Nice things and making hookers cry…wtf ever for FTSF…

The nicest thing someone ever did for me was…

Haha, I’m going to totally admit that my mind went straight back to when I was 14 and that nice 15 1/2 year old girl had the sex with me. I know, right? That’s sick. I only remember she was 15 1/2 because she had a 1965 Mustang in the garage, but she couldn’t drive it because she wasn’t 16 yet.

That whole story about my first tryst is actually pretty funny and maybe a little sad and sick and somewhat sordid, but I’ll save it for another day.

There is so much non-niceness in the world today that it should be pretty easy to pick out the nicest of the nice, right? I mean it’s so bad nowadays that when a person actually gives me a courtesy wave when I let them over in traffic or says, “thank you” when I hold a door open for them, I just want to fucking hug them and say, “no, THANK YOU!!!! THANK YOU FOR NOT BEING A TOTAL DICKWAD LIKE 98% OF THE REST OF HUMANITY!”

K, maybe it’s not THAT bad, but it’s sort of sad.

I like nice people and I like nice deeds. Last week my partner and I were having lunch at a bar and grill, in uniform, and some guys paid our bill, anonymously. That happens every now and then and it always touches me every single time.

I’m not living with somebody else’s kidney and nobody has paid off my school loans or anything great like that, so I’m having a hard time coming up with the nicest thing someone ever did for me. I bet I’ll read some of the other posts tomorrow and be reminded of something really great that somebody did for me, but right now, I’m drawing a blank.

There are thousands of things that people have done for me and my family, from our great neighbors picking up our son from school as a favor to us a few times, or cutting my grass or buying me beer. Yes, my neighbors kick ass.

I have a great extended family too. Some aunts and uncles of mine have let me live with them when I was younger or let me borrow a car or cash or taught me how to tie my shoes and drive a stick shift.

All nice things and all things I appreciate a lot.

I’m going to cop out on talking about any of those or other nice things to talk about work again, because that’s what’s on my mind the most, outside of my family these days, so here goes.

The nicest thing somebody has ever done for me was…put me back in a patrol car.

For those new to my story, I’m a cop who went to law school while working as a cop. I’ve worked in the Legal Division as an attorney for most of the last six or seven years, only wearing my uniform a few times a month to work secondary on my own.

When it first happened last month, I was angry and somewhat hurt. I felt unappreciated for what I’d given and given up to work a desk job that required much more of my time than those who make snarky comments about a “cush” job will ever know. I’ve had cush jobs at the department, don’t get me wrong, but working as a lawyer isn’t cush by any stretch.

Anyway, I’m back on the beat and

*looks around*

and I’m sort of loving it.

I haven’t had to use my brain in a month. I go to work, do my eight hours and go home without having to think about it at all, for the most part.

I’m not in a stuffy, hot as fuck break room “office” anymore either. I’m outside all day. I can drive around, walk around in a park or near the Mississippi River, if I want. Sure, some of the areas are rough and the abject poverty can be depressing, but the area has much more to offer than just those things. Plus, every day or even every call is something new and possibly unexpected.

This week alone, I’ve managed to make one man I thought I was going to have to shoot with a Taser when we first encountered each other try to hug me before we parted ways, convinced an older gentleman that his plants were probably dying because an asteroid had hit the earth somewhere in Africa and moved the planet off its axis a little bit, so they probably weren’t getting the right amount of light anymore, and just yesterday, I made a hooker cry.

Before I worked in the office, I’d patrolled an area of the city where prostitutes were errrrrrrrywhere, so I know one when I see one.

I noticed this woman from across the street, bent over at the waist as she jiggled her chest at what I can only assume was a passing car. She looked to her right, saw my car, and immediately started walking in the opposite direction than she was before.

Prostitutes are wonderful people to get to know as a cop, because if you want information, they got information. Since I was new to the area, I pulled up to her and asked her if I could talk to her for a second.

She was young and rough looking, but not beyond hope to be beautiful again. She was angry that I stopped her and she let me know it.

“What the fuck, man! I ain’t doing nothing wrong,” were the first words out of her mouth.

“I didn’t say you were. You don’t have to stop and talk to me just because I asked. You can tell me to get bent, if you want,” was my truthful response.

It was true that she didn’t have to talk to me, and if she’d have given me the finger and walk away, that would have been the end of it, but she looked quizzically at her cigarette and then at me and then at her feet.

“I don’t got any warrants. That fat cop who always harasses me locked me up last week. I just got out yesterday. He’s a fucker.”

I laughed and asked who she was talking about and when she said his name, I knew who she meant.

“Ah, he’s okay, really. He’s just doing his job.”

“He’s a fucker anyway.”

We talked for a couple of minutes. She is 24 and homeless and not interested in help getting off the streets yet. Not yet, but she is going to be one of my projects I think. I’ll nag her or whatever it takes until she finally tries to get her ass off the streets and into something more stable. It may work out, or she may get stabbed in the chest and bleed to death in an alley because some dude mistakenly thought she was laughing at his penis.

That happened a long time ago to another hooker. That’s also sort of a funny, sad, sordid story. I told this young lady that I’d hate to see that happen to her, so if I could help find her some resources, I wanted her to call me. I told her that she could do better for herself. She’s still young enough for god’s sake. I told her that outside of the cursing, she sounded really bright and that she had a great smile. She’d do well in customer service that didn’t involve such high risk blow jobs. She looked at me sort of stunned for a second and laughed. I watched a tear race down her face. It was one of those fast ones that comes from nowhere. I think it surprised her, but it told me that she can be moved, if the right person can point her somewhere interesting enough to move towards.

She more than likely won’t ever call, but that’s okay. I tried to do something, which is better than doing nothing. I will stop her every single time I see her on the street and ask her to talk to me for a minute. Maybe she’ll tell me to get bent, or maybe one day she’ll be tired enough of having to talk to me that she’ll let me do something to help her.

I like doing something, and now that I’m back on the beat, there’s no shortage of something for me to do.


This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post. The sentence is “One of the best things somebody ever did for me was… ”  by Sarah at Left Brain Buddha. Please go show her some extra love.

Janine: Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic
Kate: Can I get another bottle of whine?
Stephanie: Mommy, for Real
Finding Ninee

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51 Responses to Nice things and making hookers cry…wtf ever for FTSF…

  1. rossmurray1 says:

    Gritty and true.Good luck with the job and your project.

  2. Paul says:

    That’s what it takes to make the world a better place Officer Don – one person at a time. Awesome post. Keep up the good work.

  3. The guys above me said it best. Really nice work.

  4. Kristi Campbell - findingninee says:

    Fuck. This is why we’re married, on the internets, anyway. You’re funny as fuck and also, awesome as all. You’re making the world better. You are. Also you hated the desk job more than you remember. Still, you rock for, well, everything. Please, please, please, keep making hookers cry. You know I need you to, and you know why.
    Also please stay safe, ok?

  5. lisanewlin says:

    Being a lawyer isn’t nearly as much fun as being a cop sounds. I’m also somewhat curious as to whether that story about the asteroid hitting Earth and changing the axis rotation is true.

    One thing is for certain; that fat cop really is a fucker.

  6. djmatticus says:

    This world needs more people like you, Don. You are a truly good guy.

  7. Oh, Don. This is totally not dumb as fuck. I love this story, and I’m glad you’re happy doing what you want to do. My parents owned/ran a homeless shelter when I was a kid. One of my best friends at the shelter was a hooker’s kid. She was in and out, and my mom really wanted to “fix her,” but one day she and the girl disappeared and never came back. I hope she had someone like you looking after her.

  8. MishaBurnett says:

    Some years ago I was working as a clerk on the graveyard shift of a Circle K store in Tucson, AZ, in the middle of a street nicknamed “The Stroll” for the large number of prostitutes that worked it.

    One night I was stocking behind the counter and one comes in to get a soda. I put down what I am doing to ring her out and she says, “You didn’t have to stop what you were doing–I’m just a whore” in a half-joking tone and I say back, in the same tone, “Out there you’re a whore, in here you’re a customer.”

    I didn’t realize it at the time, but evidently what I said really touched her, and she decided that I was a sweet guy and need someone to watch out for me. On more than one occasion she intervened in situations that were turning ugly with other customers (usually because I was refusing service to drunks.)

    Total “Androcles and the Lion” moment.

  9. Definitely think you are right where you belong now and actually couldn’t picture it any other way, because you really do have this in your blood from all I have read and gotten to know from you with your blog. So, happy that you are back on the beat, too 🙂

  10. barbtaub says:

    There are a few people who changed my life — teachers who went above and beyond, a particular emergency room nurse, an incredible boss. Of course you did good work and probably made a difference as a lawyer. But I’m absolutely positive there are people out there for whom Don-the-uniform-cop is a life-changer. Thanks for this story, and even more thanks for taking the time to care. You are amazing.

  11. The Cutter says:

    You know what they say: Everytime a hooker cries, an angel gets its wings!

  12. rynolexson says:

    I love this story, make sure you keep us all posted on how this turns out. I think you can really help this girl out. Maybe one day she will blog about you doing the nicest thing for her. Aw man, this is just so sweet, you are so sweet Don____ Re. Keep at it.

    • Hahaha, shut up, Ryan! Sweet indeed. She was just arrested for stealing a car the other night, so it may take a minute to crack this nut. I’ll keep at it though, for you.

  13. Carrie Rubin says:

    I imagine much of a cop’s work requires the knowledge and use of psychology, not to mention a great deal of patience and a strong–really strong–sense of humor. You seem to excel at all. I love these glimpses into your professional world!

    • Awe, thanks Doc. There really is a lot that we expect of our police officers. It’s almost an unfair task to ask most of us to do. I take throwing somebody into a jail cell very seriously. It’s caging another human being, so I save it for only the most egregious offenders, if I can help it. Some cops don’t care and just like the ‘stats’. That the pay is so atrocious is disappointing.

  14. Uh yes the other side of policing. I was reminded of this when my house alarm went off at the alarm company but NOT at home. Charming. Police are called. As the car pulls up I go out to say goodbye to my son. Cop says I can’t go back in until his backup arrives as it could be a trap. Maybe I’m hiding someone inside etc. Well yes I am. My daughter. She’s 6. And currently peering out the window at me sheet faced white. “Why is mommy talking to a policeman and not coming back inside after saying goodbye to my brother? Is she going to be arrested?” Lord. Anywho, as we were faced with a good ten minute sidewalk chat I decided to engage him in some chitty chat. He divulged he’d just come from a horrible road accident. One thing led to another and I found out he’d been first on the scene at a recent neighbourhood murder. He turned out to be lovely chap and we parted as friends. Once he’d done the walk through of my house with his pal of course. Still cringe that my house was less than tidy but that’s another story …

    • I’m glad this had a happy ending. Sometimes a little common sense goes a long way with police work, but there are times when folks don’t know what the officer has just been through, so I’m glad he filled you in. I wrote a post once that sort of touches on this. It’s a letter to a Jane Doe who I wrote tickets to, if you’re interested.

  15. Stephanie Sprenger says:

    So first of all, I totally did an actual *facepalm* when I read your first paragraph. Second of all, I feel like whenever you join FTSF, I’ve written something serious instead of something funny, and instead of making you laugh, you’ll be all, “Oh, Steph, you and your stupid fucking Mommy guilt.” So do me a favor- you should just skip mine this week. That will be the nicest thing you can do for me. (See what I did there? With the sentence?)

  16. Wow, just wow! Glad you’re back on the street. Sounds much more fulfilling.

  17. You’re the shit, Don! I would stop hooking if you asked me to. My fingers are crossed she calls you.

    • OMG, you’d make a fortune until you started to look like a woman who’s made a fortune prostituting herself. It’s not always pretty. I love that you’d stop hooking. I’d buy you a Skinny Pirate to celebrate your new hooker free life!

  18. Julie says:

    Aw, I love these posts!! Man, I hope she listens to you. Can you mention she can get a job, fall in love, get married and never give a blowjob again?

    • Right!!!? Hello, that’s the big prize for a woman once she’s married isn’t it? Maybe a birthday BJ every now and then? Lol. She just got arrested for stealing a car, but I’ll continue to work with her and tell her that Julie says to get married and lose the BJs forever.

  19. Awesome post. I totally agree with the first part. The second, I’m in love with. That’s beyond awesome you want to help someone try to get a better life instead of take her down. I generally tell guys who I figure out are dealing drugs to go legit in the pharmaceutical industry. Company car. Nicer clothes. Better drug pushers (doctors). It’s a huge upgrade from dealing cocaine and pills on the streets. They never listen. They usually get busted (not because of me). At some point, people make their own decisions, but like the guys dealing on the streets, girls hooking usually don’t hear that they can do better. That they are smart enough for society. That their mind has something more to offer the world than their body. It’s really awesome for someone to step up and help the cause. Honestly, if she really doesn’t care to give blow jobs to any ugly guy off the street, she should just get a job and sleep her way to the top with class.

    PS I used to get free lunches once in a while when in uniform too, but my uniform was camouflage back in the day.

    PPS I never slept my way into a job position, but I did show enough cleavage. I once got Ben Roethlisberger’s autograph courtesy of my cleavage. If you got it. Flaunt it.

    • Flaunt it indeed!!! Lol. I look pretty good in my blue uniform, if I do say so myself ;-). The whole thing boils down to drug abuse in so many situations and putting these people in jail isn’t really what they need. I don’t purport to have the answers, but I like to think I’m able to read people well enough to know when to let somebody slide and when they need to be treated as the law suggests. If that makes any sense.

  20. Hi Don: Being a beat cop can be a super tough job or a super rewarding job. It’s mostly about the attitude that you bring with you each shift. Glad to hear that you are enjoying this part of your professional life….

    • It is a lot of both for sure! The rewarding generally outweighs the tough though, and I do find that my perspective is much better now that I’m older and a parent, than it was when I was doing this prior to having kids. Thanks, Anna.

  21. Sweet. Man, I had a rough day making cookies with some spoiled rich kids who destroyed my kitchen.. Perspective, it’s a powerful thing. Thanks!

    • Hey, spoiled rich kids would make me bonkers for real! I’d not be able to do this police work anywhere else but in the large urban area where I do it. Suburban policing just sounds so…so awful. Lol.

  22. mollytopia says:

    That’s awesome. You’re such a good person I can’t even stand it. Well done, Don. Your city is lucky to have you back on their streets : )

    • I do feel like I’m meant to be where I am. I’m a bit unusual as far as cops go, so most people don’t really know how to take me I think. It’s pretty funny at times, honestly.

  23. I haven’t been by often and certainly didn’t know your story, Don. I’ve been to law school, but have to take the bar in my new state, yet I love the idea of not working in an office. I’m not looking forward to sitting under fluorescent lighting dealing with the bullshit bureaucracy of the law. Glad you’re happy back on the streets.

    • Best of luck on the bar exam; it sucks ass for sure. I’m not giving up on a career in law yet, but it’s pretty painful for many reasons. Best of luck to you though!

  24. Sometimes it’s the little things that make all the difference in the world. I bet it’s been a long time since anyone treated the young person you mentioned as anything other than her job. For that moment, you reminded her that humanity is out there. I hope she surprises you and takes you up on your offer for help. You’re a good guy, sir. 🙂

  25. Glad to hear you’re back on the beat because you rock at it. Clearly this is where you belong. Thanks for looking out for all of us peeps. And for all the nice things you do.

    • Thanks, Suzanne, I appreciate that comment. I don’t know if it’s meant to be permanently, but I do feel as though this was meant to be right now for sure. It’s been good for me in several respects to be back among the peoples.

  26. maurnas says:

    This was lovely. I like to talk to homeless people but sometimes they are scary.

    • Yeah, they can be. This young lady isn’t scary yet, but she’ll get there fast, if she doesn’t change her ways. She just got arrested the other night for stealing a car, but I’m not giving up hope yet. Lol.

  27. Shelley says:

    You are a good man. BTW I’m supposed to be following you, but don’t have notifications. Missed your posts. 😦

    • Probably more because I haven’t been doing a very good job of posting than anything on your end. Lol. I did actually notice that a few people I was sure used to follow me have suddenly followed me again, so maybe something happened. Thank you for coming back though, it does mean a lot to me.

  28. markbialczak says:

    I am glad to see you back, many senses of the word, Don. Missed the return of the writing two weeks ago. You will rock back on the street beat, my friend.

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