If i could go back in time…

I’d go back to lunch this afternoon and order a salad instead of that half fried chicken and giant plate of french fries I scarfed down.

Holy crap, I can’t move!

Hahaha, no, I’m kidding. I had that for lunch on Monday. I had a yogurt and raisins for lunch today, then jogged six miles. I fucking swear it happened! I have Runkeeper proof for the naysayers. Look, I even took some train pictures for G$ while I was running because he likes him some trains.

Trains. for G$ cuz I'm a kickass dad.

Trains. for G$ cuz I’m a kickass dad.

Oh look, deer too!

Running is fun!!

Running is fun!!

Anywho…what to write?

I assume that many of the other FTSF people will write about adventures into the past so they can tell Lincoln not to go to that play, or maybe tackle JFK so he can’t get on a plane to Dallas, but fuck all that noise, I say.

I’m a pretty firm believer that people die when they do because that’s when they’re supposed to die. God or Jesus or Mother Nature or the universe, or death or whoever’s in charge of such matters is gonna get you when your time is up, and there ain’t nothin’ you can do about it.

So I guess it would be pretty darned cool to be able to travel back in time and just sort of hang around to see how things really played out. I don’t know how it would work, logistically, but it’d be cool to see where all these fossils came from. If I went back to dinosaur times, would I be there as myself? I’d think I’d stick out pretty obviously were that the case. Could I fly? Would I be invisible? I’d need more information I think. It could get dangerous to be back in another time looking like one’s current self.

No, that’s all too risky, so I’m going to cop out out on this post by only going back in time a little bit.

Just under three years would be great.

For this:

Awe, little dude on the belly.

Awe, little dude on the belly.

That’s G$ in one of his infrequent calm moods as a tiny one.

It’s sunk in that we’re done having babies here in the DOAT house, and I’m TOTALLY cool with that. I mean, if something showed up in momma’s womb again somehow, we’d raise it, but we’re pretty sure that won’t happen.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t miss it every now and then though. I’ve always liked babies; I’m fucked up like that.

I have to get my baby fix elsewhere now.

We have some pretty young neighbors still and I have some cousins who will have babies at some point, but I don’t get to snuggle with those kids at 2 am like I could with my own.

Awesome as it was, now that I’m thinking about it, I did almost die one time with Ace on my chest.

She was about the same age as G$ above and it was my turn to be up with her. It was obviously going to take more than a pat on her ass and a “go to sleep again dear” to get her to quiet down, so we went into the living room and flipped on the television. I grabbed some beer and my box of Snyder’s Hard Pretzels and settled in with her to watch a movie called Old School. That was almost eleven years ago.

You’ve all seen that movie, right?

There was a scene where somebody was having a kid party and I was several beers in already. I remember at some point that Frank the Tank took a tranquilizer dart to his neck and the other idiot, whose name I don’t remember, was all, “Dude, dude, that was awesome!”

I don’t know if it’s that funny now, but on that night, it was freakin’ hilARious! I started choking on one of my pretzels I was laughing so hard, and I nearly woke Ace from her slumber. Mercifully, I managed to pour enough beer in my gullet to dislodge the salty wedge of deliciousness. It was not my time to die, you see.

So anyway, dear friends, that’s where I would go, if I could go back in time…to a night where I was snuggling one of my babies on my chest or belly. It’s a favorite moment that I don’t see happening again in my life anytime soon.

What would you do, if you could go back in time?

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post. Today’s sentence is “If I could go back in time… ” and has been brought to you by the hilarious Jennifer Schario Hicks of Real Life Parenting! Blogger pals, you should totally join us! This is a fun group, really.

Your hosts: Janine: Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic
Kate: Can I get another bottle of whine?
Stephanie: Mommy, for Real
Kristi: Finding Ninee


This entry was posted in Family, Finish the sentence Friday, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

69 Responses to If i could go back in time…

  1. I would go back to when my son was a newborn too. I was in too much of a sleep deprived haze to enjoy the first few months. Yes, sometimes I want to go back in time & tell myself not to eat that junk food too.

  2. Nadia says:

    AW. You softie.

    I would go back to a time I was thinner.

  3. Paul says:

    Beer saved your life Don! That’s an amazing story. I just knew it had to be- after all, a product that tasty has to be a life saver. As far as where/when I would go if I could time travel – if could affect the outcome, I’d go back to the day that another driver came around a corner on the highway and ran head-on into my tractor-trailer. I’d have myself stop before the accident to prevent it from happening.

  4. tric says:

    I think I’d skip the travelling back opportunity. I know my past, the good and the bad. If I went back I’d have to go back to experience both all over again. I think I’ll go for a lucky dip and hope the future has just as many great days as the past, and not too many crappy ones. Today is a beautiful sunny day here, so it makes me optimistic, good day, good summer, good year.

    • Well, I think you could do something to change that shitty part of your past, but maybe it’s not a good idea to change those sorts of things? I guess everything from the past is part of who we are today, and you’re pretty okay to me so, stay you! Even though you golf and that annoys me. Lol.

  5. claywatkins says:

    Remember those days before they could talk and were all cute and cuddly – now I live them for different reasons – they are becoming people – and some days… arrgghhh they just piss me off! So, I am with you kiss are best when the are tiny and cuddly.. A good time to go back to

  6. Pingback: If you could go back in time to change anything, would spring break still suck? | Barb Taub

  7. Aww, you are sentimental after all and love your moment. I would love to have that moment back again, but like you am done with babies. As much as I would like to relive it for a short moment that is it. Happy not to have a screaming colic baby keep me awake all night to be honest!! 🙂

  8. i think you should go back and change your lunch to a better one. yogurt and raisins? feh. 😉

  9. Wow. I’m so glad you didn’t die choking on that pretzel that night. That would have made for an awkward obit, you know?!

  10. Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says:

    Well, that’s sweet! We are most definitely done having babies, too, and I am comfortable with that decision. Occasionally, though, it’s nice to get some baby snuggles. I’m baby-sitting my 3 month old niece later today, so maybe that will hold me over for a while! 🙂

  11. Carrie Rubin says:

    Like you, I’d go back to relive a few moments with my boys when they were babies. Oh, to sniff those infant heads again. Teenage heads just don’t have that same olfactory sweetness…

    • They’re so funky now I bet?? The new baby smell is just amazing! Don’t you get to see them in your practice, or are you not doing that anymore? I guess you can’t really sniff them and be professional though, eh?

      • Carrie Rubin says:

        Yeah, a sniffing pediatrician might be construed the wrong way. Best to avoid that…

        (But no, I’m not currently practicing. I was branching off into nonclinical work when I got sidetracked by this writing thing. I love the kids but needed a change from primary care.)

  12. Dana says:

    My husband loves babies too – I don’t thank that’s fucked up. I think that’s the sign of a great man. Babies on the chest is a perfect thing to go back in time to. Every once in awhile one of my kids (who are both taller than me) will lay on the couch and lean back on me. Makes me all weepy and nostalgic, until they get too heavy and I can’t breathe.

  13. I would go back to my teen years and just talk to my grandparents. I don’t have any regrets about them; I just miss them. Did you ever see Peggy Sue Got Married? There’s a scene where she sees her (grandma? Mom?) In the past…And just starts crying because they passed away…I imagine that.

  14. findingninee says:

    You big ol’ softie. I love the baby on the belly photo and sometimes miss those days a lot. And I think it’s pretty profound that you didn’t die because you had beer on hand. Thank God for beer really because dying by salty treat would just have been embarrassing.

  15. Tarana Khan says:

    It’s funny how we could have written about changing history, but most of us decided to revisit special moments or just talk to our past selves. There really is nothing like having a newborn sleep on your chest. Good to know you cheated death that night!

  16. I absolutely LOVE you take on this one!! And you’re right … going back in time in a neon green shirt is probably not a good idea! 😉 Now I know I’m in good company in the Almost Died Laughing camp. You from choking on a pretzel, me from laughing myself unconscious! I actually had a great-grandmother die laughing, so that kinds worries me LOL … I mean lol. 😉

  17. “I mean, if something showed up in momma’s womb again somehow, we’d raise it, but we’re pretty sure that won’t happen.”
    bwahahahahaha! This made me laugh out loud. I’m done having kids too and also TOTALLY OK with that.

  18. OK. Pressing the rewind button to when my first born was wee. Trying beer, beer and yes, beer, at 02:00. Hmmmm…. damn fine. Thanks. Pass the pretzels…

  19. pegoleg says:

    You could have just as easily snapped the train picture while sitting at a cafe scarfing fried chicken and french fries. Not that I doubt your word….

  20. My little brother and his wife just had a baby boy. Holding him, it took me back to when Sadie was an infant. Maybe I’m crazy, but I’m not a baby person. To me, Sadie is much more enjoyable now she can talk and say hilarious things. Going potty in the toilet is pretty awesome too. A few years from now, I think I’ll really miss this age.

    • Yeah, I like the kids right where they are now for sure, and I look forward to seeing who they’ll grow up to be, but an occasional snoozer on the chest isn’t too much to ask, is it?

  21. Still snickering over the pretzel “Not my time to die” line. Also, thanks so much for causing me to spontaneously ovulate with that newborn photo and story, you bastard.

  22. Ahhhh (baby picture) I love the baby phase, too. It is the 18 M- to 3 YR age that makes me think I might be done having additional children. yikes.

    Thank goodness for the beer! 🙂

    • I love me some beer! We almost have the 2 year old potty trained, so I’m not interested in going back full time, but an occasional nap on my chest from time to time would be sweet.

  23. themomcafe says:

    So would you then NOT eat the pretzels? I’m not even gonna ask if you would not drink the beer- that’s a given. BUT the pretzels? Or perhaps not watch that movie, but rather some emotional drama instead? No wait. Maybe you would switch the pretzels to something softer and less ‘choke-able’? Hmm…

    I can’t decide if I like that pic of you running or the baby on the daddy’s chest pic better. One makes me spit out my drink with laughter and the other makes me go ‘AW!!!!!”.

    • Well I’d still eat the pretzel, yes. It’s a Snyder’s Hard Pretzel so I can’t resist. They’re so good with beer. The deer weren’t disturbed one bit. Apparently, it was obvious to them that outrunning me were I a threat wouldn’t be a problem.

  24. time traveler… I’ve spent some time on the topic (who doesn’t enjoy the core fantasy…go back in time and do it…. better/different/something), but if you can get real with this fantasy* you will find that it has more holes than Albert Hall. (there is the small matter of the friends who are 19yo and fun and obnoxious and all the things that made them good friends for me… for my 19 year old self, not my all growed up self

    * yeah, I know

    • Yeah, you’re overthinking it, sir. Lol. I do like the idea of being a fly on the wall and observing some of the great moments in history that we don’t really know all that much about even though we think we do.

  25. Just one more, Don. C’mon, it’s fun!

  26. Ha! I’m glad you would raise it if something randomly “showed up” in momma’s womb. You know how babies are made, don’t you? Just kidding. 😛 I might go back for a little sweet cuddling with my infant son. That would be nice.

  27. maurnas says:

    If I could go back in time I would do a lot of things. But if I could go back to lunch today I would have ordered a lot more BBQ so I could have eaten it for dinner too. Ah, regrets.

  28. momsasaurus says:

    Awwwwww, you big softy! 😉

  29. See, here i was expecting a manly answer, like going back to the 70’s to get Terry Bradshaw’s autograph when he was a good quarterback so you have something to sell on ebay (why didn’t I think of that brilliant idea for my blog?), but no, you come up with the most loving, endearing post I’ve read yet. Go back in time and hold your kids as babies again, yeah I’m totally down with that. Wish I thought of that brilliant idea for my blog too. I wish I could shrink you and put you in my pocket and let you whisper brilliant ideas to me all day.

    • Pffft! Terry Bradshaw was the enemy! I was a Cowboy’s fan so my Roger Staubach or Danny White shirt wouldn’t go over well in the Steeler’s locker room. Lol. Good lord, the thought of me in your pocket all day talking to you? You poor thing. you’d have a breakdown at some point! lol.

  30. Aussa Lorens says:

    Oh gosh, what a question. Not sure I can even think about that… it’s so late, I will only end up thinking about very weird things.

    I do recall taking care of my friend’s baby when he was just a few days and then weeks old… I had insomnia so I would grab him when he woke up in the middle of the night and make him a bottle. We watched a LOT of Greys Anatomy in those days.

  31. Dude, this was all sentimental and stuff with your babies, but then I laughed out loud at you choking on a Snyder’s pretzel. And also at the picture of you and the deer. I never saw Old School. I just googled it. Crap, I need to watch that. It’s got Will Farrell.

  32. mollytopia says:

    Stop being so sweet about your babies – you’re making the rest of us look like assholes! I’m kidding – this is awesome. As are the pictures of the train and the deer. Yay you for running!

    If I could go back in time it would be 100 years ago when people received mail delivered by men riding horses, and envelopes were sealed with a family crest dipped in hot wax. I’m old fashioned that way : )

  33. cookie1986 says:

    If I could go back in time, I’d go back to the night I went into labour with Buddy. ( I put the “u” in labour for you because its been a while).
    I’d go into the Destroyer’s room and give her one more snuggle as my only tiny love. And enjoy her solo for just s few more hours.

  34. flyingplatypi says:

    Whoa. Jump back… Old School is 11 fucking years old?!?

    Damn it.



  35. markbialczak says:

    I know you must be busy, but I just wanted to drop a quick hello and say that I miss your tales. Happy spring to you, Don and all the DOAT family. Your Syracuse buddy, Bialczak.

  36. bethteliho says:

    Snyder pretzels are made in the city I was born in. Hanover, PA.
    There’s your random Beth fact of the day. You’re welcome.

  37. Pingback: My Excellent Adventure | A WordPress Site

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s