What a stupid title for a post. Forgive me, friends, but I’m at work (shhhhhhh!) trying to squeeze in a post real quick. Normally the work computer won’t allow me to access my own blog to edit or create new posts. I assume it has something to do with the gratuitous use of the word fuck as it normally tells me “ACCESS DENIED due to site containing…..”adult material.” Uh, we’re all adults here Websense, you prick! Besides, the software clearly doesn’t read my blog regularly, because calling the content adult is a stretch at best.
Anyway, for those still new to this here blog who weren’t scared off by my disdain for sickly children’s parents and their hatred for birthday snacks in school, I’ve made threats off and on for the past few months that I was going to lose a little bit of weight.
This here picture of me that my neighbor was kind enough to post on Facebook was sort of the last straw.
Wait, no, that’s not the one…stand by.
Here we go…
For those who’ve asked, that’s a little girls bike, not a full sized bike!! Geezaloo! The little girl who owned the bike left it on my lawn overnight like we’re Alabamans, so I was being nice and returning it instead of tossing it in the trash out of spite.
The picture has been making its way around the interwebz with my friends all being total dicks at my expense as usual, ha ha ha, look at Don, he looks like a circus bear, etc.
It’s my own fault for posting the picture when I wrote about my wanting to lose weight after my four year old asked me why I was so fat.
After a couple of weeks pushing myself to the brink of diabetes, I finally decided to take the plunge and train for a half marathon as a way of getting back into semi-decent shape.
Boy this post is going nowhere fast, but the point of part of it was to address the many of you who’ve been kind enough to inquire as to how it’s going. Well, by many I mean two or three of you.
For three weeks I’ve jogged every Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday without missing a single day. I’ve logged 43 miles thus far and have watched what I’ve been eating a little bit better than usual. I don’t deprive myself by any stretch in that I’ve put away a 16″ pizza in one dinner sitting and have had my share of beers a few times as well. I’ve had WAY fewer beers than normal though. In fact, the last 12 pack of Bud Light Lime I bought was for my daughter’s birthday party (that’s right, I drink at my kids’ parties!) back in early August. I’ve eaten a LOT of cottage cheese! I don’t even know if it’s good for me or not, but I’ve grown to hate it, so it must be good for me, right?
The stuff I buy at home is low fat, so its awfulness varies from quite putrid to to oh my god this is fucking terrible, depending on the brand.
I even order it as a side dish at the chicken palace a lot now. I suspect they don’t use low fat cottage cheese because it’s not terrible. While it’s probably not as healthy for me as I want to believe it is, it beats the double order of crinkle cut french fries that I’d been eating there for ten years, several times a week, for sure.
Depending on the scale’s mood, I’ve lost between ten and 15 pounds, so let’s call it ten. I believe that’s real weight and not just water loss. I notice that I don’t have to suck my gut in as far to put my gun belt on, and that’s the real test for me as to how I’m doing.
I was feeling pretty good about myself when Cool (my four y/o) was kind enough to put me in my place again.
He caught me without my shirt on and came up to me just as nonchalant as could be and asked me why I had big ones like mommy as he was literally cupping and patting my
HOLY FUCK YOU LITTLE FREAK!!!!!
Seriously guys, they aren’t that bad!!! He’s four!!! They’re certainly not as big as his mother’s awesome “elbows” as Cool calls them.
Anyway, in spite of what he thinks, the whole thing is going great. I bought some new shoes from a running store and they’ve really done the job with respect to keeping my feet from hurting too badly after I run. I’ve only done five miles for a long run so far though. The real test will be when I go eight or ten miles. If I feel ok after those runs then I think I’m in the clear as far as registering for a half marathon in Kansas City in late October.
Oh, here’s a gratuitous G$ shot after he was the one run over by a Jeep. I was going to talk about the weekend a bit, but this post has gotten away from me already.
We have ten houses on our street and about 16 kids all ten years old and under. It can be a zoo in the cul de sac, especially when they all have their bikes or electric rides out. We’ve had numerous accidents on the street, and G$ was the most recent victim.
While he was getting the hang of his strider bike, Cool and his partner in crime struck him with one of these, knocking him to the ground.
While G$’s face was kissing the pavement after the initial fall, Cool turned around to apologize to me for running his brother over while simultaneously pumping the accelerator again to finish the job. Tragic.
I’m sure Cool wasn’t getting back at G$ for anything G$ may have done earlier in the day like breaking Cool’s crayons; it was just an accident.
His chin took the brunt of the damage, but I wasn’t about to risk waking the sleeping beast to get the money shot! You get the idea.
Tough booger that he is though, he grabbed a Popsicle, wrote Cool’s name on his list of people whose asses he needs to kick some day and carried on.