I am by and large a fairly laid back and patient person. I coach little league without flying off the handle too easily and I’ve never kicked my puppy or son for pissing all over the carpet in a fit of uncontrolled rage.
No, my rage is mostly controlled and it sprouts only occasionally, and almost always from the most mundane of circumstances.
I’ve come to grips with the fact that driving will always cause me to fly off the handle because people who smoke or have a uterus or the last name Nguyen just don’t fucking get it. Driving is extra hard for a lot of people and their confusion causes me much rage. I’ve tried to use techniques to keep myself calm, but I’ve found in the end that screaming profanities at my windshield and making awkward hand gestures to those who cut me off helps make me feel better faster.
This is all fine and dandy but for the fact that my brain doesn’t care whether I’m driving alone or with the boys in the back seat while they’re soaking in every “fuck you you stupid fat bitch” or “holy fuck you stupid mother fucker, it’s the pedal on the right!!!!”
Yeah, it’s that bad sometimes.
Aside from driving, work and stupid people generally, I’ve recently been reintroduced to an entity I can do without the aggravation from in the way of the schools my kids attend.
Ace goes to the local public school. It’s taken them two weeks to figure out how to get the kids to and from various bus stops and the school within a half hour of the time that they themselves predesignated as the anticipated time coordinates. I don’t believe that it was a shock to the administration that there would be bus routes to plan as she rode the bus to and from school last year as well as the year before that and so on. Hell, I rode buses to and from school 30 years ago so I know they’ve been around long enough that bus routes should be old hat.
Aside from the buses and the paperwork that everybody has to fill out, we get emails updating us on all the school shenanigans and what not. It’s quite a bit of information and more than my brain can handle sometimes.
The most recent nugget of information that set me off mildly was this:
Please know that in compliance with XX School District’s Policy XX, School name is joining the many District schools that have moved away from FOOD items to celebrate students’ birthdays.
Here at School, we do love to celebrate birthdays and each classroom teacher will still have ways that they recognize your child on their special day. However, beginning this school year, if parents wish to send in a birthday item to help celebrate their child’s birthday, they are required to choose a NONEDIBLE treat. Examples/ideas could include: special erasers, pencils, stickers, bookmarks, donation of a class book, etc.
If food items are sent in with a student, the food will be held in the office and sent back home at the end of the day.
For parents wishing to eat lunch with their child, they may still do so; however parents should bring food for ONLY their child. When you arrive at school, please be sure to sign in at the front office and receive your visitor badge. Please note that ONLY the parent’s child may eat with them.
As we continue to strive for the best safety and security measures for your children, we thank you in advance for your understanding and cooperation in regards to these important health and safety issues.
How is this a fucking safety concern?
While I do look forward to bringing in a whole chocolate cake and eating it at Ace’s lunch table with her while her table mates look upon us in jealousy because we’re not allowed to share, this policy still makes me somewhat sad in addition to pissing me off.
I remember in first grade our teacher had a kids’ recipe book and we got to pick things out of the book to make for treats if we wanted to. I was the same dope then as I am now, so we made frozen chocolate covered bananas on my birthday that year. I remember them being delicious, but have never since eaten a chocolate covered banana that didn’t make me want to wretch.
The schools allowed parents to make shit to bring in for birthday treats and it was fun when somebody who had a Pinterest type mom before Pinterest was cool would bring in some outrageous cake or cup cake treats as a big hey fuck you other kids, I love my kid more than your mom loves you! They were usually delicious.
The schools moved away from home made treats because, quite honestly, who knows if somebody has baked a cake in their trailer that they let their dog lick or whose nasty ass cat didn’t walk all over before it got frosted and it was just easier to bring in a store bought snack.
Of course the bought snack arsenal then had to be disarmed of peanuts and whatever else it was that 1% of every school kid is allergic too because everything in society now has to be geared towards the weakest link in the chain.
It was just a matter of time then, I guess, before the snacks were done away with forever. With classroom sizes growing so big now, it’s probably best that there not be parties every other school day. Kids will lose valuable learning time and little Suzie Fatfuck’s mom would be beside herself that the school was allowing unhealthy treats to be served to her daughter while she’s not there to supervise. There’s always one parent who ruins something for everyone by being a totally unreasonable bitch.
Snacks are out now in Ace’s school. She could give two shits though because her birthday is in the summer anyway. Still, I feel bad for the unpopular kids. They could really earn cool kid points by bringing in a snack that rocked their classmates’ world before. Now, however, they’ll have to win friends over with erasers or pencils. Haha, yeah, good luck with that, kid.