Dads are pretty too…

Damn you, women!

I was perfectly content to sit my fat ass on the couch and pound beers after the hockey game (Blues win, by the way), but you had to drag me into your thing.

Some wonderful blogger moms are showing off how regular moms look by asking, “Who are you wearing?” to moms instead of fancy ass actresses on red carpets. I think it’s a great idea.

My own wife could wear a fluorescent brown moo-moo and hiking boots and I’d think it was hot. Hey, moms are hot shit, especially while they’re playing with their kids. A little spittle or vomit or shit or milk or tears or wine or whatever is staining mom’s favorite Frankie Say Relax t-shirt isn’t going to do anything but make her more beautiful to a man who’s in love with her, so take that women! Quit being so hard on yourselves!

Anyway, moms ain’t the only ones who don’t always feel real purty. Dads get puked on too, ya know?!

With that in mind and 8 Bud Light Limes in my belly now, I’m horning in on their good time and great concept.

I’m a beautiful dad.

“What are you wearing, beautiful dadly Don?”

“Oh hello there, Joan Rivers, you old hag. Thanks for asking.”

It’s a Tuesday night and I went for a jog. I smell like ass and feet and ass, but I’m still pretty and loved.

Rephresh? Has anyone heard of this? It’s a commercial that was just on and distracting me because they just said after douching I think. Can you say that??

Lol, where was I?

Ah, yes, I am loved.

Not to gloat online, but I got some tongue love just tonight.

I think I taste anus.

I think I taste anus.

That’s Carly smooching me while the wife was upstairs. My “Big Balls” sweatshirt is from an adult kickball/excuse to drink on a Sunday league and one of my many standard issue hoodies that I enjoy wearing during these nasty winter months. See the white spot on the bottom right? That’s sour cream. Cool gave me a nice “hug” which was really just a way for him to wipe his chin on something other than the napkin he had available to him at dinner. Jojo, my 12 year old piece of crap lab, doesn’t get up for many things. Pork, beef, cheese and apparently, when the younger Carly is horning in on her man.

Ugh, this is only like five beers in, I swear.

Ugh, this is only like five beers in, I swear.

There was almost an ugly cat fight between the two lady dogs, but there’s plenty of daddy love to go around, bitches (they are technically bitches, lighten up).

Threeway!

Threeway!

I was totally making out with the pretty girls instead of cleaning the kitchen, so the wife is gonna be less than thrilled when she sees the kitchen tomorrow morning. It’s ok though, dear. This who am I wearing is for a good cause, right? Is it?

Every chance I get, I wear blue. Even a dad wants to look his best for his loved ones, and blue clothes bring out the blue in my eyeballs. It’s like eight degrees outside and we don’t have money to blow on heat, so this $6 dollar ear warmer is perfect. I’ve had this blue sleeved t-shirt for 4 years now. It’s a Walmart shirt and one of my favorites.

It's cold as fuck in the house.

It’s cold as fuck in the house.

You may notice that I wear glasses now. These set me back $23! I know, right? High rolla!!!

Not on the toilet, I swear.

Not on the toilet, I swear.

There’s my Adidas Shorts! I love my soccer shorts. They are what I wear 88% of my life when I’m not forced to wear pantaloons at work because “the man” is a dick. Oh, and of course the Bud Light Lime. Bottles of Bud Light Lime are to me what I guess jewelry is to other moms, er parents.

They smell even worse than they look.

They smell even worse than they look.

I’m Adidas casual from my head to my toes tonight. These disgusting flip flops are a staple in my life. If I’m not at work or jogging or mowing the lawn, then I’m wearing these babies. Love ’em. Ha ha, yes, I totally used an old picture from when I hadn’t trimmed my nails in weeks! You’re welcome.

As a dad, it’s not so important that I look good or even presentable in public, as long as I’m teaching the kids to be beautiful human beings. Their class more than makes up for my lack thereof. As you can see, they all dress so well that nobody would even notice me if I did wear fancy pants clothing.

Ace wears whatever she feels like. She’s never been a girlie girl, whatever that is. She is what she is and we love her for it.

Wears whatever she wants.

Wears whatever she wants.

G$ is G$. Let’s move on…

White trash baby...

White trash baby…

Cool is all about the superhero clothes. Fuck…always with the superhero stuff! Hey, he’s cute, so it works.

Superhero is the new Polo

Superhero is the new Polo

Anyway, this crap is pretty much standard operating procedure with respect to “What are you wearing?” at the DOAT house. There’s no Gucci or Armani or whatever is even cool anymore, but we be happy, and that’s all that matters. This was my late night, semi-intoxicated attempt to hang out with the cool girls again. Link up and play along right here….

Join!

Join!

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Humor, Parenting, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

103 Responses to Dads are pretty too…

  1. bethteliho says:

    You really need to trim the nails on your smelly feet. BUT I LOVED THIS! *grinning* You ARE a hot dad! I love your sense of humor. MWA! You will always be one of the cool gals. 🙂
    And I totally want to try bud light lime now. Like right this second.

  2. Mike Vogler says:

    Beth sent me over here. Again! Finally I Subscribed. Because I’ve been sitting here laughing my ass off for the past 10 minutes at this post. You rock dude and chest pump again! Yes, we did that in one of your earlier posts but you may have forgot because we both had been drinking Bud Light. Don’t worry, you liked it, Great post, Don 🙂

  3. So funny! and I love your “high rolla” glasses!

  4. lrconsiderer says:

    Bwahahahaha you look like such a diva in the pic with the Bud 😀 Awesomely done.

  5. Nadia says:

    Looking radiant as always, Don.

  6. tric says:

    Any time I weaken and think I might post a photo with me in it I will think of this post! Good one Don, it’s obvious fashion is a real priority in your house. I’d say your wife looks at these, then at you, then her wedding ring and cries “What have I done'”.

    • One day, Tric, we’ll see that Irish mug of yours and rejoice in the small miracles of life! The Wife mostly shakes her head at this point, but I think she holds out hope that her husband will mature eventually.

  7. NotAPunkRocker says:

    I like the pop of color in the blue picture, using chartreuse as an accent. Very good way to add interest to a casual look 😉

  8. You are definitely a rock star Don! LOL

  9. 1jaded1 says:

    Thanks for sharing this…laughing to hard. Right now I’m wearing, “who gives a shit?”, and I’m not even a mom. The pictures and captions are just as funny. BTW the wings are going downhill in a hurry. 5-0 loss against the Flyers…you’re so pretty…very, very pretty, ha!

  10. Sarah says:

    Yes, you’re right, we can’t forget the dads. Cuz you would ROCK the red carpet! Thanks for linking up with us!

  11. The Cutter says:

    On the weekends, I pretty much stick to wind pants, but I have dressier wind pants for those occasions when I have to look more presentable.

    And don’t feel bad. I’ve been told that my toenails don’t look nice too.

  12. Sarah Almond says:

    That.Is.AWESOME! Thank you for playing Don! And may I suggest a mani pedi?

  13. you guys are totally styling!! and look you, you bad ass with those bitches who can’t keep their paws of you.

  14. The Hook says:

    Don’t knock the superhero stuff, big man! It really does rock!
    And no, he won’t grow out of it – not if he’s anything like his Uncle Hook, that is…

  15. Awesomeness. Good daddies are so hot. Thanks for playing #WhoAreYouWearingMom with us!

  16. I laughed throughout, but I especially enjoyed the part where Cool hugs you to wipe his face. I love being my son’s napkin, too.

  17. Cheryl says:

    G$ obviously takes after his dad. LOL! Love it!

  18. If it’s warm enough for you to go sockless, you’ve got the heat cranked too high. What? You think you’re made of money?

  19. Katia says:

    OK, emailing this to my husband. The conversation with Joan Rivers had me in tears. Of joy and laughter. Doing this with us? very purty of you. I so appreciate it, although I could have probably lived without seeing your toes. I’m a feet-o-phobe. Oh, and the cat fight? Priceless.

  20. findingninee says:

    You’re pretty. Love the photos and the bud light lime accessories and anus dog mouth kisses. And that your kids are so adorable. Really excellent way to play along Don! You rock!
    Oh. Your toenails are beyond disgusting. How can you even walk?

  21. Dana says:

    You’re such a pleaser, Don. I love that you caved to female peer pressure and did this. But the feet? A warning would have been nice – I spit some coffee on the keyboard.

    • Hahaha, yeah, they are totally gross, right? I’ve since trimmed them up. I always cave to female pressure. It makes no sense whatsoever and makes me a terrible or maybe great dad to my daughter.

  22. Aussa Lorens says:

    Your daughter is an inspiration. From this day forward, I am swearing off socks and sticking with gloves on my feet.

  23. Oh my! I feel a bit like a voyeur standing outside your window (freezing to death) looking in on the DOAT family! Much better than watching Joan Rivers rip people apart. Although I will agree that you are a pretty Dad, a pedicure is a must! 🙂

  24. MissFourEyes says:

    Loving the glasses! And I like G$’s style. Sort of ‘this is who I am, all of me’, it’s artistic.

  25. Blogdramedy says:

    You are on the cutting edge of fashion, sir. So far out there only the really cool people can see how hard it is to pull of this kind of look. Like me. *grin*

  26. Carrie Rubin says:

    Okay, after seeing those Shaq length toenails in those grungy flip-flops, you no longer get to criticize my ugly man shoes. I think we’re Even-Steven at this point…

  27. Love it! and ditto about the nails – get a pedicure dude!

  28. rynolexson says:

    Your selfies made this post. I can just picture you drunkenly walking around the house snapping selfies. lol I don’t know what what i just read, but i laughed so take it and feel good about yourself.

  29. OMG the nails! But I do love the sweatshirt…and can’t get enough pics of those adorable pup’s and dog’s. Next time – more of them…less of the feet.

  30. Stephanie Sprenger says:

    Oh, and in addition to expressing my enjoyment of the “do I smell anus?” remark, I also wanted to thank you personally for sharing a close-up photograph of your foot. Thanks for joining us, you classy bastard!

    • Oh my God, a nickel for every time I was called a classy bastard! So rich. Thank you for having me Steph. I enjoy you ladies. You’re always so kind to me, even if it is out of pity, I’ll take it!

  31. Rachel says:

    You are definitely beautiful enough to be called one of us, puke and all! Just be glad that I didn’t post a photo of my feet. That’s a warning!

  32. mistyslaws says:

    Well, since most the time, you can find dogs licking their OWN anus, after that smooch-fest, you probably smelled like feet/ass/feet/DOG ASS. You are rocking fashion. My hubs wears shorts all through the year as well. It’s cold as shit, but he’s still walking around in shorts. But don’t worry . . . he’s not insane. He’s wearing his “winter shorts.” They may be about a half inch longer than the regular kind. You know, for warmth.

  33. T. Dawn says:

    Shit-balls you are freakin’ funny! OMG there are too many things I love about this post to list. Thanks for jumping in this sea of estrogen. You seem to fit well here despite your toenails that I’m sure your wife is ashamed of. O and white trash baby should win an Oscar for that get-up…clothes are so overrated. Good stuff!!!!

  34. Have I told you lately I love when you drink and blog? You’re one of the prettiest dad’s I’ve ever laid eyes on but for the love of Christ, keep your toe nails trimmed! Wife will love you even more when you’re playing footsie with her if you don’t slice her foot off in the process. Just sayin’!

  35. mollytopia says:

    Hahaha – I LOVE this! Your family makes you the best-dressed and coolest guy around. Thanks to this snow I’m still in the sweatpants I had on yesterday. They’re Abercrobmie & Fitch – that’s how old they are – I’ve literally had them for more than a decade. Terrifying. I should probably get rid of these huh?

  36. I LOVE that you linked up to this. The toe picture though??? 😉

  37. LOL This morning a guy pal of mine sent me a post about the benefits of wearing a bathrobe vs yoga pants. It was pretty damn funny. When I shared it online, a friend dared me to do the bathrobe thing in public. I have to draw the line. Pajama pants to drive the kids to school yes, bathrobe, no can do. I think I might be rubbing off on the kids. I picked my oldest son up at his private high school and he was wearing pajama pants with his jacket and tie. No, that would not be dress code. Very classy.

  38. Ilene Evans says:

    This was priceless. I love the Walmart shirt. I think it takes a lot more creativity to go all haute couture with Walmart clothes than with designer brands. And I love the ear warmers. I could use a pair myself given the south is under a freeze.

  39. Jen says:

    Totally cracking up. Even after diapers Isaiah wore his underwear outside as attire. Probably until he was 7. He still doesn’t really get that it’s not appropriate. I mean if that guy can be naked outside (not wearing a shirt) and that girl can wear her underwear outside (bikini) then why can’t I wear my underwear outside? He’s kind of got me. But other kids… well, they’re not so excepting at 8.
    And those pictures with your dogs? ewwwwwww
    And your toes are pretty awesome, if you saw my husband’s you’d run screaming. Trust me.
    Bravo for joining us in this adventure. Who cares what you are? It’s what you’re wearing right? Now I gotta go get me some of that Bud Lime. What’s the deal. Drunk at night no headache in the morning? is it a miracle drug or something?
    Did I just write a whole blog post here?
    You’re Welcome.

    • He’s totally right! Underpants on the outside seems like a no brainer. they can’t be seen otherwise, so why wear them or buy pretty ones? You husband has worse nails than that?? Yikes!! The Bud Light LIme normally doesn’t give me a headache at all. It’s awful because I drink too much then. Like now. I’m totally drinking another one right now!! But you should totally try it! Lol. I love me a long comment, Jen so anytime!

  40. I don’t even know where to start. The toenails? The post-run eau de ass? The BUD LIGHT LIME??? Dude, I give you a ton of credit for linking up with us. Totally awesome. Gold star. 10 points. Big hug. 🙂

    • Yeah, my first blogging gold star! Thank you, Deb! I had a great time with you ladies. I always do. Well, whenever you’re not all talking about your mensies and stuff, that is, right?

  41. PinotNinja says:

    You play adult boozey kickball, too? I knew there was a reason that I liked you! Down in these parts, we refer to it as sloshball, because you get sloshed and there is a ball. Super creative, I know.

    • It totally kicks ass, doesn’t it?? So drunk! The pitcher is all, “You want a bouncy or a rollie?” and I’m all, “I don’t give a fuck pitcher because I’m drunk and happy!!” Lol. That’s much better than kickball as I remembered it on the playground in 5th grade, though I was pretty good then. Sloshball…yup. That sounds about right.

  42. Julie says:

    The toenails, Don. I need to try this Bud Light Lime…

  43. godansker says:

    Ok, I thought I couldn’t possibly top those toe nails…you were way out of my league…then I saw white trash baby and I knew we could hang out.

  44. welp. That’s some funny shizz right there! And cut your damn toenails already!!! OMG!!!

  45. rebecca2000 says:

    Your toenails freak me out. Clip that shit big spender.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s