One of my favoritest people in the blogging world, Molly, (seriously, she comes from circus stock! Go read her stuff, she’s fantastic.) , reminded me of this old post wherein I regaled readers with stories from the fried chicken palace.
For those unfamiliar with my pathetic life, I have many jobs (hence the donofalltrades thing, right?). One of those jobs is to put my police uniform on and go stand in the parking lot of a restaurant that serves heaping plates of fried food and other Americana related cuisine. It’s not my main patrol gig, it’s moonlighting or secondary employment. I mostly stand in the heat or rain or cold and ponder why the fuck I didn’t go to dental school like I originally wanted to.
The pay for standing around and doing nothing for the most part is pretty good, and the people watching is always fantastic. When the moon is full or it’s the first week of the month (hello government funded dinners!) I’m euphoric with glee at the people I see (Seussian, no?).
Just the other day my work wife and I enjoyed lunch at the palace and saw a woman who looked like this here cartoon woman, Kendra Krystal Krinklesac.
When I say she looked like this woman in the picture, I don’t mean that she was just sort of big and rode a rascal, I mean they were EXACTLY the same looking person! It was freaky. The real life Krinklesac is no stranger to the palace of fried goodness. She dines there everyday. Literally, every day! The palace is ok to enjoy maybe once a week, if you aren’t eating the chicken everytime, but everyday is just too much!
Besides being ginormous and simply driving up to a table of her choosing on her rascal as though she owned the joint, she was there with a person I assumed, based on her scrubs, was her health care assistant of some sort. They both ordered fried chicken for lunch AND shared some fried mushrooms, fried raviolis (do people not in St. Louis know what these are) AND a heaping side of cheese and bacon laden french fries. Holy fuck! The waitress said they eat like that every day and that sometimes their credit cards don’t work. That’s rich, but not surprising at this joint.
Speaking of doesn’t have a functioning credit card, last month I walked past a table and my spider sense started tingling. After a few years policing the streets of the hood, you can just begin to sense when something is amiss.
There was a couple dining at a table who didn’t quite look homeless, but were close. Now there are plenty of people who don’t get dressed up to dine at the palace, see exhibit A below, so to stand out by being dingier and stinkier than the average patron is no small feat.
These two diners were epically stinky, filthy and downright nasty to nearly all of the senses. I’d say all of them, but I didn’t touch either of them.
Sure enough, when the bill comes to the table the couple is flummoxed by the $87 cost of their meals.
“Uh, it’s her birthday today.” Says the man.
I must interject that the palace offers birthday diners a free chicken dinner on their birthdays. The drink is not included and if you don’t want chicken, you can get the cost of a chicken dinner ($6.99) deducted from the price of whatever you do eat, if it costs more.
“Yes sir, I only charged you for one of the dinners, see?” Answers the poor waitress who can probably see where her tip is going.
“Fuck that!” Says the classy lady at this point. “I thought the WHOLE meal was free!”
I’m about pissing my pants with laughter at this point because these two fucksticks had both eaten a dinner each along with two appetizers AND, no shit now 8 gin and tonics for the lady and at least 10 Bud bottles for the mister.
The waitress looked at me and gave me a pretty clear fuck you look before I went outside to await this couple’s egress.
Sure enough, they walked out without paying and had the audacity to claim that they believed the whole dinner, drinks and all was free! It’s hard to tell with really stupid people if they’re fibbing or not, and these were those sorts of people. I took their id and wrote their information down and told them that they had until tomorrow night to come talk to the owner about what to do about the bill. I said I would have to come take them to jail the day after, if they hadn’t showed up to make things right (that was never going to happen by the way), and to their credit, they DID come back and speak to the manager. Of course they didn’t have money and said they wouldn’t until their first of the month check came in a couple of weeks.
They’ve been banned from the palace.
I’m not saying that I’m having the best blogging run ever, but I’m having the best blogging run ever! I was recently Freshly Pressed, then featured on a men of WordPress calendar and just today I learned that I won another contest over at another of my favorite person’s blog!
Renee over at renée a. schuls-jacobson’s blog had a fine idea this summer. Part one of the fine idea was to send her only child to summer camp for like 32 weeks so that she’d have more time to sip coffee and wine and blog and shop and do whatever it is she does without a teenager around. Part two involved having her blogging friends write letters to her son at camp so that she wouldn’t have to do it herself! Wow!
She received many great letters and I’m honored (honoured for my Aussie and Canadian pals) to announce that Tech Support (her son) chose mine as his favorite!
Go check it out, it’s a fine piece, if I do say so myself.