Hot pics and a potential Q & A with officer don…

It’s been hot as fuck around these parts lately.

Gman’s been hot.

Hot on the ground.

Hot on the ground.

Cool’s been hot.

Hot in the car.

Hot in the car.

And yours truly has been hot.

Hot at work.

Hot at work.

I hadn’t even left the parking lot at work when I started sweating like the proverbial whore on nickel night. That’s how you know it’s going to be a fabulous fucking shift.

Can you imagine nickel night for a whore? Good Lord, do you think that would include EVERYthing? I’d think sweating would be the least of their concerns, but I’ll digress.

What was I going to say anyway?

I don’t have any pictures of the girls being hot, because they don’t sweat. It’s not because they’re dainty flowers and their shit smells like roses and all that, it’s mostly because they’re not dumbasses and they stay in the air conditioning when it’s 100 degrees outside.

I was going to do a post that was basically a play by play of my Friday night shift at work, but it got too busy to keep up with so I lost interest in it. I had the idea because I’ve gotten a few messages from people saying they like the police related stories. I sometimes forget that what’s ordinary to me at work is actually still asinine and entertaining to “normal” people.

I did have a chuckle when I saw a good sized black dude running down this alley towards my police car. I wasn’t sure if he was being robbed or shot at or what until he bolted to the other side of my car in a frenzy and I saw this big boy following him. I wouldn’t say he was running after the guy so much as he was following him out of curiosity at a leisurely big dog pace. The whole thing ended when the dog became distracted by whatever was in this bag and lost interest in whatever the dude was doing. Thankfully, the dog’s owner came shortly after and took big fella inside before there were any more unfortunate dog/human incidents.

Big boy.

Big boy.

I still may try to do that play by play of my shift thing one day, but until then, I thought it might be fun to have you inquisitive Nellies ask me questions about the job that you’re curious about.

Do I have a ticket quota?

Have I ever shot somebody?

Have I ever pushed a fat, white trash woman down four flights of stairs while she inhaled a bucket of fried chicken the whole way down?

Ask away! Do so in the comments or on that Twitter. I’ll try to remember to check it from time to time. I thinks it’s @The_DOAT.

I’m off to a country concert tonight. Free tickets, so YEEEFUCKIN’HAW!!!

Toby Keith. He seems like he’d put on a good show, but who knows? Who cares, honestly? Drink enough beer and everything is entertaining, right?

What’s a DOAT post without the gratuitous beer drinking selfie, so here ya go.

Yeah, drinking again...

Yeah, drinking again…

Ask those questions, people. As you can probably tell, I really have a hard time thinking of stuff to write about nowadays.

Have a great weekend!

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52 Responses to Hot pics and a potential Q & A with officer don…

  1. bethteliho says:

    Hope you have a great night at the concert! I have two questions.
    1. What’s the strangest/worst DOA you’ve ever encountered?
    2. What’s the most outlandish thing someone has trid to get out of a ticket?

  2. Not a fave at all, but Toby is a fantastic entertainer. I think you’re gonna enjoy it.

  3. You sweat like I do. Do not move to The Deep South, Don.

  4. Paul says:

    Hey Don! That shirt you’re wearing in the beer selfie – isn’t that part of your “work-out” wardrobe? I think I recognize it from your last work-out selfie. If that is the case, you should re-label the beer selfie to “the 1 pound liquid wrist building selfie” It sounds better and as long as you keep switching hands as you drink, it is accurate (or you could have a beer in each hand and alternate which you drink from – same thing) . Imagine, working out as you have a beer – the best of both worlds! Ha!

    I love the randomness of the real cop stories. Stuff that no one could ever make up. What was the funniest encounter you ever had as a cop?.

    • Thanks buddy! You’re thinking of my sleeveless gray shirt. I don’t lift in this one, only run in it sometimes. It’s in great shape though I’ve had it for 13 years. I bought it for a fundraiser to assist the family of the first cop killed while I was a police officer. There have been several since, but his is the one I’ll always remember the most.

  5. Kristi Campbell - findingninee says:

    I’m kinda sad that you didn’t mention sweaty balls but will get over it. And yeah, drink enough beer and all concerts are fun and entertaining – I hope you have a blast! Plus, free? Yup. Free is fun. I love your cop stories and think it’d be a cool post to compile all of the stupid shit people have said to you trying to get out of being arrested or whatever. Or like a post of all their excuses – like “I broke into this house because the dude stole my cat and I wanted to get back at him by stealing his TV” or whatever.
    I think any stories about what you deal with as an officer are fascinating to us boring types with jobs that don’t require carrying guns or handcuffs. Also stories about you letting people go from tickets because they’re freaking awesome. Have fun tonight, you!!

    • Aren’t the sweaty balls implied? Lol. Thanks, toots. Have a great weekend.

      • Kristi Campbell - findingninee says:

        I used to get out of almost all my tickets by the way. Nowadays I don’t get them. Oh except that stupid camera one that I got at night after getting lost from picking my mom up at the airport at midnight. The camera obviously missed my tits, as it was focused on the damn license plate. Here’s to live ossifers and not the cameras.

  6. markbialczak says:

    Have you ever had a ridiculous handcuff incident, Don? On the job, on the job?

  7. Julie says:

    Hmmmm…what to ask an officer…

    1. Do you let crying, teenage girls out of tickets? Got out of one like that once. Wondered if it’s standard protocol.

    Wait! I had about 8 questions and stopped. I’ll make a blog post out of it. I’ll email you. 🙂

  8. Kim says:

    Bwahaha. Laughing my ass off at Kristi’s disappointment about the lack of sweaty ball commentary. I’m right there with her!

    And umm…shit. I can’t think of any good questions.

  9. wow. you really do look all sorts of hot and sweaty…. and cranky – even with a beer. apparently you need some ice cream to cool you off.

  10. Mike Vogler says:

    Lordy I had to swing down a Bud Light to cool me off just from reading this post! I will share my stories too someday…but because of our policy…can’t until I retire 🙂 Have a great time at the concert! Stay safe always Don 🙂

    • Yeah, I’m more of a rabble rouser and like to push the envelope a little bit, but I understand your position about not talking about it right now. I won’t share too much, if it’ll embarrass anyone or get me into trouble, I promise! You too, my man! Thanks as always.

  11. hollie says:

    It is hot as balls here, too. I needed a cold beer or three after sitting at the pool with my son. I’m having boulevard instead of bud light lime though. My question is: how many times a day do you have to stop yourself from saying, “you can’t really be that fucking stupid!”?

  12. REDdog says:

    Don, I have some questions for you but I’d rather know the answer to your third one above.

    Enjoy the concert and the beer,man. I’ll have one for you in theBar later.

    Cheers Red

  13. Nadia says:

    I feel you. Last summer I permanently looked like I’d just nailed Javier Bardem.

    I’d love the answer to Hollie’s question.

    • You really love this Javier dude I’ve never heard of before, don’t you! I’m going to Google him one of these days so I can follow your awesome comments better. Lol.

  14. Don, I don’t have any burning questions right now. But I do love your stories from your beat. Like you, I thought of my job as a cops and court reporter to be just everyday stuff. You’re right. Some folks think what you do – and I did – is a wild ride down a dark and dangerous alleyway.

    It’s probably a tad warmer in Florida where I live than where you are. Unlike the ladies you know, I left the a.c. midday to take our grandpuppy for a walk. Within 20 minutes, I was glowing – not sweating, mind you as woman don’t do that – and ready for a shower. Hope you had a great time at the concert.

  15. jgroeber says:

    Where do you live that makes those poor kids sweat like they do?! On the equator? Because that’s not right. Those boys need some Gatorade. Have you considered moving to Canada? It’s cooler and the crime seems pretty non-existent. Although maybe that’s bad for job security?
    1. Best story about someone who got out of speeding ticket..
    2. Naked people. (That’s not a question, more of a general topic. Because cops plus naked people would have to make a good story…)

    • Lol, it’s like my own personal hell, so the temperature just matches that whole theme, I guess. I don’t know that I’d make a very good Canadian. I mean, I do like hockey and beer and syrup, but not THAT much. I’ll kick around the naked people inquiry for sure.

  16. rynolexson says:

    I’m making a list of questions for you- i have many. For starters, why do cops always have to be so rude when they first pull you over? How do you get out of a speeding ticket? What happens if you are pulled over for a DUI? Is it illegal to pee outside even if you have to pee really bad and cant hold it? I have more to come…

    • You would have many. I don’t know if you get to play, because you are a hater. A cop hater, a don hater, a hater hater! Lol. If you pee your pants, you don’t get to argue that you’ve not been drinking, and yes, it’s always illegal and gross. I look forward to your more questions…whatever that shitty grammar I just used means.

  17. cookie1986 says:

    How many times a shift do you touch your gun? Your REAL gun. Not the sexy one.

  18. flyingplatypi says:

    Wait… So… Have you ever pushed a fat, white woman down a flight of steps whilst she inhaled a bucket of fried chicken the whole way down?!? Please. Say. Yes.



  19. Pingback: A yeehawin’ good time and some pink sandals… | don of all trades

  20. djmatticus says:

    What is your name? What is your quest? What is your favorite color? (I can’t believe nobody beat me to those.)
    What is the answer to life, the universe, everything?
    Who framed Roger Rabbit?
    Get it? Got it? (Good.)
    Oh… you wanted cop questions? Dang… okay, how about:
    If police are there for our safety, then why do they hide on the side of the road to “catch” us speeding? And, along those lines, do you have any input on the “law enforcement” verse “peace officer” debate?
    Have you ever pulled someone over and had them be completely belligerent about getting a ticket? What did they do? (I may not like getting pulled over, but I’m always very polite…)
    A couple times I was pulled over in the middle of nowhere in Arizona driving between bigger cities and the officer asked me if I had any weapons in the car… Have you ever asked someone that? What was the strangest answer you received?

  21. mollytopia says:

    Do you wash your police uniform or is it dry clean only?
    How many times have you used hand cuffs this week? At WORK.
    Do you ever turn on the fancy lights and siren when you don’t feel like waiting through a red light?

    • Jinx! I just finished listening to you on the podcast. I had to hear your voice! Lol. It’s totally exactly what I thought it’d be and at the same time totally not, so there’s that. Thanks for the questions, ma’am. I shall address them with alacrity!

      • mollytopia says:

        Hahahaha! JINX!!!! How can my voice sound like you thought it would and not like you thought it would at the same time??? That makes no sense! Which is probably perfect : )

      • You’re assertive and confident sounding like I figured, but not as southernly twangy as I’d thought or maybe hoped. Lol.

      • mollytopia says:

        I had to clean up the southern drawl when I moved to Los Angeles bc no one could understand me! It comes out sometimes when I get wound up about something. Then I git all Horry County with it : )

      • Horry County…hahahaha, you go girl! You are the female most interesting man in the world, as far as I’m concnerned, Molly.

  22. I don’t really have a question, Don. I just wanted to say that I loved your work on CHiPs. You and your partner, John, were my favorite motorcycle cops.

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