Rockin’ arcade fun and a bumper sticker for your penis?

It’s a miserable, cold Friday morning. I decided to drink beer and watch the end of the Blues thrashing of the Islanders last night instead of writing a Finish the Sentence Friday post. In my defense, the Uverse internet connection was not cooperating at all. I was going to just pass this week, but now that I’m at work, this seems better than working, so here’s my effort.

Before we go, if any of my awesome blog friends want to join in on this, here’s a link to the Facebook Group.

This week’s unfinished sentence is the following:

One of my favorite childhood memories is…

Hmmmmm. There are so many memories that I’m fond of that it’s hard to choose.

I enjoyed anything that involved me being outside for sure. My favorite thing to do was play baseball. I could play baseball from sunrise to sunset without ever resting and be happy as a clam all the time (why are clams so happy? Their existence seems pretty stupid, honestly. Is that even a real saying or did I screw it up?).

I was a pretty darned good ball player back in the day. Check out this form.

Skinniest clean up hitter ever.

Skinniest clean up hitter ever.

The woman in the chair to the far right was the coach’s wife and my neighbor Mrs. K. She kept score in her score book religiously and was very strict. If the ball hit your glove on defense and you didn’t make the play, she marked it as an error. Lol, I don’t think we’re allowed to give kids errors anymore as it may give them a complex and self-esteem issues or some such bullshit. Notice that we didn’t need to use a full face mask to play baseball either like the kids have to do today. I guess since half of 1% of all of the hundreds of thousands of kids who play baseball nowadays take a ball to the face, it’s best to go ahead and over react just to be safe.

Anyway, I digress…

Baseball is a great childhood memory, and I love that I get to share it with my kids nowadays.

Ace plays softball.

Ready to whomp one!

Ready to whomp one!

Cool is a pretty good little t-ball player.

We even play in Walmart when they take too long to change my oil.

We even play in Walmart when they take too long to change my oil.

And G$ is…well, he’s G$.

Off to see the Cardinals play!

Off to see the Cardinals play!

Actually, G$ is pretty committed to being a lefty it appears, so I’m sure that instead of developing a wicked curveball to go along with a 95 mph heater, he’ll probably grow to be a left-handed ballerina or cubicle worker of some sort…sigh, that’s fine, Buddy.

He’s shown little interest in sports thus far outside of throwing everything but balls and mostly at people, but it’s still early, right?

What the hell was I talking about? Oh, favorite childhood memory, ok. I got sidetracked a bit with the baseball stuff and I apologize. I’m going to pick one day that is a great memory for me, even though the details are sort of sketchy.

It’s a perfect day for this memory because my kids are home from school today due to the snow, and the day I’m recalling was a snowy day as well.

My dad was and still is one of those guys who’s a hard worker. I think he sort of enjoys going to work and, to my knowledge, has never used a sick day in his life, and if he has, it was only because he must have felt near death.

He worked in an industry that, for whatever reason, was totally unstable and he would get laid off every few years.

During one of his layoff periods, he got another job at an arcade while he waited to get rehired in his field. I remember he wore sort of a pin striped suit/vest looking thing and he was the man with all the tokens. The place was called LeMan’s or something like that and it was a stand alone building, as opposed to being in a mall like many arcades were. It was also every bit of 30 miles from our house, so it was no easy commute on a snowy day.

Anyway, I remember school not being called off, in spite of the snow, and dad packing me into his car to drop me off on his way to work at the arcade.

I was all bundled up with my backpack on (no seat belt I’m sure) in the passenger seat wondering out loud to dad how in the world school wasn’t called off. There was a lot of snow!

We were talking and talking and I wasn’t paying attention to the fact that when we finally stopped, we weren’t at school, but the arcade instead.

I don’t think I’d been to dad’s arcade yet, so a 10-year-old boy basically alone in an arcade most of the day with his dad? Uh, heaven!

It was slow because of the snow and I got to play whatever game I wanted free of cost!

I remember that I spent most of my time stabbing alligators in a game I’m pretty sure was called Jungle Hunt or something like that.

What graphics games had back then!

Stabbing alligators but I grew up ok, mostly.

Stabbing alligators but I grew up ok, mostly.

It was one of the best days ever!

Now that I think back on it, I do wonder if school really was called off and my dad was just screwing with me. I never did figure that out, or I guess I never cared.

As a bonus memory for you, LeMan’s had bumper stickers and one night at home, I dared my younger brother, Dario, to put one across his junk, and by junk, I mean his penis. I have no idea why, it’s just something stupid that boys do. We challenge other men and involve the penis somehow, it’s in our genetic makeup.

Well, he did it and BOY, that thing was stuck on there real good! My dad was at work and my mom was freaking the fuck out trying to figure out what to do with her son and his bumper sticker covered pecker.

I’m not sure that I’ve ever laughed so hard or accepted an ass whoopin’ as being so worth what I’d done, but it was an epic caper. He soaked in the tub at one point, and I assume since he has a daughter today that it did come off at some point.

Thanks to our hostesses with the mostesses for this week’s FTSF fun.

Your fab hosts: Janine: Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic Kate: Can I get another bottle of whine? Stephanie: Mommy, for Real Kristi: finding ninee

This entry was posted in Family, Finish the sentence Friday, Humor, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

63 Responses to Rockin’ arcade fun and a bumper sticker for your penis?

  1. findingninee says:

    I’m laughing my ass off that you made your brother put a bumper sticker on his penis!! HAHAHAHA!!!! Also being in an arcade all day playing for free sounds like a perfect kid day. A kid’s wet dream, if you will. Provided he can actually have a wet dream because there’s not a bumper sticker stuck to his pecker…Your dad rocks, especially if school was not cancelled.
    Nice socks in your baseball photo by the way. You still wear them like that?

    • Hey! I didn’t make him do anything, I dared him to do something voluntarily, if he wanted to, and he did! There’s a difference. It was pretty hilarious and is still a great family memory all by itself. I am more fond of ankle socks these days, actually. Thank you, madame!

  2. Ha! They let people set up lawn chairs right beside the batting area. That’s so 70s! I love it!

  3. markbialczak says:

    I am so glad that the design gods have decided to lengthen shorts from your baseball days to
    Ace’s softball days. So much more tasteful. I look at old photos of myself from those days and … TMI for sure. On the other hand, I’m not one for the shorts that go below the knee, either. And, oh yes, that must have been one great day at the arcade with your dad. Jungle Hunt was at least a bit more graphically sophisticated than my intro to video games, Pong. NIce memory, Don.

  4. Jesus Christ!! Cool is mini Don!!! Poor thing. (Just kidding. He’s a cutie … which is in no way a reflection of you. He just wears it better.)

    “it’s best to go ahead and over react just to be safe.” … just might be the best line I’ll read all day!!

    I just loved this post. When you said “What the hell was I talking about?” I had to think for a second because I was so engrossed in your tangent that I forgot too. Of course, I’ve got a raging case of ADD, so that could have more to do with it.

    But, I digress. Picturing your mom flipping out and you getting your ass beat for getting your brother to put a bumper sticker on his junk made me think of A Christmas Story when he said “Fuck!” Don’t know why. Maybe it’s because you were such a good big brother like Ralphie was. Or wasn’t. Either way.

    Maybe I should keep writing so that my comment ends up longer than your post. Jesus, Jen.

    • He is totally my mini-me, Jen, that’s for sure.I do get confused easily, so maybe I have that ADD thing too. I love your long comments, Jen, so bring them anytime. Congrats on being in the final 3 as well!! Whoop!

  5. rynolexson says:

    I would like to adopt Cool, let me know when I can come pick him up.

  6. OH WOW! I’m laughing SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!! Don, I tip my hat to you for that prank. That is AMAZING.

    Also, I totally know why clams are happy 😉

  7. I seriously just spit out my coffee while reading the end. Don, I loved your memory of playing video games on that snowy day and we totally had some awesome graphics back in the day on those games! But seriously now I am just thinking about peckers with bumper stickers. Thanks for that image on my Friday afternoon!! 🙂

    • I can still picture him in the tub freaking out that it wasn’t going to come off and he had to pee. Oh my God I said, it’ll come out your ears!!! Lol, mom was pretty pissed off, but he did it himself!

  8. samara says:

    I wasn’t gonna comment until you paid a long overdue visit to my blog, but how could I pass up a bumper sticker on a penis post? Dang you!

    1. You people with your office jobs! You get to write all the live long day! Fuckers!
    2. Your kids are adorable. May i purchase one? You can have one slightly used 10 year old.
    3. South paws are the shiz! Don’t underestimate G$! Do you know they have college scholarships just for kids who are left handed? I think I made that up, but have another beer.
    4. I constantly digress. If I had a dollar for every time I digressed, I wish I had a puppy.
    5. Love the blog! Love the sticker on the penis.

    Today my post is about heroin. But there’s also oral sex and apple pie. Not in that order. Your loss.

    • Hey, I visited it a few days ago and started reading the tattoo post but I got distracted. Sorry. Lol. I visited today in the peace and quiet of my employer’s bathroom stall, so I hope you’re happy. I was, so I shall visit some more! We have a puppy that you could maybe have, if you’re really wanting a puppy. I hate my office job too, but don’t really want to go back on the street just yet. Geez, now I’m rambling…

      • samara says:

        Little Dude would love a puppy, but I can’t manage it right now. What kind of dog did you get?

        All kids should grow up with a dog. Well, my kid should probably have one. He has fish. He complains. You can’t pet fish. Ewwww.

  9. Katie says:

    Did you guys get a lot of snow down there? I know our St. Louis office was hoping they’d get to go home early yesterday.

  10. bethteliho says:

    My husband is mad right now cuz I laughed so hard at your story but I can’t tell him why cuz both our sons are in the room and they would TOTALLY do something like this if the idea was even remotely planted in their little heads. Plus they are far too enamored with the word penis and if they hear it even once that’s all I’ll hear for h-o-u-r-s.

    Great post! Reminds me how when my bro and I had weekends with my dad (divorced fam) he would still have to work Saturdays for Montgomery wards at the mall, so he would take us, give us each $10 and let us loose in the mall for the day. We would got straight to Spencers first. Every time. We loved that place cuz it had “adult” stuff. My brother loved the posters cuz he got to see boobs. Lol. Then we’d get Orange Julius’s. Remember those? And the pet store. I loooooved the pet store.

    • I’m picturing your boys running around yelling penis penis penis!!! Lol, now I’m running around myself yelling penis penis penis!!!! Keep them away from the bumper stickers, it really was a bear to get off. Hangin’ at work with dad was always a good time fo sho! Thanks, Beth!

  11. Hey, no dissing the lefties! I thought it crazy going to school in the 70s and having teachers try to make me write with my right hand. Strangely, I’m left handed but right footed. Being a lefty gave me an advantage in my field hockey days since I was going at everyone from what to them was the wrong direction. If you ever have G$ at an eye doc, see if they can determine which is his dominant eye. For me, being a lefty who is right-eye dominant means I’m lousy at tennis but great at golf. Strange, but true. 😉 As for the bumper sticker – OUCH!! I’m hoping that bath included lots of baby oil or something.

  12. Stephanie Sprenger says:

    This line should be written more often in blog posts- “and by junk, I mean his penis.” Yep.
    Also- someone else (Kristi) wrote about being taken out of school for something fun. Seeing as how it makes the “best childhood memory” cut, we should probably all consider sanctioning a day of hooky for our own kids, huh?

    • I know, right? Junk probably shouldn’t have to be explained like that, but there are always one or two folks who miss things like this, if they’re not properly given context. Lol.

  13. canigetanotherbottleofwhine says:

    That bumper sticker part had me LingOL. That day in the arcade WOULD have been Heaven for a 10yo kid. I would have loved that. Was it Jungle Hunt or Pitfall? Yeah, like Steph said, Kristi’s dad did something similar. Not sure if this is as good a memory as crapping your sheets, but it’s still pretty good.

    • Sheet crapping was a bold memory to share for sure, so kudos to you. Nothing is as good as a public pooping. I’m sure it wasn’t Pitfall, but maybe it was. Was there alligator stabbing in Pitfall or did you just jump on them to get across water? Do they still have arcades now that these at home games are so realistic?

  14. Christina says:

    Thank God it’s normal for boys to do stupid stuff with their penis. I thought my boys were just weird or future perverts.

  15. I think your bumper sticker penis story may be meaner than the nearly bald hair cut I convinced my sister she needed. By the time she was begging me to cut her hair because I had her terrified that she’d caught lice. 😉

  16. Laura Lynn says:

    Cool takes a seriously cute picture. Sweeter than the chocolate cookie with white chocolate chips and caramel drizzle that i’m eating right now. God, I love Christmas!
    We used to play bseball every weekend. It was the Culver City Thompsons vs. The Hollywood Thompsons. Two brothers with 5 kids each + asst. friends + wives = lots of dirty playing, no score cards, a broken ankle once and someone always threw the leftover botulism potato salad that had been siting on the picnic table for hours. And it always got Jeffery.

    • He always has been pretty photogenic, the little bastard. You always seem to be eating or drinking something delightful while posting. Is that coincidence or is that just how you roll all your waking hours?

  17. flyingplatypi says:

    Wow… You talked your brother into bumper sticking his penis?! You’re my hero. All I did to my brother was beat the ever loving poop out if him. Damn. I feel like a failure.



    • Lol…beating your brother in any way shape or form is pretty cool, Val. You’re no failure for sure!

      I’m waiting for just the right mood to read your weekend adventures with Misty, btw. It’s bound to be epic.

  18. OH, I will never look at a bumper sticker the same way again! LOL. I was the oldest and don’t ever recall anything this hilarious, unless you count one of my brothers shooting tampons (unused ) out of their plastic holder into the driveway. He thought they were little ‘rockets’ and was trying repeatedly (and frustrated) to make them go higher. I thought my mother was going to have a heart attack when she saw a whole family sized box in the driveway! Thanks for the memory jolt! Will warn my daughter (3sons) of bumper sticker dangers. 😉

  19. Katia says:

    What an awesome childhood memory! I love how you were talking the whole way and didn’t even notice your dad wasn’t taking you to school! Also, SO funny about the penis sticker and very timely. And I cannot clarify, but it has to do with raising boys.

    • Do you have a penis story you’re withholding? That’s not cool. Unless it’s about your husband’s penis, in which case yeah, I’d not share that one. But if it’s boy antic related, shout it out!

      • Katia says:

        Maybe. I’m not saying I do but if I did it would probably have to do with someone who is four hanging a little skateboard toy that for some reason might have had a little string around it on their penis while blowing a whistle during bath time.

  20. Jean says:

    I’m still stuck on the face masks for baseball. Our kids are just getting to baseball age now. Do you think our grandchildren will be in a huge protective bubble (actual bubble) all the time? They’ll look back on us like we were reckless with their safety?

    • One day, outdoor sports will be a thing of the past. Little leagues will consist of online games played so that nobody will get hurt and all kids are able to participate evenly. So sad. We had to use the facemasks for t-ball for god’s sake! T-ball!!!! I realize the little ones are careless with the bats, but if you don’t get hit in the face, how will you ever learn not to walk near a person swinging a bat?

  21. mollytopia says:

    Oh my gahhhhhd it’s best to just go ahead and over react. Shut the fuck up – that caused me to tweet it. But then really you coaxed your brother into putting bumper sticker on his peen? Don you are one of a kind. What kind I don’t know. But I love it hahahahhaha

  22. First, your kids are so freaking cute. Second…..seriously? A bumper sticker on his penis? Wow. no words. Boys are stupid.

  23. PinotNinja says:

    Hahaha! Your poor little brother. It’s astounding that a hooligan like you could end up with such adorable kids — that picture of Cool with the batting helmet absolutely slays me with cuteness.

  24. mistyslaws says:

    Nice gams!

    You are evil and going to hell, you know that, right? But holy crap, how hysterical! I’m just hoping that my boys never discover that particular form of torture, because as boys, they are of course obsessed with all things penis. Oy.

  25. Boys love them some penis related activities. Their whole lives from what I’ve learned. I shall save a seat at my table in hell for you, ma’am. It’s gonna be fun!!

  26. lisleman says:

    I scrolled down and thought, long post I hope it’s worth the time. It was! Great story and the background to the bumper sticker really added to the whole thing. I don’t know why I’m giving you writing feedback because I struggle at times to string a paragraph together.
    About that tangent on the kid’s baseball playing of today. I was talking to a 30 something coach the other day. He called the kids coming up through High School ball teams the Dairy Queen generation of players. Win or lose they still get to go to Dairy Queen.

  27. Daile says:

    Little Don is adorable. What the fuck happened??!!! I don’t think I will ever get sick of photos of Cool. He is a total dude. Also – we need a Dario Of All Trades guest post I think… Maybe from his perspective of a bumper sticker covered penis.

  28. A.J. Goode says:

    Bumper sticker on the penis?! Ouch!!! I grew up with sisters . . . I think the worst dare I ever accepted was the one where they dared me to see if I could fit all the way through the laundry chute.

  29. lisleman says:

    I enjoyed this post and included a link to it today in my post. For all the comments it appears you are not short on readers. thanks for sharing a funny memory

  30. Bahaha! Poor Dario – that’s hilarious!! Your mum must have been out of her mind angry with you. I suppose she didn’t want to rip it off in case his junk came off with it! LOL. I never had any brothers. Maybe I would understand men a whole lot better if I had!

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