I hope you sang that first half of the title as per the song all twangy like and that it’s stuck in your head all day, otherwise, you did it wrong.
I’ve been away from this blog for several weeks other than to use it to harass all of you for votes for the Blogger-Idol contest, so now that I’ve been dumped from that contest for good, I feel good to be back among the blogger living, so to speak, so let’s do some catchin’ up.
First of all, thank you again to everyone who voted for my posts during my brief Blogger-Idol run. There are some really great writers competing in that contest, some of whom (some of who? which is it?) write for a living, so I’m not ashamed to have lost to any of them. That doesn’t mean that I think my post was the worst by any stretch, it just wasn’t a good fit for that week’s group of judges and I was in the hole a little bit that you great supporters of mine couldn’t dig me out of. Ha, supporters…like a bunch of jock straps! Pffft, no, YOU shut up! Moving on, damn, this coffee is strong.
Some of you may recall that I was stunned a bit in May by Cool’s honest question that only a four year old could get away with asking:
I don’t know, son. Why are you such a douche!?
His innocent suggestion that I was becoming a fat ass, coupled with the infamous fat guy on a little bike photo (you’ll have to click the link to the post to see it, as I’m not making you laugh and feel better about yourself without some effort on your part), prodded me into wanting to lose some weight.
While it went ok for a little while, I lost interest in the whole eating better and drinking less plan and actually gained weight instead.
Probably because she noticed that I was becoming a total fatass, old friend and neighbor Margo suggested that I run another half marathon with her. While I’m sure she’d suggest that she had only my best interests in mind when she asked me, what I heard was, “hey fatass, I bet you can’t finish a half marathon again you fat fuck loser!” So of course, I accepted her challenge.
For twelve weeks, I ran every single Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. A couple of times I ran in a light rain, and once it was a torrential downpour, but I did it. From three miles to eleven miles, I didn’t miss a day. I ate a lot smarter and I’ve lost some weight and a little bit around the old waistline.
This past Saturday was the big day, race day. I’d hoped to beat my previous time and crack the two hour mark, but the course was against me. I hadn’t ever paid much attention to Kansas City, but this is pretty much what it looks like while running:
Fuck you, KC! And the hills upon which you were built.
See how skinny I’ve gotten?
So the run basically sucked balls, but I did finish it and I beat my 2011 time by four minutes. I’m sad to report that I didn’t break the two hour time so I think I’ll have to keep trying until I do.
I had to finish the entire run to get this fancy beer coaster.
Aside from the hills, Wife and I enjoyed our time in Kansas City.
We were so blessed that my Uncle Dude and Aunty N watched the kids for us so we could venture to KC by ourselves. I don’t recall missing the kids one single time this weekend, which is rare! Shhhh, don’t tell Wife or kids I said that though.
They were in capable, non grandparent hands, so I had no cause for concern I guess.
Although you didn’t ask, the kids are doing great as well.
G$ is going through some phase where he likes to wear whatever he wants to wear, which has included snow and cowboy boots with shorts, as well as capes and funny hats. He made me dress him all gangsta last week.
The suburbs be the new hood…
Ace and Cool are doing great as well. Todd was nice enough to invite them and I to the game five playoff series clincher against the Pirates and we had a hellofagood time!
Go Cards says Ace! Or I may have just said yes, she can have some cotton candy. Whichever.
I’ll cut myself off here so I have more goodies to share later on, but suffice to say, life’s been good and I’m glad to be back in a routine that will include being able to read your posts as well as update my own with better content than “please go vote for me!” Oh, speaking of that, here’s my obligatory farewell post for them. I wrote it while I was way drunk last night.
I had a really good time in the contest and I’m sad to be out of it, if nothing else because of the camaraderie with the other contestants. The judges all made good points, outside of the police report comparison, but that’s sour grapes on my part.
Hey, look what I saw in a ghettoriffic KC Walgreens!
Coupons!!
Princess froggy drawers here was buying a shit-ton of energy drinks and flavored teas which I hope will give her the energy she needs to put on some fucking real pants next time she leaves the house.
Thanks all!! Talk soon.
Whoop! While I’m sad you didn’t win it all, I’m glad to have you back 🙂
PS – You have no excuse not to write a guest post for me now! Sucker….
It’s good to be back, my feline fondling friend. A guest post? Oh dear, that does ring a bell.
As I hope does this bell…”Halloween: Freaky or Fierce?” for Blogdramedy Monday, October 28. You’re still up for it I hope?
Email blogdramedy@gmail.com so we can chat off-blog. *grin*
Refresh my memory as to what you had in mind again?
Whatevs – I’m just going to be gone all month and want guest posts. I honestly don’t care at all what it’s about.
That didn’t help you at all, did it? You can just email it to me if you man up and do it 🙂
That was most unhelpful indeed. Can I write something about beavers? Beavers are pretty funny. Otters too. Does it have to be funny or can i write about the time I was tending bar and became addicted to cocaine? Wait, that wasn’t me.
Ouch! Easy, Don. I know you’re pissed about sucking at Blogger Idol but COME ON! Don’t be a dick…. 🙂
Beavers are good. Funny is good.
Very jealous you were able to run 13 miles in a row. The only time I’ve ran that far was over a span of 13 days.
Pfffft! You could totally do it. You have to be committed to have lost all the weight you have so I’m sure you could force yourself to do this, though it is awful.
Congrats on completing the marathon~ Go rock Don!!
Thanks, Jolene! And congrats to you on the closet sex. lol.
Congrats on the run! I am so impressed at that kind of dedication. I’ve actually been working out twice a week for 8 weeks straight which is huge for me since my interest and motivation usually wane at about three weeks into any like venture. 13 miles would kick my arse though!
You could do it! Good for you for working out though. I need to get into that a little bit. Some heavy lifting during the week would really allow me to drink more beers on the weekend.
Welcome back & congrats on the marathon! Many idol contestants who have been voted out have had successful careers without having to be tied down to the Idol contest. 🙂
That is an excellent point! And thank you!
Sorry you got booted. I really thought you would make it to at least the final 3.
Well, I let you down, sir and I’m sorry for that…now about that stay tuned the other day????
That’s what they call a cliffhanger.
congrats on the run!! that’s amazing!! as for the blogger idol, you did great and you would have done great if you were in there. sometimes that happens, the judges, the votes just don’t work in your favor. i ultimately got voted off for a post that i thought rocked, so whatever. you rock the house, sir,
Thank you ICM! I had fun and wrote a couple of posts I’d probably never have done, so that’s a good thing. I only wish I was still in it because i was having fun, but getting work done is good too!
i really is all consuming! but fun. back to business now!! 🙂
Yay!!! Welcome back! I missed my doses of don humor! 🙂
Congrats on finishing the half marathon! You have my ultimate respect on that for sure. As for Blogger-Idol, who the f*ck really cares anyway?
Just a tidbit of trivia regarding losing weight and that sort of stuff. The more you’ve been running, the more muscle you’ve built up. Muscle weighs more than fat on your body, but more muscle equals higher metabolism. So, even if the scale goes up a little bit, as long as you’re running, working out, it’s a good thing. Keep up the good work.
Yeah, I like to believe that I’m more muscular now for sure! While the scale isn’t as friendly as I want it to be, the belts fit better and I don’t have to suck my gut in to get ready for work, so that’s a plus. It’s working, even if slowly. Thank you!
I’ll look forward to more shit and debauchery on here. I’m sad to not have those in the group … I guess I’ll just have to go but some BLL and do the best Don impression I can!!
Congrats on the race. I’m sure I would have died.
Boo on the judges, as I thought your posts were money. But big congrats on the half marathon finish! Wondered why I hadn’t heard from you in a Friday or two…those long Saturday runs suck shit, don’t they?! 🙂
They totally suck shit, yes! I’ll commence to harassing you ASAP ma’am!
Was there a rabid bear chasing you? Or a scary clown with a bloody butcher knife? Free beer at the finish line?
BINGO! There was indeed free beer at the finish line! Boulevard. For real!
Glad you’re back!! Sorry you didn’t win. But, glad you got to come back and blog about random people you see and your kids’ choice of clothing. It’s what I live for! OK, that’s an exaggeration, but I’m glad you’re back. Amber has disappeared too, so I’ve felt a little lonely lately.
Thank you ma’am! Where did Tex disappear to? Is she going through something we need to be concerned about?
She has a close friend that is going through cancer treatment, and she is helping out with her kids and the house while she goes through that. So, I think she’s just super busy.
Congrats! Those frog pants are pretty seriously awesome though, I would want to get everybody in Walgreens all jealous too.
Oh everyone was jealous, that’s for sure! Especially if they were wanting a canned tea or energy drink, because she took them all!
Um, I can’t imagine running 13 miles. Not even if I had 13 installments in which to do it. I can, however, imagine wearing fuzzy frog pants.
Baah those judges. They were quite scary though. Mind you last week I checked out the opposition and really enjoyed one of them. No idea how she got on.
Welcome back. Well done on the run. I suppose you now consider yourself an athlete! Isn’t a night away just so fantastic?
LOL on the hills, WTF is it with that? We are in the heartland for crying out loud! In my KC sub-division I cant go 10 feet from my house without up or down a hill. Im glad you got to take part of that race, it was a PIA for Children’s Mercy Employees as we were stuck due to the route. Where did you stay?
Good luck on the half. Hope you don’t take the wrong road like I did on my last. Fackkk!! Good for you throwing yourself out there in the competition. Great fun watching from the sidelines.
You’re getting SO SKINNY! You running up that hill almost made me feel sorry for you and want to feed you some fried chicken. Congrats on the run and whatever for making the rest of us look bad. Also? That Idol contest? Whatevs, dude, they were dumb and obviously not all of your readers are as awesome as I am. Which is maybe okay. Because now you’re back. Here’s hoping those energy drinks do your new friend some favors. Although, you should thank her for giving you more excellent fodder, here.
PS my kid has gone to the playground wearing fireman boots, shorts, and a cowboy hat. Fuckthethemes.
Wow!!! I can’t even begin to tell you how jealous either am that you can run 13.1 miles in a row. My brother made me jog tonight and I almost died.
Your medal gives me chills.
Hugs!
Valerie
Blogger Idol is rigged!!!
On another note, did you at least listen to music while you ran? 2 hours of running sounds like my personal hell.
Lol, yes, I had music the entire time for sure. I had to make myself a playlist though because when I was training and just pressed shuffle, I’d get some Laurie Berkner or the Chipmunk’s or some Sounds of Halloween or Christmas tunes and it would be just brutal.
Congrats on the half! I did one once and wanted to die- so good on ya!
I’m supremely shocked you actually managed to get off your fat arse and do some goddamn exercise.
ps. one day I am going to come over there and steal G$ from you. Watch out…
Nice work on the 1/2 marathon, especially since that biatch involved hills. Why is it so impossible for course designers and race directors to see the benefits of a flat course? I don’t want my course to be fun or scenic. I just want it to not actively try to kill me.
Congratulations on your fitness progress/dedication/half marathon achievement. All very awesome! I did 20 min on the elliptical today and almost died.
KCMO is the only place I’ve ever lived that really felt like home, and yes, RUNNING THERE IS A BITCH! Ghetto and KC go together like peanut butter and jelly. Great inspiration to run faster!
Glad the kids are ok and congrats on the half!…No Cards/Tigers series…boo fcking hoo.
Hey, we did our part! I thought the Tigers were going to roll to a title this year honestly.
Half marathon!! Day-um! I would have come to cheer you on, but I didn’t want to change out of my pajama bottoms. Congratulations!!
P.S. – I appreciate that you’re willing to admit you didn’t miss the kids. You were probably just suffering from post traumatic hill climbing disorder.
13.1 miles! Wow! That’s impressive. That’s like 10 more than I’ve ever been able to do. Congrats!
Wow, well done for completing the race! Phew! Sorry that you’re out of Blogger Idol (love your farewell haha) I don’t think I got around to commenting actually, (but I most definitely did get around to voting) but I disagreed with the judge’s ‘police report’ comments too. Bah well, glad you’re back so to speak! 🙂
It’s really hit or miss as to whether I miss my kids when I am away from them. Most of the time . . . not. I have no guilt.
Marathon? Nope, not familiar with that concept. Sorry.
Princess Froggy Bottoms . . . that MAY have made me spit some of my yogurt onto the computer screen. Luckily, I’m at work, so it ain’t my stuff getting messed up. Ha! Take that, State computer!!
Congratulations on your half-marathon – well done!!!! And I’m glad you’re back to full-time on this blog – hooray!
While it sucks that the judges didn’t see the awesomeness that is you congrats on the half. I just got roped into a renegade run. Pray for me
Boo you got dumped from blogger idol but yay that you are back here posting more. And double yay that you ran that far in one go. You are now my idol. I’m still working on 5k! Oh and your kids are adorable. Love the gangsta look.