Random recent stuff…

Greetings, I feel like whipping out a post right quick, but since I ain’t got nothin’ to say particular, I’ll just ramble on about a couple of things.

Firstly, thanks to you, whichever heifer was in the bathroom at work for over twenty minutes this morning (at least)!  I had to get the water for the coffee pot from the goddam mop sink while your fat ass was using work time to pinch a loaf, read your Cake Monthly or Cat’s Unlimited magazines or nap.  Were you napping?  Do you know how angry I get when my coffee making is delayed because somebody is in the only bathroom with decent running water to make coffee with on the entire 6th floor?  I’m sure getting up 10 minutes earlier to defecate seems absurd when you can just clench your cheeks and suffer all the way to the man’s potty and do it on his time.  God forbid you exchange the time it takes to run into the convenience mart for a bacon wrapped hot dog breakfast sandwich and 64 ounce diet coke to poop at home instead.

So I’m not sure what happened, but the wife acquiesced to the demands of the vocal minority (i.e. children and possibly daddy) with respect to their request for a new puppy at some point.  I’d brought it up in jest a few weeks back, just to feel her out, and to call her response luke-warm would be overstating her enthusiasm at the idea.

We had a trial run a couple of months ago with one of those doodle-dogs that I’m soooooo not fond of!

Hi, I'm an awful doodle bred dog!

Hi, I’m an awful doodle bred dog!

I don’t know why I even let this animal into my house, because I knew I’d never like him, but I did and it just didn’t work out.  I don’t believe he was very fond of us either, so the contempt was mutual.  He lived with us for three or four days, which was three days too many, for sure.

His name was Buzz, and he was last seen driving off with some uppity woman in a brand new Jaguar coupe.  I’m sure they’re perfect for each other and I hope they live a long life together far away from me.

I recently caught my wife “liking” a FB post from a dog shelter and inquiring as to what the next step would be to adopt such a beast when another puppy opportunity reared it’s ugly head.

This time the call came out to nab a puppy from a family who was trying to unload them because their dog “accidentally” had a litter of puppies.  Uh, if you get your dog fixed, those accidents don’t happen, but whatever!

We packed up the clan and drove just far enough that there was no way I wasn’t coming home with something.  I’d seen a 1966 Mustang for sale, so if it wasn’t a puppy, I told the wife I’d be content with that in my driveway instead.

She chose puppy.

She is a cute little thing, I’ll give her that.


Ace and puppy. Kids named her Carly, whatever.

She was living under a van in the country with several of her brothers and sisters when we scooped her up.  She had, oh I don’t know, nearly 100, if not more, ticks all over her body and was very lethargic.

We gave her a couple of delousing baths and fed her food from a semi-reputable dog food company, and she’s doing much better.

Enough with the camera, Jack!

Enough with the camera, Jack!

Unlike the other tiny doodle dog, I like this girl.  I even let her ride to the liquor store with me to get lottery tickets and beer.  We won $6 and a free ticket!  It’s not $600 million, but it was something.

That reminds me, sir or ma’am in Florida who won the lottery alone.  Fuck you; I hate you.

Here’s some beer!

Yay beer!

Yay beer!

Here’s Cool with a hat not eating his “rabioli”!

Yay Cool with a hat!

Yay Cool with a hat not eating rabioli!

And here’s Cool happy as can be, even though I am CRUSHING him at air hockey!  I killed him!

Yay, daddy's killing me but we're together!

Yay, daddy’s killing me but we’re together!

Oh, and here’s G$ since I don’t want him to feel left out.  He’s not feeling great right now, so he was an extra special treat to be around this weekend.

Ha ha, I ruined your Sunday by being sick!

Ha ha, I ruined your Sunday by being sick!

I hope you all had a fine weekend and that it’s carried over into your Monday.  Oh, and if you’re that new Florida millionaire and you read this, I don’t hate you, I was joking.  Please contact me so we can be new best friends!

This entry was posted in Humor, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

96 Responses to Random recent stuff…

  1. Go Jules Go says:

    That ‘doodle does look questionable, I’ll give you that. But maybe that was just his expression around you?

    Carly is soooo cute. And a good luck charm, apparently. Glad she’s doing better, and hopefully you’re caffeinated by now, a.k.a., almost bearable.

    • Hmmm, I wondered what your reaction would be to learn that I let a doodle into my home at one point. His doodleness plus the fact that he was a little lap dog was just too much for my testosterone to bear I guess, but, as I said, he didn’t care for me much either. I have had my coffee, yes and I’m as bearable as I’m going to get today! My daughter was walking around Saturday with some mustache on her face (they’re the in thing now apparently) and I told her she reminded me of some lady I know in New Jersey who hates kids and loves doodle dogs. Ace said, “she sounds like she has issues.” Lol! YUP!

  2. Good name for your puppy. The stray cat I found a couple of years ago is named the same, after my favorite Italian hockey player, of course.

  3. merbear74 says:

    Kids, puppies, whipping things out really fast? What a ride!

  4. Susan says:

    Cute puppy, has she met Lisa yet? Sure she will be welcomed to the circle.

  5. Jen says:

    Congratulations on the new pup – Carly’s a beauty. And she already made her first beer run with you – she’s definitely a keeper. 🙂

  6. I love how the Facebook Ticker shows everyone’s undercover behavior on Facebook. That’s how I found out a friend’s husband was cheating on her- I saw his comment on a picture and then did some further investigating.

  7. Michelle says:

    100 ticks??? How sad:( You are all so sweet to take in that puppy:)

  8. Sometimes you just have to find the right “fit” with an animal, you know? I get that. Perhaps with her assistance as a good luck charm you’ll win the next lottery.

    • That little white dog was never going to fit, but we were trying to help a friend who couldn’t keep him. I don’t know if it was because he was a little dog or what, but I just never cared for him. My wife loves all things animal and even she didn’t attach to him, which surprised me. Oh well, it all worked out. This new girl needed us more I guess.

  9. Melanie says:

    If your 6th floor is anything like my 6th floor, that crapper was probably from the 5th floor hiding their stench from the people they have to face all day.

    • It was TOTALLY somebody from another floor! That made me even angrier! It must be the Taj Mahal of bathrooms in this building because there are always visitors from other floors sneaking into it. I don’t normally mind, but I didn’t have water for my coffee yet!

  10. ardenrr says:

    UGH I HATE WORK POOPERS!!! We have multi-stall bathrooms here and people will literally walk in while I’m taking an innocent whiz and start blowing up the place like they didn’t see me in there.


    And yeah. Fuck you Florida millionaire. Fuck. You.

    CUTE FRICKIN’ DOG … Matt just vetoed a third dog which was why I wrote a post about her last week. I’m still trying to wear him down though. Sheeba will be mine.

    • That woman wasn’t from our floor either, I just know it! The bathroom is the only one with a decent running water faucet so I only use it to get water for my coffee! It’s a unisex bathroom, but I think it’s understood that the ladies get first dibs as there are other urinals on the floor for us man types.

      Have you tried crying to get the dog? Or saying well, if I can’t have that dog then maybe I’ll just forget to take my birth control pill. You have so many options for goodness sake.

      • ardenrr says:

        Do people at your work also use Lysol as an air freshener … because mine do … idiots.

        I haven’t tried too many extreme methods yet but I may try crying tonight!

      • They have Febreze in there and apparently, somebody always steals it because there’s a lot of complaining about the theft of the Febreze.

        Just bring the dog home. Once there, he won’t be able to resist, unless he’s got no soul. Of course, three is a lot of dogs. You have to consider that you may, one day, have kids too, right?

      • ardenrr says:

        Yeah but one day for me is about 8 years from now so it’s a non-issue….

  11. someone won that lottery jackpot all on his own? sick. Sorry the little one is sick. 😦

    • Yes, Mormon and we hate that person. Say it out loud….Fuck you, winner!! It’s ok, Jesus understands. Now the other one is sick. We never have a weekend without a sickie it seems like!!

  12. aliciabenton says:

    Man, you sure got my attention when I started reading and your post started with, “Greetings, I feel like whipping out a…” Your stats today must be through the roof!!!

    • Lol, they are actually awful for a day I make a post, but I guess you can’t win ’em all. I cleaned that opener up a bit, next time I’ll know to just stick with what I started with!

      • aliciabenton says:

        Mine suck today, too. Maybe some people actually had to work on a Monday and didn’t have time to play on WordPress. Yeah – let’s just go with that.

      • That does make me feel a little bit better I suppose, even though I feel bad that I didn’t get any of my work done on this Monday.

      • aliciabenton says:

        Me either. I went on a field trip. It was much better than work though. And tomorrow I’m taking off again. You can only put up with the snarky bitch for so long, you know… 😉

      • Understood. Not going out to celebrate Arden’s 1 year at firm? Lol, firm…

      • aliciabenton says:

        I’m too old to celebrate on a weekday. We’ll have to postpone her FIRM celebration for a weekend. When it’s okay if I feel like I’m dying the next morning.

  13. tric says:

    You told me to get a golden retriever! Luckily we didn’t and are still at the adopting every dog on the internet stage. I am so glad I have four diverse kids as it will be months possibly years before they agree on a breed. Oh and my husband hates dogs and all animals.

    • Golden retriever or a lab! This girl was free and needed a good home, plus my wife is adamant that we get a dog from a shelter or whatever. Retrievers are hard to come by that route! You know you want another pup, especially if it’ll aggravate your hubby!

      • tric says:

        The poor late departed Suzy was a rescue and was bonkers/traumatized until she was about 10! So I am unsure about another rescue, even though she did arrive at the time we had the 9 under 7 which definitely did not help with her training. Yes the best part of having a new pup will be the trauma my nearest and dearest will feel. Your newest addition does look fab though.

  14. I can already tell I am going to like your blog. You crack me up! 🙂

  15. goldfish says:

    Lol. The puppy is adorable. Here’s hoping you can survive puppy-hood. They certainly do try your patience. 🙂

    • I had forgot what work they were. Poor girl was howlin’ in the storms last night and driving me bonkers! She’s pretty good for a puppy so far though!

      • goldfish says:

        Well, here’s hoping you survive it. The good news is that it does get better. My dog is nearly well-behaved and she’s two. I did threaten to drown her in the river in a burlap sack more than once. She’s very lucky I don’t have a burlap sack. 😉

  16. Daile says:

    Thank goodness this wasn’t a whole post about freakin’ dogs! Ha. But seriously cute as shit dog. And they do shit a lot. Enjoy!

  17. sassypanties says:

    Have you taken Carly to the vet yet? Not to rain on your parade or anything, but that many ticks could be an issue for her longterm health. She’s frackin adorable, though. You really know how to pick em. I’m sure all the rugrats are THRILLED!

  18. keladelaide says:

    Now there’ll be some more wee on the floor to clean up for a bit. Completely worth it though.

  19. sirensway says:

    And I thought I was masterful at describing unfortunate poop encounters of the fourth kind…

    My belly is now sore from laughing.

  20. Thanks for speaking up about work poopers. Someone needs to address this. I once had an office next to the office bathroom, shared by 15 people. I counted 7 shits in one day. If you don’t have a stomach bug or severe IBS, there is absolutely NO reason for traumatising your co-workers like this.

    • Oh dear Lord, that’s nasty! 7 shits…yikes! It should be a form of workplace harassment. I find shitting to cause a more hostile work environment for me than some coworker telling me I have a nice ass. Lol.

  21. cookie1986 says:

    I don’t understand people who take a shit in public willingly either. This is one of my worst nightmares. I once had a shit emergency and had to go in the bathroom of a Chapters. It sends shivers down my spine to remember the awful of this.
    Can’t people just shit at home after coffee but before work? Seriously.

    • I agree completely! I’m not a public pooper unless it’s an emergency!! I sort of admire folks who can just up and do it anywhere, but I find it to be nasty. There’s not enough TP in the stall to cover the seat with!

  22. I wrote a post about my “Craptastic” co-workers. I work in construction, so the guys always keep the shit flowing. You can’t escape the stench of it anywhere in the job trailer, so my office is loaded with candles and room spray! Yesterday, while trying to have a conversation with my boss regarding work, we overhead some of the nastiest emissions coming from the men’s room. . . we started laughing so hard I had to just walk away and say, “I can’t do this right now.”

  23. mistyslaws says:

    Anyone who delays my coffee consumption had better be DYING in that shitter. At my place, there are all these older ladies that like to poop after they eat their Mickey D’s or whatever atrocities they put into their stomachs during lunch time. It. Is. AWFUL.

    As to the pup . . . is that a dalmation? Or some kind of mutt? In the first picture, it was immediately reminiscent of Spuds McKenzie. (Please tell me I’m not the only old bastard here that remembers who that is, or I might die a little inside). But the second picture looks more like a dalmation, all long and lean and soon to be tall and massive. Anyway, better than another baby, right? 😉

    • Yeah, the women around here are the worse. The dog is lab mixed with maybe a little pit bull and who knows what else? I’d wondered about some dalmatian, but she doesn’t seem stupid or anything like most dalmatians I’ve ever met. I totally thought Spuds myself, so I’m right there with you on that call. We are showing our age a bit though.

  24. Hopping over from the writer’s group on Fb to check out your junk… er….your STUFF… and glad I did. Weird sense if humor and I like it. Mostly because you talked about poop, a subject that frequently ends up in my blog posts as well. I’m Marcia Doyle from Menopausal Mother–nice to meet ya!

  25. You sure you didn’t steal that dawg from lil rascals?

    Otherwise …cute kids!

    • She is a little bit like that dog! What was his name? Spot? We go with Spuds McKenzie in this house since we like our beer! Remember Spuds? And thanks for the kiddie compliment, they’re cute just like their father!

      • PETEY!! Dammit!! Thank you!! You folks out there by them Otter Banks is good people!

      • Outer banks. OBX. Sigh. Smh.
        And yes he favors spud.
        Did you read mine today? My elephant in the room!? Help.

      • Lol, my neighbor went last summer and his stupid ass told me he was going to the Otter Banks. He tried to play it off like he was kidding, but he didn’t know it was the Outer Banks for real! All I got from you in my reader was a reblog of something from Merbear, but my browser at work won’t let me see it. It’s some picture format I guess that my work computer doesn’t like.

      • Is he married? If not, then he was looking for otters or such. Pun intended.
        But it is the outer.
        Now, I’m laughing. Uncontrollably.

      • He is married. In fact, if you’ve ever read of Todd and Margo on my blog, it was them. They probably exercised or something a lot while they were there.

      • OBX. If he or you ever come back to our lovely beaches again, hit me up. There are local secrets here. I can hook you up with ocean homes not connected with real estate agents and I can hook you up with the best local restaurants. Locals are the way to go!!

      • Sounds awesome. If by ocean homes not connected to real estate agents you mean something that poor white trash people with three kids can afford, I’d be interested! Lol.

      • That’s EXACTLY what I mean.
        Good to know we speak the same language.

      • Sweet. We were kicking around whether or not to go on vacation this summer still. NC might be fun. We can pretend we like the Wolfpack even though I’d by a Tarheel hat because I look better in blue.

      • I’m sorry. All my sources are all booked up.

      • Oh, well that’s disappointing. Now I’ll have to wear my Alabama red visor again since that’s the closest state with a beach. There are a lot of Alabamans though!

      • You can recant that UNC crap and give a good ole WOLFPACK pride woop woop …I might think about it…

      • I’ll gladly recant the UNC crap because I have no loyalty to those bastards outside of liking their uniform colors. Here’s a single woop for the wolfpack! Woop!

      • See…NOW…I’m not sure if your just wooing the soft side or…still a goat. (Unc’er). Haha

      • I’m not really sure either! I can’t commit to supporting the Wolfpack anymore without some drinks in me and a better idea of what the beaches are like out there.

      • Well first of all you have to experience a WOLFPACK hat. GAHHH.
        Second, a few drinks ad the sound of the ocean is always nice at the right place.
        And third..we have the most beautiful oceans anywhere. No matter what your neighbor thinks of the otter banks.

      • Hmmm, I shall do some research on these banks and see. Do they sell Bud Light Lime in that state?

      • Yes! Of course. And…we have what’s called “the Brewing Station”. Makes their own beer powered by a windmill. It’s a local favorite. It was recently featured on that show with guy fieoro(?). Diners, drives whatever. But I have a few friends that are chefs and the best rests are the local ones. I could hook ya up. The kids would love to see the lighthouses. We have two nearby. The Corolla and the Hatteras. There are lots of things for kids. But mainly everyone swamps to the beach.

      • You can keep your tourist traps, we just like to lay on the beach all day and drink and swim. Then we like to eat lots of food, preferably at an all I can handle crab leg establishment. We’re classy like that.

      • Oh Don Juan….those are what we call “local”.
        Don’t look all touristy either when you come from up north with your touristy pastel wagon filled to the brim full of EVERYTHING except the kids and unload on the beach only to go back and get the rest of the crowd. Locals will crack up. Just FYI…we film that shit.

        Naw. Just kidding. But I woulda loved to have seen your face. Ha!

      • Lol. Sounds awesome! We’re minivanners not wagon folk. Wooop pack!

      • Oh boy….by wagon…I meant those big wheel covered thingamadodgers that for some reason people think they can load everything in them but the kitchen sink and walk to the beach in and on with. NOW….I’m laughing. Bring your minivan on down….yeah you do that…is that pastel baby blue?

      • WordPress labeled your comment as spam…it’s wise! I trust by your mockery that you are not interested in joining my wolfpack? I was a one man wolfpack, but then, then I met my wife and there were two, two in my wolfpack and I was happy. Then I learned that with enough liquor and Barry White music, I could sex the wife up and we added three to my wolfpack! I have a five person wolfpack! Wooop that!

      • God bless….I’ll see what I can do.

        I can NOT top that.

        You are def from the likes of a chapel hill crowd. No doubt.

      • EXERCISED???? What? WHA? I’m sorry …WHA?

      • Well crap. Scroll down under that. It’s under. I had reblogged that earlier.

  26. Maggie O'C says:

    Your kids and Carly are all adorbs.

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