It’s unfortunate that I spent my last post bitching about stupidity because I have so much to bitch about today as well, but I don’t want to over stimulate my readers with my crankiness.
Oh Don, what’s eating your ass now?
Well, since you asked, dear reader, aside from the fact that my beloved Cardinals embarrassed themselves in the World Series, there are several things rubbing me the wrong way this morning, and it’s not even 10am!
They are little things, but still, little things add up and make that vein in my forehead throb and pulsate unnaturally.
1. The American Psychological Association has allegedly decided that pedophilia is now a sexual preference instead of a sexual disorder. I don’t know if this is true or not, so if somebody wants to research this, please let us know.
Here’s a good test though. If you look at this picture below and think, “Hmmm, I’d like to tap that one on the right, then you’re a sick fuck, whether you act on it or not.” That’s a young G$, by the way, so approach at your own risk.
There is nothing pretty about this picture perves!
2. It’s raining where we are and there are people all atwitter about whether or not to move Trick or Treating to another day or oh my God, can we do it indoors somewhere?
Dress your kid like a fucking duck or fish or whatever and send him or her out into the rain! If your child doesn’t want to get wet then give him an umbrella. If he balks at that, then maybe he doesn’t want candy that badly. If somebody knocks on my door the night of November 1st dressed as anything and looking for candy, I will follow them home and tell them that they can retrieve their Snicker Bar from their dad’s rectum, as that’s where I shall put it.
3. I live in a pretty large subdivision and we have a Facebook page. I probably shouldn’t bitch about neighbors on here because one of them will read it and I’ll be ostracized forever, but I must. Knowing things about the people around you is frightening. With some of the things that people post, I wonder how in God’s name many of them are able to accomplish even the simplest of tasks. As an example, once, during a tornado storm so severe we actually woke a sleeping G$ to take him to the basement, somebody on the page posted, during the storm mind you, “Is anybody else going into their basement? I can’t decide if we need to go to the basement or not.” HOLY FUCK! There was literally a tornado tearing through the area and this woman’s best course of action was to post this question on FB (it was around midnight) and hope that somebody not only saw it, but responded to it in time for her to make her decision. The tornado missed us, but it came very close. Good luck to this woman’s children!
There are countless other examples of buffoonery that I won’t get into, but suffice to say reading it often makes my eyelid twitch and my brain want to jump out of my ear so it can run off into traffic.
As it’s Halloween, I’ll stop now and wish you and yours a good time tonight!
I shall dress up as the cow for the 18th year in a row. I’ve worn this costume from some gay bar in Pasadena, CA to all over North Texas and right here in the St. Louis Metro area and never had a bad time.
The Bud Light Lime helps.
Utterly fantastic! See what I did there?
The kids will probably also dress up, whatever. They did last year.
Awesomeness!
And the year before.
Crankenstien?
And in years prior as well…
Awe Ace wanted to be like her brother…
Spooky witch!
You get the idea and yes, I am totally just subjecting you to pictures of my kids unnecessarily because they’re cute.
Have fun y’all!
Oh, I came across the Husky Spider Man costume picture again and laughed just as I did when I saw it the first time. I’m mature like that.
Lol. Shooting webs? No, shooting spray cheese into my mouth instead.
Ok, I’m done now.
Hah! The tornado story is great – idiots. Cow costume = Awesomesauce
PS – Is that your wife in the pic with G$?
No, shhhhh, that’s Margo!
I did look into that APA thing, because I couldn’t believe I hadn’t heard about it. Looks like it’s true. They are now going to distinguish between those who have that sexual preference (orientation) and those who actually act on it (which is then considered a disorder). There are actually even “pedophilia-advocacy groups.” Who knew? Who wanted to? I guess technically it doesn’t change anything since acting upon it is still labeled a disorder, but it’s still hard to be “supportive” of one who has the “orientation” vs. the “disorder.” I’ll be interested to see what response this gets, but for now, rant away. I’m not far behind you…
Hm, that’s interesting. It actually makes sense on a purely ice-cold, clinical level. Still leaves a scummy residue behind, though…
Agreed.
It does on some level, but there’s a difference between seeing an attractive young lady at first glance and thinking she’s cute, but upon somebody saying “dude, she’s 14!” a normal man should instantly feel dirty and filled with shame or be labeled a sexual predator or something like that.
That’s just sick. Really, really, really sick.
Why do we even acknowledge Psychology as a valid field anymore? I thought sociology was out and psychology wasn’t too far behind. All things are explained through biology nowadays. At least that’s what it seemed to be like in that genetics class I took many moons ago.
Biology may trigger the behaviors, but it doesn’t tell you how to deal with them. That’s where psychology comes in. I just made that up, but it sounds good and it makes sense, so I’m sticking with it…
LOVED this!!! especially #2 —the feeling is mutual!! I will be sitting in my garage with my big bowl of candy waiting on the little mops to come claim their piece of candy.
but….. i have rules :
adorable/creative costume = 2 pieces of GOOD candy
ordinary “it’s not your fault your parents didn’t care” costume = 2 pieces of ok candy……anything peanut butter/almond joys…pretty much whatever I don’t like.
A parent bringing their 1 – 6 mth old = 1 piece of candy and a look like “really??? i know damn well this kid isn’t eating the candy…lazy ass”
A teen dressed in regular everyday close = gets told “I’m sorry I’m out of candy”
***Now…..if they family brings a dog and the dog is dressed up…..well then they all get 3 pieces of candy and the dog gets a doggy treat!!!
You have quite the system in place, Jolene! I’d not be able to keep tabs on all that in my Halloween state of inebriation.
hahaha i loved this! you should rant more often, it suits you as does the cow costume. i was in line at the grocery store laughing hysterically reading this.
Hahaha, I love to hear that people laughed out loud reading my garbage, even if it was only to laugh at my fat ass in a cow outfit.
Yeah, if it rains, you get wet. That’s how the world works. If someone comes by my house the next day and is all like, “We didn’t go last night because it was raining,” I’d be all like, “Well that’s too bad. Buy an umbrella next time.”
Lol, exactly. Sorry little dudes but this candy is mine. There were a lot of kids being driven from street to street by adults in cars and I found that to be irritating as well. Not surprising, many of those kids were of the portly variety.
Love the cow costume, Don. Be glad you don’t live here where it’s been coooold, or you’d have icicles on those milkers!
Thanks, Lorinda! Those milkers dun been through a lot over the years!
Sorry you’re baseball hurtin’, man. Let it all out…
Mostly over it now and am looking forward to next season. It’s l’hockey sur glace season now, so let’s go Blues!
K-ute kids and costumes! I’m utterly impressed at the number of years your costume has lasted. And, are shall I tell my dad where he can retrieve a Snickers bar if me and a furry Robin Thicke show up in St. Louis tomorrow? HAPPY HAUNTING!
Yea, it was tough sitting through last night’s game. Ugh. Love the pics! Happy Halloween.
Oh, and I really hope the sexual preference thing is incorrect!
Don, you could post that husky Spiderman every day and I’d chuckle at it. Every damn day!
#1 is absolutely disturbing and I hope it’s not true. #2 mad me LOL, as did your utters. #3 I hate tornadoes – I chose our current house bc it at least has a partial basement. The kids are cute!
That wasn’t so bad, Don! The adorable kid pictures definitely lessened the blow of the bitching! Love your costume. Can you drink Bud Light out of one of the utters?
*****UDDERS****
I don’t want to research the creepo issue for you and will instead just hope you’re wrong. I love that your same costume has lasted for 18 years! Have you ever washed it? And yeah, you’ve got some cute kids. Way cute. They’re probably still yours. I mean I’m sure they’re yours. Our neighbors are dipshits, too. Have fun tonight!!!
Trick or treating in the bad weather is what separates the wheat from the chaff, I tell you what. There was one Halloween about twelve years ago when the weather was just slightly above freezing and the wind was horrible. Andrea must have been about four or five, and even with her winter jacket on we made it to two houses before she said, “Mom, I wanna go home.”
“But you won’t get any more candy.”
“I don’t care. I’m cold.”
Okay then. You don’t hear that very often.
On a random side note, I think (if the voting keeps going the way it’s going) I may have to give you a cool consolation prize for the name contest. I have to say, I loved Zilla Wafers. It made me laugh.
Hooray for consolation prizes! I take it others aren’t as hip to it? Boogers.
I was kinda bummed, actually. Send some folks over to vote for ya- you might still have a chance!
Posts like this are why I love you as I do. Get their Snickers out of their dad’s rectum.
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Holy Cow! That’s a crazy costume. 😉
Utterly awesome!! but at the moment i’m a halloween buzz kill as well. must be the sugar crash.
Rain? NO NO NO WE WILL ALL MELT!!! Seriously, if kids can’t handle trudging through a little precipitation, then they don’t deserve the candy anyway.
I think your udders need to be bigger. Have a safe and sugar heavy night. *grin*
Mooo!! You’re funny when you’re grumpy and dressed as a cow.
I love that your little girl dressed as Iron Man. So awesome.
Gahd you crack me UP! Love love love this post.
You know driving a car in a cow costume will make you a horrible driver because you’re female. I can say this because I’m female. Hey, I’ll admit it. 🙂
I absolutely cannot stand it when people post questions to Facebook that are either 1) common sense, 2) personal decisions, or most importantly, 3) things you should ask a qualified healthcare professional. That last one especially annoys me.
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