Where did all the Fred Flintstones go?

Between the terrible weather and G$’s mysterious bout with whatever virus has been causing him to puke his brains out for the past two days, there hasn’t been much motivation for any of us to leave the house.

Saturday morning, we hit that farm I mentioned in my last post, but that was cut way short by the aforementioned puking.

Puking always puts a damper on the weekend or any potential good time, really.

Are you reading this garbage while trying to eat your morning bagel or bowl of cereal?

I can say puke a few more times or even discuss the never ending flow of snot between the two boys, if that suits your breakfast tastes better.

Sorry, I’ll stop.  Where was I going anyway?

Oh, I remember what I was going to complain about now.

For the most part, G$ has wanted no part of anybody but his poor mother for the past 48 hours.

Based on the number of times I’ve heard her suddenly shout, “Oh God, not again or Fuuuuuck, or Noooo, G$, wait, here’s the bucket,” from upstairs, my guess is that she’s been puked on no less than 15 times since Saturday morning.

While she was earning parent of the month honors with number 3, numbers 1, 2 and I were fending for ourselves downstairs.

We watched a lot of television.

A lot of kids’ programs, to be precise.

Have you watched kids’ programming lately?

It’s just awful.

Every now and then the kids will turn on some quality stuff like Tom and Jerry or Looney Tunes, but, for the most part, it’s newer Nickelodeon crap that we have to endure.

Here’s what I got to watch this weekend.

There is a show about part human/part fish creatures that associate with other under sea looking creatures called Bubble Guppies.

The main character kids are human from the waist up and fish below the waist.

They’re mermaids, I guess.

The only adult who is ever around to tend to these little cretins is all fish.  He has no human features except for teeth!

Even the little dog has a dog head to go with his fishy lower body.

images (12)

Where the fuck is Mr. Grouper’s human torso and head??!

Why or how in the world would the adult be ALL fish??  

I didn’t watch enough to learn whether or not all the adult characters were drawn the same way, but I didn’t notice any half human half fish adults in the little bit of the show that I did see. 

What I do know, is that Mr. Grouper (that’s the all fish dude’s name in the picture above) isn’t the father of any of the little human/fish creatures he’s always around.

I don’t know what his relationship is to these child mermaids, but feel free to comment below and enlighten me, if you do!

There’s also a cartoon about a little girl rabbit named Ruby and her pain in the ass little brother, Max.

Max doesn’t listen to his sister very well, and unfortunately, she’s the only one who’s ever tried to discipline him.

I found his behavior infuriating at times.

These rabbits have visited their grandmother a time or two, but like the strange fish creatures in Bubble Guppies, there’s never a mommy or daddy rabbit around to put a foot in Max’s ass.

Where are your parents, Max and Ruby?

Max, is this where you buried the bodies?

Max, is this where you buried the bodies?

There were several other shows where the strange little characters also had no parents around.

Maisy the Mouse was always having her friends over to the house with nary an adult to be found.

Hey, we're here to get all tore up!!

Hey, we’re here to get all tore up!!

What sort of mouse hangs around with chicks and alligators anyway?

The one friend is an elephant for God’s sake!  When I was a boy, elephants were afraid of mice.  It was common knowledge and it was classic cartoon humor!

Whoooo!  Spring Break at Maisy's!

Whoooo! Spring Break at Maisy’s!

I don’t even know what the below characters are supposed to be.

They’re from a show that makes CDawg laugh out loud though (I worry that he’s getting a contact high at the sitter’s or something because there’s no other way this stuff is funny).

The main character in this ridiculous cartoon is named Pocoyo.

Pocoyo, same as Maisy in the above show, doesn’t speak. Both shows are narrated by some douchebag while the characters go about their unsupervised business.

What are we, Japanese?

What are we, Japanese?

There are many other kids’ shows today where the same crap is going on, namely characters with no parents, or at the very least, negligent parents, are running around in gangs instead of being in school.

It’s not only the kids’ cartoons either.

Ace likes to watch a show called Icarly.

I’ve not seen enough of this show to know the whole story, but from what I can glean, it’s a bunch of teens with either no parents, or really shitty parents, doing whatever the hell they want.

There’s lots of kissing and teenage flesh being shown.  It’s just what I want my 9 year old daughter taking in.  Thankfully, she still thinks that’s “gross”.

Freddy has a mom who’s very protective, and the little blonde girl, Sam, has a mother who I think is in prison or is in and out of prison.

I’m not sure, but every now and then Sam will make a sarcastic remark about her less than stellar mother.  There’s nothing like bashing your parents with no repercussions.  That never happened on the Cosby show!  The bad remarks always made their way back to Mr. or Mrs. Huxtable to be dealt with!  Awe yeah!

I don’t know that any of the Icarly kids has a dad though.

The star of the show, Icarly, has a retarded older brother who takes care of her.

I asked Ace what the deal was with her parents once and said that she thought Icarly’s parents were either dead or they may be out of town on vacation.

Really?  Dead or on vacation without their kids?  That’s good stuff right there.

It’s possible that I’m just missing something with these shows and it’s really not a big deal other than to only me right at this very second, but do you know who did have a parent around during her cartoon appearances, even a father!??

Pebbles Flintstone did.

Look how cute and happy she was in her daddy’s arms.

Boo, an intact family!

Boo, an intact family!

Was Fred Flintstone perfect?

No, he could be quite a fuckstick, honestly.

He had some anger issues, even with the neighbors.

fred_and_barney-5300

He struggled with demons who sometimes contradicted each other and caused him anxiety when he tried to make certain important decisions.

fredangeldevil

He drank at the lodge.

images (11)

He ate red meat.

ff

He ate lots of red meat!

images (2)

He played hard.

Fred Flinstone

He was probably too big for his height.

images (9)

But he also worked hard.  He worked hard in a gravel pit on the back of a giant dinosaur.

1315190346_fredcrane

He provided for his family.

images (10)

And most importantly, he was there.

He was there for those he loved the most, right there on the television for all of us kids watching to see.

He may not have been perfect, but Fred Flintstone reminds me a little of me…

Fred Flintstone and Pebbles

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20 Responses to Where did all the Fred Flintstones go?

  1. whinybaby says:

    Current kids’ TV is really upsetting. When I first started teaching, I was horrified that a kindergartener in my class had a Hannah Montana thermos – and then I realized that she was the target market.

    My husband and I have hoarded DVD box sets of shows from the 80s and 90s and are planning on raising our future spawn in a television time capsule. Which should be super healthy.

  2. Sadly, I know too much about the shows you mention, although we were able to check out before the Bubble Guppies kicked in. The iCarly dad, not sure about the mom, is in the military.

  3. cookie1986 says:

    We’re stll in Toopy and Binoo land over here. BUt it keeps her quiet when I need some time to get shit done. The Bubble Guppies, however, can die a slow death by drowning.

  4. barbtaub says:

    Here’s the thing. Children’s television has pretty much always been a wasteland. When our kids were small, we decided to get rid of the TV altogether. This basically had two results. First, they could not walk past a catfood commercial without being instantly mesmerized. Second, they taught themselves enough electronics to rig up a clandestine receiver/antenna to attach to the set we used for watching movies. Oh, and they all watch TV now. A lot.

  5. Amber Perea says:

    I watch almost all of those shows and have the same reaction! Where the heck are the parents? Especially the Max and Ruby one. Why is Max such a little jerk? Why is the sister raising him? Are the Bubble Guppies mer-people? Why are they being taught by an over sized fish?

    What the heck are they making nowadays? Where are the families? Why is every program like a tamed down version of Lord of the Flies? It’s weird. 😉

  6. Wow, I had no idea things had degenerated to such an extent. Let me remember the last time I was around kids … my nephews and I would watch Argh Real Monsters. I don’t remember if any parents were around, but they had a headmaster monster that wore women’s shoes and lipstick. The child monsters would have to scare people and human toenails were a delicacy. Yep, it all went downhill, it seems. Now fish keep kids out of trouble. Apparently not enough if indiscriminate mutants are being spawned.

    The lack of parents and mouthing off to those that are is quite worrisome! If I had kids, I’d be pretty ticked off that they are touting having absent parents as a recipe for child utopia. The best parts of my childhood involved family!

  7. As a germaphobe, I reserve the right to skip this post due to the number of times puking might be mentioned. 😉

  8. 1tric says:

    In Ireland we blame the British for most things,, not me, just the other 4million in the country, but the Americans were the ones who quietly invaded and infiltrated our language with diapers and garbage and then left us with Barney and a whole heap of other unmentionables!!!!

  9. Katie says:

    I couldn’t understand why your posts were never showing up in my reader, and then it occurred to me I wasn’t following you! An oversight, on my part. My favorite kids’ show growing up was Arthur, is that still on? To be honest, I’d still be watching that today if my schedule allowed it.

  10. Mancakes says:

    Can’t believe I missed this post. The Boy used to be big into Max and Ruby, and I guess I’m the odd broad (shhhh… leave it alone, Don) that was more concerned with Ruby being a bossy nag. Sure, Max was a frikking weirdo, but still.

  11. rynolexson says:

    I have to agree, Max and Ruby is the most infuriating show my daughter watches (after Yo Gabba, Gabba of course). I still don’t understand why Max can’t talk but he can figure out all the things that Ruby can’t. Lets be honest here, Max isn’t the problem, Ruby just doesn’t listen. Damn Rabbits.

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