No crazy dog yowling in the car, she just lies down and waits to arrive. It is heaven. My husband the non dog fella is mad about her, but is giving out that we are treating her like celebrities treat their dogs because we take her everywhere.
Mind you he is not man enough to take her for a walk alone, as she is not a mans dog, I never knew he was so vain! You learn something new every day. At home though he is as big an eejit as we are with her.
They all have their own personalities, that’s for sure. Carly is actually a pretty good dog, it’s just that she’s a puppy still. Puppies are exhausting.
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This is why I don’t have the patience for a dog too!! Cute post though. And, very cute dog.
You’re a wise woman, but It think some dog related posts from you would be hilarious.
Well, I’ve thought about a ranting post about how much I hate dog owners…..
There ya go!
hmmm you do dog extremely well, it’s like… you are one… 😉
Woof woof ICM!! Or something…
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Carly is adorable. Puppies are way too excitable for me though. I prefer Mr Bixby to look at me with grumpiness and disgust…
His stern, disapproving glare does seem to fit you perfectly. I love it.
I suppose there’s some psycho-babble that explains how understood Carly is by you that I wouldn’t understand anyway so instead I’ll just say AWESOME hilarious post, Don. I had a dog like that once. Love it. That was air I smelled, Don!! Air!!!
Lol. Air…she’s not the brightest. Thanks for reading, Ninee!
Awwww, Carly sounds like a sweetheart, almost makes me want to get a dog. The cats the rule the kingdom would never allow that, of course, but still, a jester can dream from time to time.
Okay, dream over, I just remembered all the face licking and jumping and having to go for walks, and yeah… never mind.
If you cleaned up your language, you’d have another FP on your hands. LOVE. Off to share it with people.
Im laughing Im laughing I can’t take it anymore I’m crying …this was SOO good and Im so glad to see others enjoy the daily prompts and daily posts stuff like I do (no matter how much time I DONT get to follow up by writing the posts that they’re supposed to encourage…in a way thank goodness you’d be a hard act to follow sir! Round of applause again Hats Off!
“YOU, are the Man” .. “Dawg …”
(lame but I just HAD too)
J9;)
My son brought home a puppy, Lucy, and gave me that boy-needs-dog face. The tag from the shelter said she would be about 35 pounds, so I caved. The vet cracked up when I mentioned the 35 target. “Oh, yeah she’ll be 35 pounds. For a day.” About a minute later the boy took off for college and left me with Lucy, who as best I could determine was 100+ pounds of cross between a black lab and a RUS (Rodent of Unusual Size — Princess Bride). She only liked one person and he had left her so she spent her remaining years pissed at the universe. To her, small children, tv remotes, dress shoes, and random pieces of furniture were hors d’oevres. I was an annoyance, but both brain cells were on 24-hour alert for intruders — trash truck, the mailman, and her nemesis, the UPS driver — who needed to be eaten. Immediately. With much, much barking.
Reblogged this on bl0gdramedy and commented:
Because I’m up to my elbows in plaster dust and my fingers are cramped from painting, I’m mostly post-less this week. So enjoy this from DOAT.
Hahahaha thank you for the reminder of why I don’t have a dog! But I really want one, which is dumb bc we already have two cats, two turtles, a rabbit and a Betta fish (that’s surely dying). We’re the token humans in our house. Funny post as always Don : )