Damn you, women!
I was perfectly content to sit my fat ass on the couch and pound beers after the hockey game (Blues win, by the way), but you had to drag me into your thing.
Some wonderful blogger moms are showing off how regular moms look by asking, “Who are you wearing?” to moms instead of fancy ass actresses on red carpets. I think it’s a great idea.
My own wife could wear a fluorescent brown moo-moo and hiking boots and I’d think it was hot. Hey, moms are hot shit, especially while they’re playing with their kids. A little spittle or vomit or shit or milk or tears or wine or whatever is staining mom’s favorite Frankie Say Relax t-shirt isn’t going to do anything but make her more beautiful to a man who’s in love with her, so take that women! Quit being so hard on yourselves!
Anyway, moms ain’t the only ones who don’t always feel real purty. Dads get puked on too, ya know?!
With that in mind and 8 Bud Light Limes in my belly now, I’m horning in on their good time and great concept.
I’m a beautiful dad.
“What are you wearing, beautiful dadly Don?”
“Oh hello there, Joan Rivers, you old hag. Thanks for asking.”
It’s a Tuesday night and I went for a jog. I smell like ass and feet and ass, but I’m still pretty and loved.
Rephresh? Has anyone heard of this? It’s a commercial that was just on and distracting me because they just said after douching I think. Can you say that??
Lol, where was I?
Ah, yes, I am loved.
Not to gloat online, but I got some tongue love just tonight.
That’s Carly smooching me while the wife was upstairs. My “Big Balls” sweatshirt is from an adult kickball/excuse to drink on a Sunday league and one of my many standard issue hoodies that I enjoy wearing during these nasty winter months. See the white spot on the bottom right? That’s sour cream. Cool gave me a nice “hug” which was really just a way for him to wipe his chin on something other than the napkin he had available to him at dinner. Jojo, my 12 year old piece of crap lab, doesn’t get up for many things. Pork, beef, cheese and apparently, when the younger Carly is horning in on her man.
There was almost an ugly cat fight between the two lady dogs, but there’s plenty of daddy love to go around, bitches (they are technically bitches, lighten up).
I was totally making out with the pretty girls instead of cleaning the kitchen, so the wife is gonna be less than thrilled when she sees the kitchen tomorrow morning. It’s ok though, dear. This who am I wearing is for a good cause, right? Is it?
Every chance I get, I wear blue. Even a dad wants to look his best for his loved ones, and blue clothes bring out the blue in my eyeballs. It’s like eight degrees outside and we don’t have money to blow on heat, so this $6 dollar ear warmer is perfect. I’ve had this blue sleeved t-shirt for 4 years now. It’s a Walmart shirt and one of my favorites.
You may notice that I wear glasses now. These set me back $23! I know, right? High rolla!!!
There’s my Adidas Shorts! I love my soccer shorts. They are what I wear 88% of my life when I’m not forced to wear pantaloons at work because “the man” is a dick. Oh, and of course the Bud Light Lime. Bottles of Bud Light Lime are to me what I guess jewelry is to other moms, er parents.
I’m Adidas casual from my head to my toes tonight. These disgusting flip flops are a staple in my life. If I’m not at work or jogging or mowing the lawn, then I’m wearing these babies. Love ’em. Ha ha, yes, I totally used an old picture from when I hadn’t trimmed my nails in weeks! You’re welcome.
As a dad, it’s not so important that I look good or even presentable in public, as long as I’m teaching the kids to be beautiful human beings. Their class more than makes up for my lack thereof. As you can see, they all dress so well that nobody would even notice me if I did wear fancy pants clothing.
Ace wears whatever she feels like. She’s never been a girlie girl, whatever that is. She is what she is and we love her for it.
G$ is G$. Let’s move on…
Cool is all about the superhero clothes. Fuck…always with the superhero stuff! Hey, he’s cute, so it works.
Anyway, this crap is pretty much standard operating procedure with respect to “What are you wearing?” at the DOAT house. There’s no Gucci or Armani or whatever is even cool anymore, but we be happy, and that’s all that matters. This was my late night, semi-intoxicated attempt to hang out with the cool girls again. Link up and play along right here….