A better don? Probably not like this….

Well, I had zero intention of posting anything today, tomorrow, or for the rest of the week.

I’m finding myself running out of things to talk about and there are only so many hanging with Jesus tales that I can remember well enough to do them any justice.

I type up posts on a whim and feel like I immediately have to click on that publish button instead of saving them for the next week.

I used to be so good with delayed gratification.

It drives my wife nuts that I don’t work on my posts some more and produce better quality crap. She seems to think I’m capable of even better crap!

That just seems like more work, and this is fun for me, not work.

Anyway, I wasn’t going to post, but I was riding into work on the Honkey Bus this morning and was somehow moved by the sunrise.

Was it the most beautiful sunrise ever?

No

Top 10?

No, probably not even top 50, honestly.

Would I rather have been on a cruise ship in the middle of the Caribbean with my wife in my arms and a drink by my side rather than surrounded by bus yokels?

Uh, yeah.

Still, something about it was at least pretty enough to keep me from my morning nap, especially when we reached the arch in a background of pinks and purples and blue. The picture I tried to take sucked, so use your imagination with this.

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Pretty, right?!

Perhaps my cognizance of the new day reminded me that yesterday was going to be the start of the new me.

Don’t be alarmed, faithful readers; I’m not changing my kickass personality or charming ways in any manner.

It’s the physical me that is going to be altered.

I’m not morbidly obese or anything, but I’ve got a bit of a beer gut now. I like the term barrel chested, if you will.

I suspect my beer gut is the consequence of drinking beer.

Lots of beer.

Yesterday, I was going to start eating better and walk/jog for the first time in months.

I was even going to hit the weights again.

I was going to start as soon as I got home with the boys.

It’s never a good evening forecast when one of the boys falls asleep on the 6 minute ride home from the sitter’s house.

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Yup! That always means some sort of monkey wrench in the evening routine.

I was determined though, so I chucked a still sleeping Cdawg on the couch, crammed a pretzel in G$’s mouth and I made them a healthy dinner.

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The new me was going to eat breakfast for a change too, and start bringing a semi-healthy lunch.

My new me routine didn’t go great yesterday, as I had forgotten to bring my banana for breakfast and I skipped lunch completely.

By dinner, I was starving.

I sucked down 8 tacos for dinner.

Eight!!

Damn your delicious taco seasoning, Old El Paso!

I cleaned up the dishes while the wife put the kids to bed.

I was preparing to go for my walk/jog when the wife came back downstairs.

“You’re not still going to go walking are you? It’s really cold outside.”

Hmmmmm. I’ve always appreciated wife’s support and her observations are always dead on accurate.

I walked out to the car to get something for G$ in nothing but my t-shirt and shorts.

It WAS really cold outside!

That’s all I needed to put off my walk until another day.

Not to be shutout though, I went into the basement and dusted off the weights.

It was pretty chilly in the basement too.

I hoisted the barbell once.

It was pretty heavy.

I turned on some music, but it was still pretty chilly.

I turned the music up a little. Nope, still chilly.

I was pretty sure that I could start this weight lifting crap on Wednesday instead of Monday.

Surely, the basement would be warmer by Wednesday.

As I sat on the bench, somewhat exhausted from my one rep bench press, I remembered that there were still Red Hot Riplet chips left in the pantry.

These chips are associated with the ghetto in my part of the world. I’m not sure why though. They aren’t any cheaper than other chips and they’re freakin’ delicious!

They have some delightfully hot, reddish orange powder on them that makes them irresistible.

I get a craving for them from time to time and I happened to see them in the store the other day so I bought a big ass bag. It was my birthday weekend, so I thought I deserved a treat, right?

As I sat, slightly cold on my weight bench, I figured I should eat them all gone so they’re not there to tempt me once I do start my training.

I turned out the lights in the basement, went upstairs (hey, that’s exercise) and ate that bag all gone.

They will surely give me heartburn and at some point tomorrow, I’ll have to crap fireballs out my ass. But, change is never easy and sacrifice makes us stronger.

I was just starting to feel the burn (that’s good, right?) in my colon, when I noticed that there were still several Pinwheel cookies left. Do you know about these?!

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I used to love these when I was a kid and I hadn’t had one in twenty years or so.

I bought them for the boys to try, but I was also curious to see if they’d gone the way of Franken Berry cereal.

Nope.

They are still delicious.

I think they might be smaller than they once were, but they still taste delightful.

I ate three and forced myself to stop!

If I didn’t have kids, I’d have eaten all of them, but I had promised Cdawg he could have one after dinner tonight. Since he fell asleep in the car, that didn’t happen, but he’s not the type who forgets.

He’ll probably mention it to his mother when she wakes him up today.

I couldn’t just leave one for Cdawg either, because once G$ sees it, he’ll flip out if he doesn’t get one.

So, I used amazing restraint and left a couple in the package for the boys.

I sat down to watch a little Family Guy and I could actually feel myself getting fatter.

The gluttony was necessary though, as I can’t have salty snacks and pinwheel cookies throwing me off my game once I start building the better me.

Now that the pantry is on board with the program, I will begin tonight.

I’ll begin tonight assuming it’s not too cold again, in which case tomorrow would be better.

Well, Wednesday is a silly time to start a new workout routine since it’s in the middle of the week. Plus we have parent teacher conferences.

Thursday is the first t-ball practice with Coach Don, and Friday is a stupid day to begin a new program.

Why not just enjoy the weekend and get after it on Monday?

Yes, this all may as well wait until next Monday.

Monday I am going to start on the new me.

Well, I will that is, if all of Ace’s Birthday Cake Oreos and that bag of unopened Doritos are gone by then…

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pinwheel pic courtesy of operatingmanual via Flickr

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21 Responses to A better don? Probably not like this….

  1. Amy says:

    This was hilarious.That sunset was gorgeous, that picture of your son is so cute and yum, is that chili?

    Loved this post 🙂

  2. Maggie O'C says:

    There is no crap better than this. I need to lose 5 lbs before my Weigh Watchers weigh in on Thursday night. You may need to come over and clean out my pantry. Thatswhatshesaid. You know what I mean.

  3. The Pinwheel was necessary to counteract the hotness of the chips! To prevent fiery exits.

  4. Sarah says:

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who knows and uses these weight loss tips.

  5. Amber Perea says:

    Respectfully, of course, I love your posts. I every so often peruse the Freshly Pressed and think to myself, “I could do that if I stopped writing as though I were speaking and attempted to write more like a writer and less like like that dumb friend you call for a laugh.” (and maybe subscribed to a grammar correction site like I did in college).

    Then I remember that the blog was a fun thing and that to be something that I enjoy, I have to be true to myself. And I AM that dumb friend you call for a laugh. 🙂

    I think you are brilliant. Your posts are funny and well thought out and relatable. There are a million people on here attempting to be noticed by being deep and provocative. You stand out in a sea of the same ‘ol, same ‘ol.

    Keep being you…it’s great!

    • Brilliant? How much wine are you drinking while that boy takes his nap??

      Thank you though!!

      I’m far from brilliant and I think I write like I speak. Does it read as though it was written by a jackass? I talk like that.

      I like your posts too, but your subject matter is a little more, serious I guess?

      Be yourself is great advice.

      • Amber Perea says:

        Jackass? Nah, more someone who doesn’t care what anyone else thinks, which is my favorite type of person.

        I’m serious? Some days, I suppose. But that’s me…some days I can’t be serious to save my own life and others I can be downright introspective. Guess my blog reflects that, which makes sense. 🙂

  6. 1tric says:

    I want to drink whatever the blogger who commented “that sunset is gorgeous” is drinking! You have made me feel that my rubbish eating habits are ok! thank you

  7. I love this post because it is honest. I just started trying to exercise again myself (I’m pretty good at it if I can just make it a routine) and right now I’m in the stage of, “this really sucks and it would be a whole lot nicer to stay in my pj’s today” There’s always tomorrow….

  8. Ex bingo Sharon says:

    You are something else ;-). Great article and so true. Love those red hot chips and I do still eat them just not as much. Oh and those. Pinwheel cookies I do remember those mmmmmmm. Just enjoy life and when your ready you will watch what u eat and cut back on the beer. It’s all about moderation. Lol

  9. cookie1986 says:

    I think you and I are on the same diet plan right now. Hey! Did you know that March is buy one Blizzard get the second for .99 cents up here? Brilliant. I love March.

    • That is brilliant! Of course, you’ll be able to spit 10+ pounds out of your body come summer time (that HAS to feel great after the pain subsides, right?) and I’ll still be stuck being a fat ass!

      • cookie1986 says:

        I lost 22 pounds the first week after Destroyer was born. That’s how much extra water I was carrying….one hot summer!
        I’m looking forward to such rapid weight loss again. I figure, another Blizzard won’t hurt in the meantime.

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