For those who’ve been with me from the start of this nonsense last November, so basically, that’s wife, our friends Mo and Sarah and some crazy Canadian woman, Cdawg and I were talking and he was ADAMANT that he hated the name Cdawg.
He’s mentioned that he hates when I call him Cdawg before, but this time he wanted to make sure that I knew just how much he hated it, to the point of nearly being in tears.
Whatever, dude! Fuck, I just made it up; it’s no big deal!
I asked him what he wanted to be called other than his real name and we’ve settled on Cool. That’s really stupid, but that’s what happens when you barter with a four year old.
So, Cdawg is no longer and Cool is now my middle child.
If Roseanne can just change to a different Becky in the middle of the show, then I can change names, right?
I was off last week and spent it with either all or most of the kids around. Insanity.
One or the other of the boys was sick Monday through Wednesday, so that was pretty kick ass.
Cool and G$ had doctor’s appointments three of those days which was also kick ass.
Here’s something I learned the hard way. If you don’t want to feel like a total dick in front of your four year old, then don’t promise him that the two shots he got from one doctor on Monday would be the last shots he’d have to get for a long long time..
Confident with the knowledge that daddy said on Monday that there’d be no more shots for a long long time, Thursday’s appointment with the immunologist started with Cool being high as a kite and, of course, ended three hours later with a woman cramming a needle into his arm to extract blood for testing.
The poor boy had to sit there on momma’s lap for a good 10 minutes with a needle in his arm, that’s how slow the blood flow was! Fuck me.
Speaking of that appointment, we arrived at our 10:30A.M. appointment at 10:15 because we’re punctual like that, only to be told that the doctor’s office was running at least thirty minutes behind.
Why you ask?
The nurse said that “the first two appointments in the morning were an hour late; the patients aren’t from around here.”
What the fuck does not being from around here have to do with knowing how to use a clock and a map?
I’m pretty sure a good policy is telling somebody who’s an hour late for their appointment that they’ve already missed their appointment and will have to make a new one!
These idiots will never learn, if there are no consequences!
Anyway, so if that wasn’t annoying enough, we had to sit through a medical student reading Cool’s screen to us and asking questions and then the real doctor reading Cool’s screen to us again and asking the same questions all over again and then some x-rays downstairs, and then back upstairs and then down again for the blood draw.
Seriously, we were there for nearly four hours! I thought for certain that I was going to have to murder somebody.
Thank God we didn’t have G$ with us. How sweet would that have been?
Ace, Cool and I left the hospital starving, so we headed to the Pasta House, as is our tradition.
I watched as the waitress walked up to two different tables to greet them and at both tables the people were talking on their cell phones.
The waitress stood there for several seconds and waited both times for the assholes to wrap up their conversations and acknowledge her.
When she finally made her way to our table, I asked her what the fuck the deal was with her waiting for people to end their phone calls while she stood there instead of coming over and taking care of us first instead (this is a waitress I know, we’re pals…I wasn’t being a dick to a stranger). She rolled her eyes and said it happens all the time.
Hey people, get off your phones until you’ve ordered or ask the waitress quickly if she can come back in a little bit. I hate you people.
I sometimes feel like Al Bundy from the old Married with Children show.
Remember Al? He always had a story that began with “A fat woman walked into the shoe store today…”
Who doesn’t love fat women stories?
So a fat woman was at the register at Walgreens the other day when I walked into the store. The cashier had an obvious pained or exasperated look on her face and I wondered if tubby was giving her a hard time about the correct price of Cadbury Eggs or marshmallow Peeps or something.
I went and fetched my stuff and was delighted to see Fatilda still working the cashier over.
I don’t know why, but I just find fat people delightful and this woman was wonderful for about ninety seconds.
She was wearing a purple sweat suit that really brought out the bubble in her ass.
The holdup was apparently due to this woman having to conduct fifteen separate transactions in order to utilize all the coupons and what not that she had.
Thankfully, by the time I was at the register, she was on her last transaction. The cashier looked like she was about four seconds away from taking off her vest and just walking out the door.
Grimace was trying to purchase all of the remaining Slim Jims and Sweet Tart packs in the store.
This poor cashier had to leave her register, walk down a couple of aisles really quickly, commiserate with a manager for a second, and then assure this mastodon that she was indeed wiping the store clean of its Slim Jim and Sweet Tart supply.
“We have no more, ma’am.”
Fatty smiled at me as I stood there like an idiot waiting in line with my twelve pack of beer and Children’s Advil for which I’d be paying full price.
I kid you not when I say that she had no less than twenty of those three foot long Slim Jims and countless packs of Sweet Tarts on the counter.
Her bill was $.22! What!?? That’s twenty-two cents people! Wow!
I don’t know who needs that much of either of those products at one time, but I have to admit I was impressed with her couponing prowess.
Had she been a skinny person, I’d probably have wanted to choke her, but her jolly fat person aura was pleasing to me.
I’m really enjoying all this “writing” that I’ve been doing. As if blogging about stupid shit like fat ladies in Walgreen’s doesn’t take up enough of what little free time I have, I’ve gone ahead and found a new distraction.
I did more in two hours last night as far as discovering my family history than my dad could share with me in my forty years of living.
How do you not know your grandma’s name, dad??? Jesus Christ…grrr!
Anyway, it’s pretty cool. Just last night, I traced my dad’s side back to his great grandparents. I could only find their names, but hey, it was only a couple of hours.
I learned what cities in Italy my great grandparents were born, when they left Italy, the name of the boats they left on and when they arrived here in the US of A. Pretty neat.
Let’s see, what else?
This global warming is starting to piss me off too.
It’s March 26 and we just got twelve inches of snow dumped on us in some parts around here this past weekend.
The kids had a snow day yesterday. There goes another vacation day down the shitter for momma! We’re hoping to be able to spend at least one of our combined vacation days with each other this year, instead of just with these little bastards alone.
We’ve literally spent the past eight weekends in the house while different members of the household have been sick.
We have cabin fever and we’re all about to kill each other.
Please weather, warm up so we can send the kids outside and air out this house.
Honestly, do you feel angry at me that you spent three minutes of your life reading this knowing
you’ll never get those minutes back?? I just reread it and hate myself a little.
Enjoy the rest of your Tuesday!