When I’m extremely swamped and frustrated at work, I sometimes like to distract myself from doing actual work by whipping out quick posts about nothing in particular so I feel as though I’ve accomplished something.
Here’s another one of those numbers for anybody interested in reading about the mundaneness that is my life.
Here I am not working at work:
Here I’m hard at work taking a selfie like a 14 year old girl…
Family, friends and even some astute long time readers may notice that I am wearing glasses. Yes, these are official prescription glasses (my first pair ever) so I’m feeling like a 40 year old piece of falling apart crap right now. I had readers at one point last month, but they were not getting the job done so I broke down and got these bad boys.
Picking out glasses is a pain in the ass.
No.
No.
Yes???? No.
And so on it went at the optometrist’s office until we’d had enough and decided eating lunch someplace would be more fun than looking for glasses.
When I finally caved, I went ahead and bought some online at this joint called Coastal.com. I’m not paid to endorse this company and I have no idea if my experience was any good or not because, like I said, I’ve never bought glasses before. But, they sent my glasses pretty quickly, they look good enough for me, and it only set me back just under $19.
If you need glasses and have never bought from them before, they have a good selection of free glasses for first time buyers. You just pay for shipping. You’re welcome!
Monday was Veteran’s Day and I got to do one of my favorite things in the world, namely, spending the day one on one with one of my kids.
It was G$’s turn again since the older kids both had school.
Long time readers might be grinning ear to ear right now because you think there is going to be a rant or funny story about G$ shenanigans. While he certainly has given us our share of headaches, whether it be by eating sex jelly, being a toddler, or cracking his melon open, he’s much better now.
He wanted him some pancakes for breakfast, so we started the day at IHOP. After wolfing down his Rooty Junior and most of my sausage, G$ did manage, even though there was probably 200 square feet of non disgusting parking lot to walk on, to step on a discarded condom.
GROSS!
Why the fuck is there a discarded condom in the parking lot of IHOP?!!!!
It wasn’t there when I got out of the car, I’m sure of it. I’d have seen it because things like that draw me in subconsciously. I guess somebody had a quickie right there in broad daylight and didn’t have the decency to use the nearby trash receptacle.
So, he stepped in it, accidentally, and I scrubbed that little shoe as best I could so that he wouldn’t give my headrest herpes or some other awful STD. I sort of regret not having taken a picture of it now, just for you guys. Oh well.
Then we visited with grandma while she was at work teaching preschoolers whatever it is she teaches them before heading to the local state park for some free entertainment.
Here we are at the World Bird Sanctuary. It’s free and it’s fun and you should totally check it out if you’re ever in the St. Louis area.
We were totally the best looking guys there!
Oh, and there are lots of birds there too.
I’m all majestic and shit like that…
Then we went next door to drive through Lone Elk Park where, if I was to be given a dollar for every elk I saw, I would have zero dollars.
We did see some buffalo though. This one was pooping.
Go behind a tree, jerk!
It’s really a pretty park, and I have seen elk there before, I swear it.
So all in all, we had a great day. It started to rain and I had to pick Cool up from school, so the boys ended they day as they always do lately, namely driving themselves batty with Mario Karts. God I hate that game.
Never you mind the mess!
While the boys rotted their brains with video games, I did the same with Bud Light Lime while I made some sketti for dinner.
Like I said, it was a good day.
don of all trades 
I’ll take the glasses over the hat ANY DAY! 😉
And I bet you just hate Mario Kart because you suck at it. Just sayin’.
Hey, I don’t totally suck, but I could certainly be better. You have nearly teen boys. What are the tricks??
Find a way to cheat, Don. ALWAYS cheat.
The first pic of the glasses definitely make you look nerdy and slightly retarded.
Good thing you didn’t pick those.
Hahahahaha! You just made me pee my pants a little!
I have to agree with rynolexson. Those first glasses made you look like an idiot. The $19 look good though. Freaking derelicts having condom sex at IHOP in the middle of the day? Ew. Sounds like a perfect time with G$. Glad he didn’t eat the condom. Or throw your wallet out of the car. Or anything like that.
Well you and Ryan would get along fine as you’re two of my favorite blogger ladies. Of course, Kristi, you’ll like me more than her as we’ll share a mutual hatred of her deep down for being younger than us by over a decade. And change.
Anybody who calls me nerdy and retarded is automatically my new favorite person so congrats on that! The glasses there had little tags that said things like $150 or $260, so I mostly laughed and ordered online.
Oh yeah… the glasses look great, by the way.
Nice save. And thank you!
Ha Ha Ha!!! You never know what you will find at IHOP. Seriously.
It was nasty and shocking because I swear it wasn’t there when I went in the restaurant.
Since you have a full head of hair, you probably didn’t even notice what a flat-out lie that whole “bald” eagle crap is.
I can’t believe they didn’t pick the turkey as the national bird. Geez, it’s so obvious.
Welcome to the glasses club. And the falling apart club. Trying to get used to wearing my overpriced progressive lenses since I can’t read any type smaller than billboard type anymore. Luckily I’m not falling down the stairs any more trying to adjust to the funky depth perception thing with progressives.
Progressives? I don’t like the sound of that one bit! Or overpriced! Lol, not falling down the stairs is probably good though. Well, for you anyway. It’s hilarious to other people I bet.
Ewwww! Condom grossness!
I know, right? Gross! Who does that?
Found a used condom on the steps in my parking garage once. Took a picture and shared with everyone, because I’m a responsible and conscientious blogger, damnit!!
Nice selfie. But next time, do it in the bathroom with a toilet behind you like a respectable 14 year old girl, would you? Gah!
I’ve been spending some time with my kids lately, mostly them helping me cook and such, and I kind of like it. Shhhh, don’t tell. Might ruin my bitch persona out here in this crazy interwebbed world. Wouldn’t want that!
A toilet! That’s what was missing! Dammit, Misty, where are you when I need you? I would never tell anyone that you’re not the total bitch that you purport to be online.Only close.
Why don’t you have a police uniform on? Are you a detective? Nice glasses. I liked the 3rd pair in the Yesss. No picture. But the ones you got look really good. No, seriously. They’re fine.
That’s top secret, Maggie! Thank you though; I went with $18 after shipping. That’s the best look for me.
Thank you for pulling me out of my self absorption for a nice laugh. The selfie is def not of a fourteen year old because there was no duck face. Next time make sure to give us a duck face, k?
Duck face! I’m so on it next time! What were you self absorbing about? Everything ok I hope?
Oh the usual divorcee Oh My Dear God What Have I Done With My Life stuff. Let me know when you’ve mastered the art of the Duck Face.
Sorry…I thought maybe you were lamenting the timing of your haircut this close to winter cold.
You can do a CSI “Enhance!” and see your wife taking your picture in the mirror.
I’m not ashamed of her, Ross! She goes out in public with me sometimes. Lol.
Wait until you need Transition glasses like me. That’s basically a fancy way of saying tri-focals. They start at the highest prescription on top of the lens and gradually decrease in strength near the bottom so you can go from seeing far away to reading up close. Really make me feel young. But there is one positive about my crappy vision: I likely wouldn’t have spotted the condom…
Oh my god, look which doctor found the funny bone all of a sudden!!! Yay Dr. Sidney’s creator!!! Lol. No, you’re always hilarious what with the shoes. Always the shoes. Thank you for reading my posts lately. Are you okay?
Probably not.
Lol. That’s better.
Let’s see how long it takes with those glasses before: 1. The dog eats them. 2. You put them down somewhere out of the house and forget about them. What? I sound like I’m speaking from experience? Yes, and yes.
Haha, yes! The dog is giving me the stink eye as we speak, buddy.
Keep them up high. As a puppy Ellie B got my favorite pair of progressives, the black ones that made me think of Buddy Holly and Elvis Costello. That left me with the less artistic brown ones until the next trip to the eye doc.
Why are you wearing a Gators hat? I like the glasses and for tips on a selfie like 14 year old girls, hold the camera up slightly above your head. I also like your tie and the cute photo of you and G$. Sounds like a fab day, indeed!
I only like the colors for real!!! Thanks for the selfie tip. I’ll remember that next time. Lol.
At least he just stepped in the condom and didn’t try to turn it into a balloon animal or something.
Ha! Your optimism is a light that guides me always through the dark times of my life. Or something.
I entered the glasses club some time ago, for reading and sewing. You’re not falling apart until you get to bifocals. *she tells herself*
Oh joy! Something to look forward too!! I’m trying to get used to these on my head all day. It blows.
Way to channel that frustration, buddy!
Thanks Boss! It is good to channel the frustration for good!
Very funny! I enjoyed the quick humorous activities of the day — especially scrubbing the shoe that came in contact with the discarded item in the IHOP parking lot!
It was a jizz filled condom. You can say that here, we’re all friends. Thank you as well for stopping by.
I have so much to say! First, where have you been all my blog-life? I’ve apparently been under a rock. You are my kinda funny! I laughed so much at this post (you win biggest laugh-o-my day, btw) my 9yo just yelled from upstairs and asked if I was watching 30 Rock!! You got compared to my 30 Rock laugh….you can go to bed now. Your work is done.
Also, the condom in the parking lot reminded me of this one time I was getting the boys haircuts at this new salon in the fru-fru rich area, and the salon was across from this big castle tower thing you can climb up inside, so while one was inside getting his hair cut with dad, I took the other one to the tower. Well, my (then) 4yo finds a used condom shoved into a crack in the top of the look-out area and screeches, “balloon!” and I screamed so fucking loud I scared him half to death and practically knock him over to keep him from touching it. He asks why he can’t touch the balloon and in my panicked state, my brilliant ass answers, “cuz it has pee in it.”
To this day they talk about the castle tower with the pee balloons in it. GAH.
I’ve been right here, writing things that originate in my ass someplace according to many. Glad to have you abroad. And aboard. Fucking phone.
I was just checking out that site for backup glasses for me and now the kid. Glad to hear they are OK.
Go for it! I have no complaints thus far, but I have nothing to compare it to either.
Sounds like a perfect day! The glasses look good, and he is such a cute kid I swear!! And, a condom in the parking lot????? DISGUSTING!
It was a really good day! Thanks on the glasses and G$, he is a handsome bloke, I’ll give him that. And yeah, condom…that’s not where those go, sir!
Too bad you got those glasses just in time to see the condom. Had you remained blind, you probably would have missed it. 🙂
Hahaha, I know, right!? My timing is impeccable.
You looked like you were having way too much fun shopping for glasses in those photos. You really need to turn it down, Don. 😉
It was just before lunch, so luckily, I was already drunk. Lol.
So I was sitting there eating some fried jalapenos-mostly because there must be some part of me that hates myself-and I’m minding my own business, reading your blog, okay, and I spray/laughed. That was pretty disgusting, not as disgusting as a condom in the parking lot, however the couple trying to eat fish tacos at the next table wouldn’t have agreed. So thanks for that.
Lol, you’re crazy! Were you out late eating spicy food to cleanse yourself today?? I like to hear such stories of spray laughter. Score!
I think we all totally want to come and hang out at your place. I’ll leave my glasses as home so I won’t actually see any mess at all. *grin*
Someone probably ordered some better than sex pancakes, which would be the obvious explanation as to why a used condom would be in the IHOP parking lot. They have those at IHOP, right?
I’m glad you had a fun day. Like the glasses. Been wearing them since I was three. My latest pair is purple. It will probably match my hair at some point. 😉
Your glasses are great! Heeeyyy we took Anna to IHOP Monday night for dinner! Yay sketti – I’mglad other people call spaghetti anything but spaghetti. We call it pahsketti – Anna started that before she learned how to use her mouth right. I love these everyday posts : )