No.
No it was not. That was sarcasm, but I guess you’d not be able to tell that just by reading my post’s title.
Friday was a day of bonding for the men of the house as Cool was at the tail end of a sickness that had him not feeling well for a few days. He woke up Friday without a fever and seemed suspiciously well as he played the Wii for 8 straight hours. I’m certainly not saying that Cool was faking, as he really was sick for a couple of days, but shame on us for being responsible parents. As he technically hadn’t been fever free for 24 hours, I just decided to say fuck it and take the day off. Wife is out of sick days what with having babies and having sick kids all the time, so it was my turn. Many parents don’t adhere to the 24 hour fever free rule, and in fact, many of them go ahead and send little Johnny Barfedthismorning to school or to the day care in spite of the pesky contagious disease their little cuties have because they have to horde their sick days for their own important things like golf outings or spa days. Thanks for that dickheads.
In a prelude of things to come perhaps, I’d already spanked G$’s ass twice before 8:30 AM on Friday morning for various infractions until I’d had enough and tossed his butt back into his crib to let him stew in his juices for a bit. After crying and cursing the day I was born, he fell asleep, which tells me he woke up too early to start with.
The boys and I made it through the day alive and I had to leave to work at the bingo hall once wife got home from work herself. I hate taking days off from the regular job when I have to work one of my side jobs on that same day. It sucks. I spend the whole day in between G$ spankings dreading that I had to go to work later in the day. Now bingo doesn’t generally entail me doing anything more than sitting on my fat ass for nearly four hours while reading a book or something, but still, it’s being there that sucks. It was an uneventful shift, as usual. I was paid my five 20 dollar bills and made my way home.
Saturday was another day that I had to work secondary, this time at the chicken palace. One of my many quirks is that when I have to work an evening shift, I don’t generally like to leave the house all day. I don’t know why that is, but it’s always been my preference to just stay home and be miserable about having to go to work later on in the day.
I broke my rule this time though and met the wife, who was already out running errands with G$, for lunch. We dined, we bought the dogs some food (from a different store than where we dined, yes) and were all set to go home. G$ wanted to ride in daddy’s car, so he and Cool rode with me while the wife followed behind me in her sweet ass minivan with zero functional brake lights at this time. At some point, she pulled over and I wondered if she had a flat or hit something or what, so I pulled over ahead as well to wait for her next move, which came via text.
Yup, I somehow managed to leave my wallet within reaching distance of G$ and he went ahead and tossed it out the window for me because it wasn’t fun or delicious I guess. Had Wife not been right behind me, I’d have never known it was gone and would have lost my mind trying to find it.
It was fairly windy on Saturday, so most of the paperwork in my George Costanza-esque wallet blew away never to be found again, including all five of my beautiful twenty-dollar bills from working the night before. Wife said it was like confetti once it hit the air, with my shit blowing all over the place immediately. With the wind and all the traffic on that four lane highway, we were lucky to find anything, let alone what we did salvage.
While I was ready to murder my last born child on Saturday, it’s nothing more than a funny story now. I drank some beers on Sunday and have completely forgiven though not forgotten my beloved boy for his misdeed.
Speaking of Sunday, Cool and his gang (see what I did there?) had a soccer game and got their asses handed to them. While they don’t keep score at that age, suffice to say it was a one-sided shellacking. I attribute much of this to the fact that several of the kids didn’t feel like running at all, several more didn’t feel like even going into the game, and the others who did want to try were simply outmanned as their comrades sitting on the sidelines looked on indifferently.
That’s the funny thing with preschoolers, you never know which kid you’re going to get from day to day. Last week the kids were pumped and put a beat down on another team, but this time the tables were turned. It’s probably a good thing though as I’ll get a chance to talk to the kids about losing graciously at our next practice. I was a little bit shocked at how some of the kids at this age were taking the losing so badly! Geez kids, it’s just a preschool soccer game! To add insult to injury, the Cardinals lost to the lowly Brewers last night because they couldn’t field the fucking ball to save their own lives.
Anyway, that was my weekend in a nutshell. There is some good news though. I got my Saturday and Sunday runs in for a total of about 11 miles and, despite the gallons of beer I had yesterday, when I weighed myself last night and this morning, I was at my lowest weight in a couple of years!
I started jogging again seven weeks ago and have logged about 120 miles in that time. I’ve also watched what I’ve eaten a little bit. I’m not crazy with it, obviously, as I still drink beer (not as much) and eat pizza when I want.
So, thanks to the scale, my weekend wasn’t a complete wash. I hope yours was much better than mine, and if you can beat a kid tosses wallet out of moving car on highways story, please do share it!
don of all trades 