All mature and stuff…someday.

Hey all, it’s another Finish the Sentence Friday! Join in on the fun, if you haven’t yet.

This week the sentence starter is: A funny thing happened on my way to…

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I used to wonder if I’d ever get there.

Would I make it?

Was I smart enough?

Tall enough?

Was I mature enough?

It turns out I don’t care.

You see….

A funny thing happened on my way to… growing up.

Just a couple of days ago, while sitting at the table enjoying my bowl of Lucky Charms, I realized that I was alone. There were no children running and screaming or dogs panting in my face or click clacking on the tile to drive me insane. It was just my cereal and me.

To pass the unexpected and unusual alone time, I turned the Lucky Charms box around to see what sort of puzzles or games or interesting reading material cereal boxes had nowadays, and was irked to find that the back of the box was the same as the front. Another Lucky the Leprechaun! Two fronts? That’s stupid.

Reading the cereal box while eating a bowl of cereal used to be classic kid behavior. I’ve never seen any of my kids do it. I don’t know if all the cereal boxes are like this or not, but let’s hope not. I was annoyed, but when I flipped the television on, Scooby-Doo was on. Not one of the new episodes where Velma has the hots for Shaggy and apparently Daphne and Fred are fucking because Fred hasn’t come out of the closet yet. Whatever! Those suck.

The old school Scooby-Doo was on and I was happy, so I dribbled cereal milk down my chin while I became immersed in mystery tv of the best kind.

It turns out that the kid who used to like to sit at the kitchen table watching cartoons or the Lone Ranger or that goddamned Romper Room woman who never did see me in her little mirror, while eating bowl after bowl of sugary cereal, is now an adult who still likes to watch cartoons and eat sugary cereals. A six-pack, a bowl of  Count Chocula and a few hours of Family Guy is a good night! If there’s a Blues or Cards game to flip between as well, then bonus!

I mostly went to public grade school and fully expected to attend the local public high school with all my junior high chums. The glitch was that my very best friend at the time was a Catholic school lad. He convinced my mom that I should at least apply to the same private high school that his brother attended and that he was going to attend. In order to persuade me that I’d enjoy it, he and his brother brought me to a high school soccer playoff game that the school was playing in.

It was pretty kick ass.

There were hundreds, if not thousands of people at the Soccer Park that night. The kids were screaming and cheering and had some really funny chants that they’d yell out from time to time. I’m pretty sure our school won, and I’ll never forget the coach, Ebbie Dunn, being interviewed by a local sportscaster. Media? I was hooked.

Somehow or other, I got accepted to that high school and I’m a better person for it. I’d have gotten a fine education at the public high school, but SLUH really crammed writing down our throats. Plus, we won the state championship in soccer my senior year for Coach Dunn, so that was pretty cool. He hadn’t won it since 1973 before that, so it was special. Ironically, we had to beat the public school I would have attended had I not been accepted into SLUH in the quarter finals. That was bitter sweet. Sorry guys.

Surely this semi-hoity toity school would make me grow up, right?

Wrong.

I did some pretty stupid things in high school that needn’t be rehashed here since, even though I’m pretty sure the statute of limitations has run on most of them, they’re somewhat embarrassing. Suffice to say, I knew, my senior year, as I was running naked in the backyard at my pal’s house with my Natural Light 12 pack box on my head calling myself Sir Drinksalot the Knight, that I was not quite there mentally. Close, but not grown up yet.

College? That’ll do it, right?

Wrong.

I was getting there at one point, I was sure of it.

The soccer coach had whipped me into shape pretty good and I was doing fine in school.

You know you might party a bit too much when more than ten people approach to ask you in a surprised voice, “Did I see that YOU made the Dean’s List?”

Yeah fuckers, I did!!!

Geez, I liked to have fun, yes, but I was no idiot. Insulting questions aside, I do get how they could be surprised. I mean, I NEVER missed a party.

Graduating and throwing myself into the work force hasn’t done the trick either.

I moved to Texas after college and worked for Budweiser. If I thought I drank a lot in college and was going to finally get a chance to dry up, I was sorely mistaken. Beer people drink like fish!

The jackassery continued as I was paid to hang out in bars and convince people to drink Budweiser products for several years.

Nobody can grow up into an adult in such an environment, so I went back to St. Louis to become a police officer. That sounds like a very adult thing to do, right?

It sort of is, I guess. I mean there is a lot of responsibility involved, but somehow, it hasn’t done the trick either.

I’ve tried everything.

I got married. I went to law school and passed the bar exam. I bought a house. I traded my pickup truck in for an SUV. I had kids and then bought a bigger house.

None of it worked.

Flip Flops? This is probably not how adults behave.

Flip Flops? This is probably not how adults behave.

If anything, the kids have kept me youthful and will probably keep me from ever “growing up,” whatever that really entails.

I still giggle when I hear words like anus or titty or when Cool farts. I say giggity and that’s what she said without even realizing it anymore. I’m okay with that.

Tonight, as I pound my beer and kick Cool and Ace’s ass in Mario Kart while G$ pokes me in my eyeball, I’ll be totally cool with not being a grown up.

As long as funny things keep happening along the way, that is.

——————————————————————————————

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post. Today’s sentence is “I once saw something funny on the way to…” and was provided by the lovely Kenya from Here’s the Thing who will be co-hosting with us this evening, so show her some love.

Haha, I realize just now that I fucked the sentence up but it’s too late to change now!

Hosts:
Janine: Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic
Kate: Can I get another bottle of whine?
Stephanie: Mommy, for Real
Kristi: Finding Ninee!

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37 Responses to All mature and stuff…someday.

  1. A.J. Goode says:

    Growing up is highly overrated!

  2. gimpet says:

    I love you just as you are, and so does your family. Stay young and immature, you are a hoot. Did you go to Chamanade? I dated a guy from there for several years in college who is your age. If you went there I wonder if you knew him?

  3. Deanna Herrmann says:

    What truly defines “grown up” anyway?! 🙂

    And oh. My. God. What I wouldn’t do for a bowl of lucky charms. I may have to suck it up someday and pay the outrageous amount and order some on Amazon!

  4. You definitely win the cool dad award, Don. You have done a lot of shit! My kids would love me so much more if I played Nintendo with them and watched cartoons to keep them up to date when they were off doing other things. But I could never do all of that AND everything you just said. If that is staying a kid, then you probably shouldn’t “grow up.”

  5. just cause we’re growing up doesn’t mean we have to be grown ups. duhhh. now pass me the fruity pebbles.

  6. rynolexson says:

    Growing up is for Republicans and Jewish people. Stay cool Don and keep wearing those hideous Adidas sandals that are like 14 years out of style, nobody will judge you.

  7. Melanie says:

    I went to so many dances at SLUH. Yeah, you boys were trouble; no growing up there. 🙂

  8. NotAPunkRocker says:

    I can’t grow up. I don’t know what I want to be yet.

  9. djmatticus says:

    Growing up is overrated. I plan on staying a kid forever. Can’t wait for the Little Prince to get a bit older so we can really play together – romp in the mud, throw food at the table, laugh at silly things that “grown ups” wouldn’t find funny, kill each other in video games… Oh, the times we will have.
    All while eating Lucky Charms.

  10. Mike Vogler says:

    For the record, I had a huge cartoon crush on Daphne. Don’t get me started on my twisted thoughts about Veronica from the Archies. I have a great sense of humor yet contradict myself continually by taking myself wayyyy too seriously. You and I, as best I’ve figured out, are close to the same age. And behavior. I say that with adoration, my friend. Because I refuse to grow up and I gravitate towards buddies with total man love who remind me to keep it fun and real. Great pic of you and your daughter, Don 🙂

  11. My kids definitely keep me grounded, but also have kept me young at heart so to speak, too!! 🙂

  12. Twindaddy says:

    Growing up is overrated anyhow. Fuck that noise.

  13. As someone who always messes up a theme, I am proud to have you a part of my world. As far as growing up? I thought it came with age. Then I passed 40 and thought holy crap I am still immature. Maybe it takes the kids going to college and you thinking they are drinking your inheritance away?

    Oh and I had a friend who worked for Bud. How cool was it when they would send you home with a case of beer at the end of the week!

  14. The Cutter says:

    I get the impression that you and I might get along just fine.

  15. Paul says:

    i’m in my 50’s and still haven’t decided what I want to be if I grow up.

  16. barbtaub says:

    Don, you have it made! You’ve already grown up as much as you’re ever going to and your kids are all potty-trained so your work as a parent is done. All you’ll need to worry about is writing those college tuition checks and the inevitable day when you’ll need to switch to the high-fiber Lucky Charms. With any luck, you’ll be teaching Cool’s kids to say giggity and they’ll snicker at your farts. Kinda brings a tear to my eye…

  17. I wouldn’t mind eating cereal every night for supper. Or having it for lunch, but cereal & milk isn’t easy to pack.
    Also, my brother and I used to hide behind the couch so that Miss Molly on “Romper Room” couldn’t see us with her magic mirror.
    Take that, Molly!

  18. findingninee says:

    Yeah, what’s up with the new Scooby Doo? Freaking Velma and Shaggy? Yeah. Also Scooby talking more drives me nuts. Anyway. Old Scooby rocks. Immature Don rocks too. I think that when we don’t grow up that we’re more fun for our kids so there’s that. I totally laugh at farts.

  19. Stephanie Sprenger says:

    That kicked ass! You brought back memories of me reading the back of the cereal box and watching Scooby Doo. (Daphne and Fred are fucking-ha!) I think there is little doubt that you will always be young at heart. Also “jackassery.” Nice.

  20. Cheryl says:

    I think the police officer thing was a matter of, “If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.” LOL
    Aging is inevitable; growing up is optional. But a six-pack and Count Chocula? Gross! A six-pack and a bag of Oreo cookies… now you’re talking. 😀

  21. mollytopia says:

    Omg I LOVE that you’re on a motorcycle in flip-flops – that has Myrtle Beach written all over it! We’re FAMILY – I knew it! By the way, having a job, a wife, kids, a car, a house, a career AND a law degree DOES make you mature. You’re just not a boring dooshbag thank gahhhhd. I teared up a little when I read: I still giggle when I hear words like anus or titty or when Cool farts. I say giggity and that’s what she said without even realizing it anymore. I’m okay with that….YES! Me, too brother : )

  22. samara says:

    I’m so emotionally stunted my favorite people are Little Dude and teenagers.

    I hope to never grow up. Ever. Don’t you, either.

  23. I Am Jasmine Kyle says:

    Keep rockin on! Eat your Lucky Charms and watch cartoons. That to me is an OSCAR winning deed!

  24. Where I live in Australia the adults amost only wear flip flops. I guess it’s fair to say we are pretty much a nation of flip flop wearing folks who mever grew up and drink like fish. 😉

  25. Dude, the best dads are the ones who never grew up. Moms are grown up enough. Kids need sugar cereal Scooby doo watching dads. Trust me on this one.

    Side note: If you read the post that I put up yesterday, please note that I am not a fan of his early work, and I do not condone the angry violent rap of his past. I was lying in bed last night and thought, “Oh shit. Don’s a cop. He’s gonna effing hate me.” I can’t have that. 🙂

  26. That woman never saw me in her stupid mirror either. I’ve kind of grown up in some areas – I eat healthier, but I still adore fart jokes and laughing at poop and I play Mario-Kart every night and often get into fights with my husband over it because he thinks he has to win EVERY FREAKING GAME! Some people tell me they don’t like my potty humor – puh-lease, it’s not even that bad. Farts are funny.

  27. Laura Lynn says:

    Grow up? Who? I was the most mature kid I knew. I’m getting younger and crazier every year. As for the cereal boxes hmmmph…Mom used to buy bags of puffed rice (gag) or make oatmeal (gag triple gag-although now I love it-turns out it wasn’t the oatmeal I hated it was the powdered milk) so cereal boxes were far and few between.
    I thought it was Hobo Kelly who did the magic mirror thing? I used to watch that and think ‘What?! Is she BLIND!? I’m right here! What a dodo!’
    Good job on getting good grades on school and landing all those awesome jobs. Budweiser rep? Seriously? I would have died in that job. As in, I’d still be doing it!

  28. Laura Lynn says:

    Oh…and GO SEA HAWKS!!!!

  29. 1jaded1 says:

    No more puzzles on the cereal box? Remember the complete breakfast? Two pieces of toast, a glass of milk, a glass of orange juice and cereal.

    Wear that immaturity with pride…along with those flip flops…it all looks good on you.

    J.

  30. Whoa, impressive list of accomplishments for a non-adult. I think I missed the “grown-up” phase and jumped straight into the “old, boring” phase. But I do cling to a few fleeting childlike things like Scooby-Doo, Crash Bandicoot, and Kellogg’s Corn Pops.
    Because they rock.

  31. I hope for our sake that you never grow up, Don! 🙂

  32. bethteliho says:

    The new Scooby Doo is so filled with angst and sexual tension it should be called Twilight Scooby. (if the mystery machine’s a knockin’…)

    Never grow up. Not totally. That’s when you stop smiling, and you get all tight wadish. (<<that's a word)

    love that you still eat fruit loops.

  33. The Hook says:

    Like my daughter always says “Don’t grow up! It’s a trap!”

  34. Joy Christi says:

    I know some grownups. They’re super boring. I don’t like em.
    I went to Catholic and then public school and I can tell you, the WORST kids of all were in Catholic school.

  35. lrconsiderer says:

    Lucky Charms cost a BOMB over here, but they’re so gooood. I kinda have this vision of you as the adult version of Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes – AWESOME li’l dude) with Saturday morning cartoons and six bowls of chocolate frosted sugar bombs.

    Keep doing that. It works. Your kids are happy. Your wife…is still married to you, so I assume she’s happy. Your readers are happy. You have the formula.

  36. rebecca2000 says:

    Never grow up, you’re fun the way you are. I giggle at farts too. I like to ask people really loud if it was them… in public.

  37. Just wanted to tell you that I thought of you when we drove past a Golden Corral during our recent Florida trip. I was very proud to be able to answer knowledgeably when The Husband asked. “What’s that?” Thanks for expanding my universe, buddy!

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