I’ll come at you like a spider monkey, Chip! I’m all hopped up on Mountain Dew!

Todays Daily Prompt – Take a quote from your favorite movie — there’s the title of your post. Now, write!

Actually, I prefer this line from the same scene, but it was too long:

My teacher asked me, what was the capital of N Carolina? I said Washington DC (bingo) she said no, you’re wrong. I said you got a lumpy butt; she got mad at me and yelled at me and I pissed in my pants.

If using the Daily Prompt is cheating, then color me a cheater. Or color me blue, that’s my favorite color.

Anyway, I suppose it says something about me that my quote comes from a Will Ferrell movie, Talladega Nights. It just screams JACKASSSSSSSSS, right?

It’s not my favorite movie by a long shot, and I’m not even a Will Ferrell fan. I liked this movie and Old School, but that’s about it. I like them, I don’t love them.

But, for whatever reason (maybe all the lumpy asses I saw on the Honkey Bus this morning) that dinner prayer scene is what popped into my head and those lines above are my favorite lines from that scene.

You can YouTube Talladega Nights dinner scene, if you need some context. I can’t embed video right now.

The scene itself is pretty amusing, but the fact that the boys sitting at the dinner table were allowed to curse and berate their elderly grandfather, right in front of his face, without having their little asses whooped, was moderately infuriating.

I was in Best Buy a little while back (I go there when I can’t wait the two days it takes for an internet purchase to get to me) and a kid about 8 or 9 or 10, I don’t know, came running around the corner of an aisle and SLAMMED on his little shoe brakes to keep from crashing into me (he’d have lost that collision for sure).

He was going too fast to stop on a dime though and he had to reach out and support himself by using my body with his hands to keep from falling forward.

We sort of caught each other, I guess.

As I was waiting for the blood in my face to travel above my eyebrows so I’d look as crazy as I was about to react, the boy said, “I’m so sorry, sir, my brother was chasing me. We shouldn’t be running in the store, I’m really sorry again. Are you ok?”

“What?”

“I’m sorry,” said the lad again, sincerely.

“Where is your mom or dad, young man?”

“Uh, she’s right over there, sir.” He said, nervously.

She wasn’t but a few yards away, otherwise, I’d have just left it alone, but I walked over to her and got her attention.

“Ma’am?” I asked.

She turned and looked at me and immediately looked around (I assume for her sons) like a mother with young boys often does. I had two younger brothers, so I know the look, it’s a look of “oh boy, what did they do now” panic.


I sort of laughed and pointed to the boy who’d just nearly run me over and asked her if he was her son.

“Yes, ugh, what did he do? I’m so sorry! What did you do, whatever his name was?” She yelled past me to little whatever his name was.

I laughed and told her that I just wanted to tell her that I was very impressed with his politeness (sprinting in the store aside) and manners.

I told her we accidently ran into one another and he apologized repeatedly and called me sir even. I told her he seemed like a great kid and that I hoped my own boys act the same way when they’re his age.

She said thank you, pointed at what’s his face and said, semi-kiddingly but so that he could hear her, he BETTER apologize to an adult and call him sir!

Ah, I loved that woman as a parent right then and there.

I grew up with some friends whose mom and dad made them say yes sir and no ma’am and what not, even in their own house. I don’t know about having to call your dad sir all day, it made me uncomfortable, quite frankly.

We don’t make our kids call us ma’am and sir. We’re a family, not the Marine Corps. Besides, my dad is sir. I’m still Don.


I do make them open doors for people though, and say please and thank you and what not.

Kids need to be taught how to be polite, even if they choose not to be that way when they’re older. At least mom and dad can say they tried and failed instead of having to admit they have an asshole for an adult kid because they didn’t teach him any manners at all when he was younger.

Wife and I certainly aren’t the best parents in this department, I guess. I mean, our kids sometimes burp and fart at dinner (hell, I do that sometimes), but we do at least make them say excuse me and we try not to laugh at them while telling them not to do that at the table.

We curse in front of the kids too, sometimes knowingly, but oftentimes it just comes out. 
If they repeat it, we don’t make a big deal of it and they always let it slide. There’s a difference between knowing curse words and saying curse words when they shouldn’t.

I don’t want my kid to be the one on the playground as a 12 year old who doesn’t know what the words douche or bitch or dickhole mean. They need to know how to use these words correctly at some point, right? How will they someday drive an automobile otherwise?


We don’t let them curse, of course, but we don’t beat ourselves up for being ourselves in front of them either. I should mention that we do attempt to tone it down a little bit in front of them at least.

I’ve veered off course now and don’t remember what in the world I was going to type about.

My point was that the little guy in Best Buy, who almost ran me over (remember him?), did something that all people, not just kids should do, apologize or say excuse me when we run into somebody.

The fact is, most people, especially kids, are so caught up in themselves, or just plain rude, that they don’t say excuse me when they cut a person off or thank someone when somebody holds the door for them (grrrrrrrrr, YOU’RE WELCOME, PRICK!) and that’s why I was so taken aback that I wanted to compliment this woman on her son’s manners.

Sadly, 
I almost asked her if I could buy her son a video game or something because I was so impressed (thankfully, I remembered that those games are $30-$60 and refrained from offering).

Get at your kids like spider monkeys to set them straight like the grandma in this silly movie did.

I shouldn’t have been that impressed with this boy’s manners.

That behavior shouldn’t the exception, it should be the rule.
—————————
Daily Prompt.

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27 Responses to I’ll come at you like a spider monkey, Chip! I’m all hopped up on Mountain Dew!

  1. Mancakes says:

    I agree with so much of this post…except your love of Talladega Nights, which is one of those weird man movies that I will have to write a post about here eventually (there is a whole genre of movies that would not exist if there were no men..face it, ya’all never grow out of fart jokes). It says a lot about our society when we have to remark about DECENT behavior doesn’t it? I blame the baby boomers.

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  3. It is sad that it has become the exception. Good for you for letting the mom know she was doing a good job! Will Ferrell movies generally annoy me until I watch them for a second time, for some reason they’re better as leftovers.

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  5. whinybaby says:

    “I don’t want my kid to be the one on the playground as a 12 year old who doesn’t know what the words douche or bitch or dickhole mean.”

    Amen.

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  7. Amber Perea says:

    Jp just learned “thank you” and as with all children and new things…he loves to use it, especially if he hears it. The other day at the store he was be-bopping around my cart on his tippy toes (as he always does since being in the cart is actually a punishment) and a lady said, “Oh, he is soooo cute!”. I said thank you and Jp lit up and promptly repeated, “Tank yous”.

    She kept going on and on about what wonderful manners he had and what a great parent I was. I didn’t even bother to tell her he repeats it whenever he hears it whether or not it’s applicable.

    Normally at the store I am getting dirty looks for letting him run around so I took that one straight to the bank! 🙂

  8. I remember when my parents decided half-way through my childhood that we now needed to start saying sir and ma’am to them (because in the south, so many kids have to). I think we laughed. And, it maybe lasted a day.

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  12. djmatticus says:

    I’m not much of a Will Ferrell fan either, but, his movies are chalk full of quotable lines! The first one that sprang to mind this morning was from Anchorman, “Where did you get a trident?” Or something like that anyway. I think his comedy is brilliant in small doses.

  13. Josh Flaum says:

    I never once called my Mother “Ma’am”. She’d have killed me. I still turned out to be a polite @#$%.

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