Between the terrible weather and G$’s mysterious bout with whatever virus has been causing him to puke his brains out for the past two days, there hasn’t been much motivation for any of us to leave the house.
Saturday morning, we hit that farm I mentioned in my last post, but that was cut way short by the aforementioned puking.
Puking always puts a damper on the weekend or any potential good time, really.
Are you reading this garbage while trying to eat your morning bagel or bowl of cereal?
I can say puke a few more times or even discuss the never ending flow of snot between the two boys, if that suits your breakfast tastes better.
Sorry, I’ll stop. Where was I going anyway?
Oh, I remember what I was going to complain about now.
For the most part, G$ has wanted no part of anybody but his poor mother for the past 48 hours.
Based on the number of times I’ve heard her suddenly shout, “Oh God, not again or Fuuuuuck, or Noooo, G$, wait, here’s the bucket,” from upstairs, my guess is that she’s been puked on no less than 15 times since Saturday morning.
While she was earning parent of the month honors with number 3, numbers 1, 2 and I were fending for ourselves downstairs.
We watched a lot of television.
A lot of kids’ programs, to be precise.
Have you watched kids’ programming lately?
It’s just awful.
Every now and then the kids will turn on some quality stuff like Tom and Jerry or Looney Tunes, but, for the most part, it’s newer Nickelodeon crap that we have to endure.
Here’s what I got to watch this weekend.
There is a show about part human/part fish creatures that associate with other under sea looking creatures called Bubble Guppies.
The main character kids are human from the waist up and fish below the waist.
They’re mermaids, I guess.
The only adult who is ever around to tend to these little cretins is all fish. He has no human features except for teeth!
Even the little dog has a dog head to go with his fishy lower body.
Why or how in the world would the adult be ALL fish??
I didn’t watch enough to learn whether or not all the adult characters were drawn the same way, but I didn’t notice any half human half fish adults in the little bit of the show that I did see.
What I do know, is that Mr. Grouper (that’s the all fish dude’s name in the picture above) isn’t the father of any of the little human/fish creatures he’s always around.
I don’t know what his relationship is to these child mermaids, but feel free to comment below and enlighten me, if you do!
There’s also a cartoon about a little girl rabbit named Ruby and her pain in the ass little brother, Max.
Max doesn’t listen to his sister very well, and unfortunately, she’s the only one who’s ever tried to discipline him.
I found his behavior infuriating at times.
These rabbits have visited their grandmother a time or two, but like the strange fish creatures in Bubble Guppies, there’s never a mommy or daddy rabbit around to put a foot in Max’s ass.
Where are your parents, Max and Ruby?
There were several other shows where the strange little characters also had no parents around.
Maisy the Mouse was always having her friends over to the house with nary an adult to be found.
What sort of mouse hangs around with chicks and alligators anyway?
The one friend is an elephant for God’s sake! When I was a boy, elephants were afraid of mice. It was common knowledge and it was classic cartoon humor!
I don’t even know what the below characters are supposed to be.
They’re from a show that makes CDawg laugh out loud though (I worry that he’s getting a contact high at the sitter’s or something because there’s no other way this stuff is funny).
The main character in this ridiculous cartoon is named Pocoyo.
Pocoyo, same as Maisy in the above show, doesn’t speak. Both shows are narrated by some douchebag while the characters go about their unsupervised business.
There are many other kids’ shows today where the same crap is going on, namely characters with no parents, or at the very least, negligent parents, are running around in gangs instead of being in school.
It’s not only the kids’ cartoons either.
Ace likes to watch a show called Icarly.
I’ve not seen enough of this show to know the whole story, but from what I can glean, it’s a bunch of teens with either no parents, or really shitty parents, doing whatever the hell they want.
There’s lots of kissing and teenage flesh being shown. It’s just what I want my 9 year old daughter taking in. Thankfully, she still thinks that’s “gross”.
Freddy has a mom who’s very protective, and the little blonde girl, Sam, has a mother who I think is in prison or is in and out of prison.
I’m not sure, but every now and then Sam will make a sarcastic remark about her less than stellar mother. There’s nothing like bashing your parents with no repercussions. That never happened on the Cosby show! The bad remarks always made their way back to Mr. or Mrs. Huxtable to be dealt with! Awe yeah!
I don’t know that any of the Icarly kids has a dad though.
The star of the show, Icarly, has a retarded older brother who takes care of her.
I asked Ace what the deal was with her parents once and said that she thought Icarly’s parents were either dead or they may be out of town on vacation.
Really? Dead or on vacation without their kids? That’s good stuff right there.
It’s possible that I’m just missing something with these shows and it’s really not a big deal other than to only me right at this very second, but do you know who did have a parent around during her cartoon appearances, even a father!??
Pebbles Flintstone did.
Look how cute and happy she was in her daddy’s arms.
Was Fred Flintstone perfect?
No, he could be quite a fuckstick, honestly.
He had some anger issues, even with the neighbors.
He struggled with demons who sometimes contradicted each other and caused him anxiety when he tried to make certain important decisions.
He drank at the lodge.
He ate red meat.
He ate lots of red meat!
He played hard.
He was probably too big for his height.
But he also worked hard. He worked hard in a gravel pit on the back of a giant dinosaur.
He provided for his family.
And most importantly, he was there.
He was there for those he loved the most, right there on the television for all of us kids watching to see.
He may not have been perfect, but Fred Flintstone reminds me a little of me…