Lol, I just reread this and decided fuck it, I’ll go ahead and click publish on this piece of shit anyway. Have fun!
Well, that four day weekend went by way too fast, but that’s typical.
C’est la vie I guess, so let’s get on to the business of boring you with my weekend.
St. Louis has a great 4th of July celebration, which is even better when I don’t have to work the event. The last time I worked it I was standing in the middle of an intersection on Washington Avenue around 10 pm in the still sweltering heat. It was asshole to belly button with cars not going anywhere because there were thousands of them trying to leave downtown at the exact same time. I recall some numbnuts rolled down his window to voice his displeasure with me at the gridlock and then asked me if I was in charge of the event. I laughed and laughed until my stomach hurt before douchey McGee asked me what was so funny. Uh, well, do you really think if I was in charge of this nonsense that I’d put myself at an intersection on Washington Avenue that was asshole to bellybutton with cars occupied by hot, angry and probably semi drunk fucktards like yourself instead of in the air conditioned command van or something? Idiot.
Anyway, I was off this weekend and the parade organizers invited police department employees to walk in the parade so the DOAT clan jumped at the chance. The kids had fun throwing candy at to the onlookers and the wife and I got a little exercise pulling the boys in the wagon for what felt like at least 157 city blocks.
I wasn’t very comfortable during the parade because I didn’t know what the hell I was supposed to do with my non wagon clasping hand. Do I wave and walk the entire distance with a goofy Ms. USA smile on my face or what? I didn’t, so I hope I didn’t appear not to be having a fine time, because I was. It was nice to be applauded when a parade announcer mentioned the police department. We get to dealing so often with people who are angry because they were in an accident or had something stolen or are suspects being arrested, so it’s nice to have a chance to be around folks when they’re pleasant and at least pretending that they like the police for a change.
The parade is a very good one as far as local parades go, and I think the kids had fun. If nothing else, it wore the boys out and that’s always a good thing.
Aside from the parade, there’s a great air show and lots of booths and what not to keep your family entertained. Here’s a small taste of the start of the air show. I’m not ashamed to admit that a little Coming to America by Neal Diamond choked me up a bit. Shut it!
Thursday night we got tanked and shot fireworks because that’s what real ‘Mericans do on the fourth of July! That wore us out pretty good, so Friday was a good day for a whole lot of nothing so that Saturday we could get after things again.
While we had our carpets cleaned for the first time in the three years we’ve lived in our house, my stupid ass decided to be a kind neighbor and mow not only my own yard (which is far from a regular occurence), but my two next door neighbors’ yards as well. They were both out of town enjoying the beach while I was not.
As if that wasn’t unpleasant enough, we decided to torture ourselves by cooling off at the Six Flags water park on Saturday afternoon.
Holy fat people with tattoos all over!! I mean really, I guess I never appreciated how many folks are tattooed all over their bodies with things that aren’t even cool to look at and otherwise make no sense to perfect strangers whatsoever. One guy had a giant baby’s face tattooed all over his entire back. In his defense, it did look just like the baby he was holding, but c’mon, just look at a picture for God’s sake! What if he has another baby? Where will he find a place to put an equally huge tattoo of another spawn?
Anyway, here’s my gripe for the day.
You can buy what is called a Flash Pass at Six Flags that basically lets you fuck around while not waiting in line until your little pass tells you that it’s nearly your turn to ride so you make your way to the ride in the special Flash Pass line. Let me tell you how neat it was and how not pissed off I was at the Flash Pass users who kept showing up and getting a raft right away while I was standing in an hour long line with two prattling 10 year old girls surrounded by other fat, sweaty and increasingly aggravated people. It was awesome!
I shouldn’t have been so judgmental though as there was nothing preventing me from spending $15 more on passes for each of my own clan, but I guess I suck like that.
I will, however, judge the white trash couple who showed up with 12 other people in their group and got to butt in line not because she had a Flash Pass, but apparently because she was in a wheel chair. While I know that people can suffer from many debilitating things requiring a wheelchair and look otherwise healthy, this woman was just plain trash. Her boyfriend who was pushing her around was even worse, and the others besides them each got progressively worse still. One may have had a tail even.
They got to butt in line to get not one or two, but six fucking rafts!! The rafts were coming down one at a time, so we’re talking at least 15 minutes being added to my wait to accommodate these inbreds. The raft is a large, cumbersome four person number and not easy to carry even with two people doing so. She had no problem getting out of her chair and carrying it with her man friend the 70 yards they had to walk to get to the eight flights of stairs they climbed on foot with no problems to get to the start of the ride.
FUUUUUUCK!!!! I thing the heat was making me delirious.
Still, even if she was cripple, the other people most certainly were not. Well, not physically at least. They could have waited in line just like the rest of us jerks had to.
Geez, let’s wrap this up, right? That was the only ride I ventured upon as the boys were too small to ride every single ride in the water park and were driving Wife bonkers while I was away with Ace for the nearly two hours it took to ride that one ride I just mentioned.
Long story short, get a Flash Pass and bring a camera. I did not and I regret all the photo chances I missed. Between the fat and the tattoos and the general insanity that comes with any large crowd, it’d been nice to have some pictures to share with you all. We’re going back next Saturday, so maybe next time.