Greetings, I feel like whipping out a post right quick, but since I ain’t got nothin’ to say particular, I’ll just ramble on about a couple of things.
Firstly, thanks to you, whichever heifer was in the bathroom at work for over twenty minutes this morning (at least)! I had to get the water for the coffee pot from the goddam mop sink while your fat ass was using work time to pinch a loaf, read your Cake Monthly or Cat’s Unlimited magazines or nap. Were you napping? Do you know how angry I get when my coffee making is delayed because somebody is in the only bathroom with decent running water to make coffee with on the entire 6th floor? I’m sure getting up 10 minutes earlier to defecate seems absurd when you can just clench your cheeks and suffer all the way to the man’s potty and do it on his time. God forbid you exchange the time it takes to run into the convenience mart for a bacon wrapped hot dog breakfast sandwich and 64 ounce diet coke to poop at home instead.
So I’m not sure what happened, but the wife acquiesced to the demands of the vocal minority (i.e. children and possibly daddy) with respect to their request for a new puppy at some point. I’d brought it up in jest a few weeks back, just to feel her out, and to call her response luke-warm would be overstating her enthusiasm at the idea.
We had a trial run a couple of months ago with one of those doodle-dogs that I’m soooooo not fond of!
I don’t know why I even let this animal into my house, because I knew I’d never like him, but I did and it just didn’t work out. I don’t believe he was very fond of us either, so the contempt was mutual. He lived with us for three or four days, which was three days too many, for sure.
His name was Buzz, and he was last seen driving off with some uppity woman in a brand new Jaguar coupe. I’m sure they’re perfect for each other and I hope they live a long life together far away from me.
I recently caught my wife “liking” a FB post from a dog shelter and inquiring as to what the next step would be to adopt such a beast when another puppy opportunity reared it’s ugly head.
This time the call came out to nab a puppy from a family who was trying to unload them because their dog “accidentally” had a litter of puppies. Uh, if you get your dog fixed, those accidents don’t happen, but whatever!
We packed up the clan and drove just far enough that there was no way I wasn’t coming home with something. I’d seen a 1966 Mustang for sale, so if it wasn’t a puppy, I told the wife I’d be content with that in my driveway instead.
She chose puppy.
She is a cute little thing, I’ll give her that.
She was living under a van in the country with several of her brothers and sisters when we scooped her up. She had, oh I don’t know, nearly 100, if not more, ticks all over her body and was very lethargic.
We gave her a couple of delousing baths and fed her food from a semi-reputable dog food company, and she’s doing much better.
Unlike the other tiny doodle dog, I like this girl. I even let her ride to the liquor store with me to get lottery tickets and beer. We won $6 and a free ticket! It’s not $600 million, but it was something.
That reminds me, sir or ma’am in Florida who won the lottery alone. Fuck you; I hate you.
Here’s some beer!
Here’s Cool with a hat not eating his “rabioli”!
And here’s Cool happy as can be, even though I am CRUSHING him at air hockey! I killed him!
Oh, and here’s G$ since I don’t want him to feel left out. He’s not feeling great right now, so he was an extra special treat to be around this weekend.
I hope you all had a fine weekend and that it’s carried over into your Monday. Oh, and if you’re that new Florida millionaire and you read this, I don’t hate you, I was joking. Please contact me so we can be new best friends!