Yay, quick rants…a really dumb post where i mostly bitch.

Sometimes, when the mood strikes me, I like to rant about something ridiculous like that Asian woman last week whose attempt to back into a parking space while simultaneously blocking my access to the McDonald’s drive-thru lane for coffee nearly sent me into a tizzy of epic proportions before she finally decided that parking was too difficult and left to eat at the less crowded Jack in the Box across the street. Dumb bitch. Or I may erupt about things that don’t even affect my life directly one bit, like school snacks or, more accurately, the lack thereof.

I admit that I can be a bitch. It’s part of my charm or something like that.

In a display of never before seen from me common sense, I nixed posting a rant I had started that involved me being tired of people asking me, mostly via FB meme, to quit staring at their obnoxious kids. I see lots of these posted by moms with autistic kids, especially. Hey, if your kid is having a meltdown and people are staring at you then go ahead and take your frustrations with your kid out on the people around you.

Yelling, “What the fuck are your people looking at!??” or something similar to curious bystanders is probably much more cathartic and useful than posting a meme on FB to your friends, who probably already know you and understand your situation. I very much doubt that the typical Walmart shopper, Cletus McGoatfucker, is going to keep his eyes affixed upon his case of Keystone Light so as to not appear judgmental while your kid is flipping the fuck out because he saw your meme and understands that you may be dealing with a “differently abled” little person. I could be wrong though.

It’s their right to judge, but it’s your right to call them out as assholes and tell them to mind their own business!

Anyway, I didn’t want to offend my autistic mommy bloggers and have that community angry at me again over a misunderstanding so I’m going to bitch about customer service istead.

Iced tea is a rapper, sir...

Iced tea is a rapper, sir…

I don’t do fast food too often, but we went to Wendy’s in order to get some quick food into G$’s belly before he went all G$ on us and I ordered myself an iced tea. The drive thru employee was very obviously a mostly disinterested young black woman.

Me: And I’d like an iced tea, please.

Her: Hi C?

Me: No, I said iced tea.

Her: You want an Icee?

Me to Wife: Is this gal fucking with me??

Me: ICED TEA!!!! TEA!!!!!

Her: Ok!

Skeptical upon receiving my beverage that it was indeed tea, I checked it and was delighted to see that there was iced tea in my cup. When I asked for Sweet ‘n Low, she told me that they didn’t have Sweet ‘n Low, but they had sugar packets.

Ugh, I told her I’d take a couple sugar packets and as we were driving away, the wife says, “That doesn’t sound right, pull over. They’ve got to have Sweet ‘n Low.”

So the little lady goes into Wendy’s and alighted from the store with little pink packets of sweet stuff.

Wife gets in the car and says, “They don’t have Sweet ‘n Low, they have Sweet Crystals.”

Well fuck me! Sweet Crystals comes in the little pink packets.

While technically they didn’t have Sweet ‘n Low, the alternative to it isn’t to offer sugar packets, it’s to just give me the other pink packets!! That seems like common sense to me, but maybe it’s cultural as just to make a point, I went to a different Wendy’s a few days later and ordered the same drink and Sweet ‘n Low. The clearly mostly disinterested white woman working the window this time gave me Sweet Crystals instead of telling me they had a completely different sort of sweetening product altogether!

Is it just me? It’s not, right?

Ok, one more beef, this time about something where I wasn’t even present. Sad, I know!

Wife bought a couple packs of Schnuck’s (that’s our local grocery store) brand lunch meat in those Tupperware type packages and found them to be slimy and gross the very day she brought them home. The meat inside was slimy and gross, not the packages.

When told by Wife that she would like to return the randy meat, the customer service woman says to her, “I buy this lunch meat

You ma'am can shove your beloved meat in your ass.

You ma’am can shove your beloved meat in your ass.

all the time and it’s really good.”


Nobody asked you if you liked the brand or not lady! It’s slimy and smells rank so we ain’t gonna eat it. I wish wife had told her that if she’d eat some of it, that wife would leave without the refund, but she didn’t.

Next time lady, just say something like, “Oh, I’m sorry you weren’t satisfied with your purchase, ma’am, I’ll return your money right away.”

See that? Fuck you lady!

While I’m aware that I get more worked up over stupid things than most, surely these sorts of fucktardation aren’t only annoying to me, are they?

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56 Responses to Yay, quick rants…a really dumb post where i mostly bitch.

  1. Abby says:

    OK so I totally get what you are saying-and now i have a q for you-its in the same world of annoying but it has to do with Police officers so you are the perfect person to ask. Why, please why when you pull us over do you ask about the driving records or why I was on the phone, if you are just going to give me a ticket anyway? It happened to my TWICE in the last few weeks and I just dont understand. Do you enjoy giving me 2 minutes of hope that I am going to get a warning? Or do you just like to see the look on my face when you hand me the ticket? just asking…

    • Jolene says:

      Also…..why is it that you guys (lovely police officers) get to gab on your cellphone while driving but we can’t? hahahaha…. I know the answer because I’ve asked a friend of mine who is on patrol….he just laughed and said “because we can”.

      • Everybody gabs in MO because it’s not illegal yet, so I don’t know. I don’t like it as it looks unprofessional, but for real, there’s a lot of police related crap that goes on via cell phone too so it could be business sometimes.

    • Why are you getting pulled over so often is maybe the bigger concern here??!! Lol.

      The driving record question is one that a cop might ask just to compare what you say to what he’ll be able to see and write you a ticket if you’re a liar liar pants on fire. You don’t have to tell him crap, if you don’t want to, but I tend to give more breaks than I do tickets, especially to people who are fun to talk to. Some cops are just jerks and are screwing with you though. Hard to say.

      • Abby says:

        it was that kind of month! The first set of tickets that I had are gonna be downgraded….ahh its all about $. I am always honest-I mean you can get my records anyway so whats the point. I find that because of my criminal past I never really get a break…oh well, I had a good run of like 3 years without tickets….

  2. ha! i like when you bitch, but you should relax a little. you might need to take a run or have a beer. or do both at the same time. and maybe stop going to all the fast food counter places. you seem to run into a lot of trouble with the people there. 😉

    • I ran 6 miles on the treadmill yesterday, thank you very much and I drank about 20 beers (literally, sadly) on Sunday so I’m trying! Service is so piss poor everywhere now. Maybe it’s an indication of the decline of society generally. Except at Chick Fil A! Those people are crazy polite!

      • Melanie says:

        I think a script for Xanax comes with the Chick Fil A uniform. Or maybe they’ve got an assembly line of Stepford Employees going.

  3. goldfish says:

    I approve of rants.

    Also, you have a grocery store named Schnuck’s? What the Schnuck?

  4. mistyslaws says:

    Oh ho, you just wait. There is a post brewing in my little noggin. I just wanna get it absolutely right before I spew my distaste and anger at a certain company and their incompetance and crazy making customoron service. You. Just. Wait!

  5. Abby says:

    BTW I work in customer service and believe me, when we are nasty and rude its usually because the customer that called RIGHT before you was a total ass…I am luckily off the phones and just deal with the broken items…really people are idiots it is my total believe that they are stupid on purpose…

    • You’re not telling me anything new, sister. You may be surprised to learn how much stupidity we come across every day as police officers. Both citizens and other officers! lol. I waited tables during college too and that was the worst.

      • Abby says:

        i can only imagine how many stupid ppl you come across-i watch cops…omg i couldnt do your job! lol
        i have been a waitress for years-always going back when i need extra cash but i still think dealing with digital camera customers-omg these ppl are idiots. for example-if you put the battery in the camera in backwards it will not turn on. its not a design flaw. you are an idiot…lol

  6. Katie says:

    Man, Cletus McGoatfucker really gets around. I thought he was just in our Walmarts here.

  7. ardenrr says:

    I crazy needed this today … thanks 🙂

  8. I love that “Disgruntled Employee of the Month” pin. It’d be great for sticking on my son’s shirt every time he throws a hissy fit about something stupid.

  9. markbialczak says:

    You are so far from alone, Don. I call the category for my rants on markbialczak.com Grumpus. I’ve railed about them turning my favorite and most convenient out-of-the-traffic parking lot in our local mega-mall into Valet Parking — yup, at a city mall — and the neighbors(?) who think the grass on the lot between my house and the place next door is the perfect spot to let Fido romp, release, and not get cleaned up after. It makes me feel better to let it out. Hope it does the same for you.

  10. The Cutter says:

    So you went to get fast food and DIDN’T get top notch service? I have trouble believing that.

  11. This kind of crap bugs me on almost a daily basis. People are just stupid. Period. That’s all there is to it. Good thing we have blogs to complain about it, huh?

  12. I love it when you bitch. You’re my kind of people.

  13. I Am Jasmine Kyle says:

    I’ve been feeling like flipping out lately my self. I am SO SICK of people driving over the speed limit and acting like I am driving slow. 45 is the SPEED LIMIT not 65. I am not a rich person so I don’t speed. I actually care about the other people I share the road with or the neighborhood I am driving through. (25mph or slower by the way ESPECIALLY AT TRICK OR TREAT NIGHT) I am tired of being harassed by other drivers who are in the right lane (SLOW LANE) honking and riding my tale because they want to go 70 and I am going the speed limit.
    And it’s Iced TEEEEAAAA LOL

  14. Blogdramedy says:

    Even if this was a rant post, it was still sweetly artificial. *smirk*

  15. tric says:

    You off the drink? Cos you are mighty tetchy about sfa.I say Don, have a drink, build a bridge and get over it!

  16. findingninee says:

    That dick! Goatfucker is here, too!!! Also? Not all autism moms are all autism moms…just saying…and fuck those iced tea haters. They obviously have some stupidass agenda…

  17. Thank you, thought I was in the minority here!

  18. barbtaub says:

    I was out for a walk and went by a neighbor’s yard. There were bright yellow biohazard flags stuck on tall poles all over the yard. In the middle was a sign with a giant arrow pointing to the house next door. The sign said something like, “WARNING! This yard has been poop-mined by Sophie, the lab next door. Since Sophie’s owners apparently don’t notice shit themselves, they won’t mind that Sophie’s best efforts are now lining their front doorstep.”

    Those block parties must have been fun.

  19. This just made my day. Customer service is fucking rancid here in Aus too. McDonalds is usually amazing but I don’t go there often enough to give a detailed account. General customer service though, in anything from clothing stores to the insurance company on the phone, is just utterly abysmal. I don’t even know why they bother to say things like ‘can I help you’ or ‘how can I help you’ when you just know the the answer is ‘I don’t give a rats ass about being here I’m just waiting out the clock!’ And when you do get a good one…. hoooooeeee doesn’t it feel like rainbows and kittens are gonna start flying out your mouth it’s so exciting and beautiful. Thanks for the giggle.

    • Yay, you giggled! Thanks for that. It’s fun to bitch about, but customer service employees being rude is actually quite sad. I get that working with the public sucks, but at least wait until I leave before you call me an idiot.

  20. Go Jules Go says:

    ha ha ha You’re like my bloggy Lewis Black. I so enjoy your rants and think censoring yourself is a crime!! Cletus McLivestockLover! HA! (That’s my PG version. I’ll censor myself so we balance each other out.)

    P.S. – IT’S NOT JUST YOU. People suck.

  21. I don’t have a child with autism, but I can indeed affirm that it’s a fantastic stress reliever to shout at judgmental assholes who stare at a kids who are flipping the frack out.

  22. A.J. Goode says:

    Cletus McGoatfucker. *snicker*

    Goddamn it, Don — that was a good Redd’s Apple Ale that just shot out of my nose. Your blog should have a warning label.

  23. mollytopia says:

    No! Shit like that irritates me also! Even though I have a house and a job and plenty to be grateful for…Here’s mine: I ordered a cheeseburger in the Wendy’s drive-thru and asked them to cut it in half and they said no. Seriously? “We don’t do that anymore.” Since when? “We don’t do that anymore.” Motherfucker you have a knife right there. What is WRONG with you? I didn’t say that. I just complained on Twitter and then someone contacted me right away to apologize. But I still lost the battle and drove away with a whole cheeseburger. He was nice enough to put a knife in my bag. Dick.

  24. It seems to me that both Wendy’s and Schnuck’s has declared war on your family, and there is really only one way you need to respond to get the word on the street not to mess with Don Re, and you better start stocking Sweet ‘n Low.

    Also, Schnucks? Really?

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